Aibu for being unhappy my in-laws are putting a dog "first"

[GD12]

Basically my MILs son has a giant dog, I think it's a Staffordshire bull terrier but it's massive. It's also untrained. When our daughter was 4 a few years ago ist jumped up on her and scratched her chest at which point I said that our daughter couldn't stay in the house with it. She goes every summer to stay for 5 days and they usually put the dog elsewhere,the dog moving and staying with another relative etc. This year they didn't bother and the solution was to have my daughter stay with another relative instead of at her grans my mil would also stay at the relatives. Am I overreacting being annoyed about this? She has to go and stay with a relative that she's never stayed with before and sees maybe twice a year, that the dog is being allowed to stay in the house and my 7yo daughter has to move out because of it? Myself and hubby have had a fight because he can't see the problem, in fact he'd have her stay with the dog in the house. Maybe I'm being controlling but it's really pushing buttons in me.

Does the dog live there full time? But your daughter doesn't? Why are you sending your daughter away at all?

They've told you where their priorities are

Find other summer childcare and remember this if they need care in years to come.....

You are being completely unreasonable by endangering your daughter by sending her to a house with a dangerous dog - regardless of what they claim they do with the dog when she is there. Owners of dangerous dogs cannot be trusted to keep anyone safe, let alone a child.

Did the dog show aggression or was it just being a jumpy dog?

My question is the same as @Oreosareawful . Does the dog live at mill’s house full time?

Was the dog being aggressive, or just an accidental scratching? I’ve got scratches from my dog where he’s pawed at me trying to get a treat, but it wasn’t aggression.

They have made a kind offer to look after your daughter in a safe place (relative's house without dog). You can choose to take them up on their offer, or not. Up to you. But your in-laws are being completely reasonable and very generous.

I voted YABU because your DD still gets to spend the time together with her DGM, and also away from the dog as per your wishes.

Then dont send her

So they’ve respected your wishes to keep DD away from the dog. They arranged safe accommodation and MIL is staying there too. I think they’ve been respectful and kind.

YABU in my opinion. Your DD is still spending time with her relatives and has been separated from the dog. Your mil has honoured your wishes. Presumably the dog lives there full time. You have two options send her or don’t. I don’t think it’s fair to dictate what happens in sone one else’s house.

Showing aggression it jumped on me earlier this year too and it wasn't being playful. They try to downplay it by saying it's just wanting a pat or it's just having fun. I think that's where part of my annoyance and lack of trust comes from.

So two people are making room and changing plans to look after your daughter ?

Seems a decent compromise, you can always not send her or could MIL stay with you?

I’m usually the first to complain when people prioritise animals over humans, but you can’t really expect the dog to leave its home so that your daughter can stay. Your MIL has made alternative arrangements so that she can still spend time with her grandchild. It seems like a reasonable compromise. Maybe the alternatives for the dog just weren’t suitable this year.

You can see how it's come about - dog lives with MIL and BIL and relative is happier to have DD and MIL stay than the dog.

MIL can't force relative to have the dog, she can only choose whether to take the offer or refuse to have DD.

Similarly you can't force MIL to force someone else to take the dog, you can only decide if you are happy sending DD to stay with MIL and the other relative.

I think MIL is trying to make the best of it stuck in the middle of a lot of stubborn relatives (you included) and shouldn't be getting the blame here.

She has to go and stay with a relative that she's never stayed with before and sees maybe twice a year, that the dog is being allowed to stay in the house and my 7yo daughter has to move out because of it?

it's not your MIL's fault that you apparently can't get through the summer without sending your child away to stay with people. Your child is your responsibility, not your in-laws'.

Your child isn't having to 'move out' of the house because she doesn't fucking live there! If you want someone else to look after your child in THEIR home for almost a week, you cannot possibly expect them to boot their own dog out just because you don't like it. You're already asking a big favour by wanting them to have your daughter for five days at a time and I don't blame them for putting their foot down and saying they're not going to off-load their dog as well.

You haven’t answered the question. Is it the dogs full time home? If so you are completely unreasonable and I’m not sure I trust your judgment on playfulness. You don’t get to kick a dog out of HIS own home especially when your mil is still looking after your child even if at another house. Pay for childcare if you don’t like it.

I don't want her to go, I'd be absolutely happy and would rather for her to stay at home than go away over 100miles away for a week but this has become "a thing" that if I said I didn't want to happen would cause a massive argument(which it has now anyway). I'm not doing it for childcare, I'm doing it to appease MIL who wants her for a week.

If it’s causing an argument anyway then you may aswell just say you don’t want her to go at all…

I don't need childcare, I don't even want my daughter to go but I feel pressured into it because my MIL and husband wants her to stay every summer for a week. The dog is my BILs who moved back home about 3 years ago.

Invite your MIL to stay at your home for a week? I think you’re over reacting, you’ve said you don’t want her there while the dog is so they’ve made alternate plans and your still not happy.

YABU the dog lives there full time and despite what you obviously think dogs are family members . The obvious solution is that your MIL comes to stay with you although your daughter staying with your MIL at another relatives sounds perfectly reasonable to me as well , assuming that the person they are staying with is not a danger to her .

The dog lives there, if you have a problem don't send your child there, it's quite simple.
I would never send my dogs somewhere else to give free childcare to a relative no matter who they were.

The op doesn’t want the childcare. As she’s said.

i totally agree that your dd can’t be in the house with the dog and I wouldn’t be either. I’d tell my dh that the fact he thought it was fine made me seriously question his judgment, and if he ever thought he could just let her in with the dog your marriage would be over.
im less sure about the friends house thing. It’s not idea and a shame but if they spend quality time together there then does it matter? Concentrate on the issue that could kill or cause life altering issues for your dd - the dog, and that she not be with it. If your mil is sticking to that I’d let the friends house thing go.

She doesn’t really want to send the child there, it’s in the thread.

I love when people jump to ‘just pay for childcare then’ on threads like this , they obviously don’t understand families where children are expected to spend time, alone, with family, regularly. Many families want and expect this, the MIL has probably planned activities she wants to take the child to, etc, and no staying with the OP, her DH and the child wont be seen as a solution to this as the MIL will want the child on her turf and without parents ‘interfering’ as she might see it, to do things she wants to do with the child in a place she is comfortable not as a visitor