Aibu for being unhappy my in-laws are putting a dog "first"

[GD12]

Basically my MILs son has a giant dog, I think it's a Staffordshire bull terrier but it's massive. It's also untrained. When our daughter was 4 a few years ago ist jumped up on her and scratched her chest at which point I said that our daughter couldn't stay in the house with it. She goes every summer to stay for 5 days and they usually put the dog elsewhere,the dog moving and staying with another relative etc. This year they didn't bother and the solution was to have my daughter stay with another relative instead of at her grans my mil would also stay at the relatives. Am I overreacting being annoyed about this? She has to go and stay with a relative that she's never stayed with before and sees maybe twice a year, that the dog is being allowed to stay in the house and my 7yo daughter has to move out because of it? Myself and hubby have had a fight because he can't see the problem, in fact he'd have her stay with the dog in the house. Maybe I'm being controlling but it's really pushing buttons in me.

What are you going to do OP? I’d just say no, not this year MIL. We look forward to your next visit to us.

Doesn’t your DH get a say in where his child spends her time? Sounds like you don’t think he should. A reasonable compromise had been arranged. It is acceptable to everyone but you. Don’t be so unreasonable.

But it isn’t just op’s decision is it. The child has a father.

The father is having his way so he can have a week off parenting. OP doesn’t want her to go away for a week. I think this is the crux of it.

Bit of a reach. No mention of dog being dangerous.

I'm amazed by some of the bizarre comments on this thread. I would be furious if I sent my daughter to stay with her Gran, to find she had been sent to stay with another relative I barely knew, even if Gran was there too. Has your daughter told you how she feels about this? The OP has said she is not looking for free child care. I would invite MIL to stay a few days at your home tocspend time with her GD.

I believe OP told DD about the change of plans but she was insisting she was still going to granny’s house

What breed is the dog?

I love how posters like you ignore that the daughter also has a father, who gets a say.

If you are uncomfortable for whatever reason you should not be sending your daughter alone.
either go with her for a long weekend, or MiL can come to yours without the dog.
I get that this will cause a fuss, but your child’s safety comes first

The child is not at risk at all, the mum is just being controlling.

This is mumsnet, not parentsnet. Obviously the father has no say in anything, at all, ever.

I will keep that in mind for the future. 😆

If one parent says 'we are going to send our 7-year-old DD away to my mother so I can have a week's rest' and the other parent says 'actually, no we're not, she's going to stay at home and I'm going to look after her', how do you see that conversation developing? Short of manhandling an unwilling child into a car and driving off with her, exactly how do you see the parent who wants to send her away 'winning' the argument?

So, yes in theory both parents get an equal say, but in practice, in this particular situation, it seems quite clear that they don't. The one who wants to look after their child is going to get to do that, whatever the other one says or does.

I think you've missed the point I'm making.
I agree with her that I wouldn't let that dog in the same house as my child.

But I wouldn't be happy it was my kid getting shipped out- the part about BIL not being being a grown up.

So I wouldn't send my kid.

She’s not being “shipped out” because she was never “in”.

If MIL were taking her to the presidential suite at a hotel in Mayfair, would you complain that DD is being “shipped out”?

My own mother has taken my DCs to various places that aren’t her home (hotels, camping, other relatives houses, etc) and never once have I felt that my DCs are being “shipped out” because they don’t live at her house in the first place.

The “I don’t agree with BIL making MIL’s life hard so I’ll do my darnedest to make MIL’s life hard too” is the most bizarre mental gymnastics on this thread.

Staffs are not giant dogs 😂

The kid isn’t getting “shipped out” because they don’t live there! The dog however does live there.

It’s also all rather irrelevant because OP admitted she doesn’t actually want this arrangement it’s her DH and MIL that do - for some reason she can’t grow a backbone and tell them no so she’s using the dog an excuse.