Aibu for being unhappy my in-laws are putting a dog "first"

[GD12]

Basically my MILs son has a giant dog, I think it's a Staffordshire bull terrier but it's massive. It's also untrained. When our daughter was 4 a few years ago ist jumped up on her and scratched her chest at which point I said that our daughter couldn't stay in the house with it. She goes every summer to stay for 5 days and they usually put the dog elsewhere,the dog moving and staying with another relative etc. This year they didn't bother and the solution was to have my daughter stay with another relative instead of at her grans my mil would also stay at the relatives. Am I overreacting being annoyed about this? She has to go and stay with a relative that she's never stayed with before and sees maybe twice a year, that the dog is being allowed to stay in the house and my 7yo daughter has to move out because of it? Myself and hubby have had a fight because he can't see the problem, in fact he'd have her stay with the dog in the house. Maybe I'm being controlling but it's really pushing buttons in me.

Could your dd and granny go off somewhere together for a few days? A B and B by the seaside maybe? That way it is a proper holiday not going to a relative to avoid the BiLs dog.

Nonsense. Imagine prioritising a great dangerous brute of a dog over their own grandchild.

I’d keep her home - you’ll be on tenterhooks all week, just not worth it!

I understand you not wanting the dog to be around your daughter but I don’t understand the fuss about daughter and grannie staying with the other relative for a few days. I’m guessing it’s a close family member to your mil, like a sister or cousin, not a random stranger.
. I’m sure this is much more about your resentment than real concerns for your daughter’s wellbeing. And if I’m wrong about the latter, maybe it will help your daughter build resilience and social skills getting to know this family member better.

I wouldn't accept a 7 year old staying a week with some random relative she barely knows because grandma won't tell her pathetic excuse for a son to put his badly behaved dog in a boarding kennel for a week.

It's one thing staying at grandma's house like the child does every summer. It's something else entirely to stay at Great Uncle Neville's house when she doesn't know him from Adam.

In our case it was grandma's half feral rescue dog, completely unreliable particularly around children.

It would be a big no from me. MIL can come and stay at your house to see her GD- there’s no need to shuffle a small child around the houses to avoid being mauled by an aggressive dog. You don’t need to appease a wheedling family by treating your daughter as though her needs and safety don’t matter.

@GD12 YANBU.

If your MIL wants your DD to stay for a week then she needs to make her home safe. Your BIL and his dog can go elsewhere - at 40 years old i'm sure he can manage this.

Why doesnt your DH invite his brother and dog over the same week so your MIL can have quality time with DD?

This thread is a.bit surreal. Ultimately a.mother has the right not to send her 7-year-old into a situation that she is not.comfortable with - for any reason whatsoever, or indeed for no reason at all. If you don't want your DD staying at the house of someone neither you nor she knows well, just say so, the.dog is almost a red herring at this point.

The problem - as is so often the case - is a DH who would rather not say no to mummy dearest than support his wife. Honestly @GD12 since you don't want your DD to go, keep her at home and let your DH deal with any arguments or fall-out. In future your MIL will have to come up with arrangements that work for you, or forego the week with her GD.

How about DH pays for MIL and DD to go on holiday for the 5 days if he needs his rest so badly?

That's not a reason though. Why do you feel that way? Why would a 7yo care if she's with Granny at Granny's house or with Granny at Uncle Neville's?

Also, OP has decided that Granny has an issue with BIL and the dog. We have no idea if that's the case. The dog has been sent out several times before. It could be that the dog has an injury so can't be in a kennel or that the kennels were booked up or that the person who usually takes the dog is away... We have no idea and nor does OP so it's just guessing. Basing the entire outrage on something that's been made up isn't a sensible way to behave.

If the dog was just being boisterous and it’s where he lives, I’m on the fence. It’s harder to send the dog somewhere else than for MIL to stay somewhere else with your daughter. They are actually accommodating your wishes the best they can

The dog does not have an injury, of course I know. Husband and MIL are in contact every few days or every week and discuss it and her annoyance at having a giant dog in her house.. There is no reason it couldn't have been moved or put in a kennel.

Ok. So what reason did they explicitly say to you was the reason why they've chosen not to move the dog out?

Although, it's irrelevant because you don't want her going either way🙄

There was no reason given, just that they'd be staying in the relatives because the dog would be in the house. I voiced my annoyance at this a few weeks ago when I was told but I backed down because it's not worth the hassle of an argument. The dog isn't ill, it's fine. Now the time has come I'm wondering why I'm backing down.

So, if no reason was given, you don't know the reason. Just because they haven't told you if the dog is injured, ill, having an operation (whatever) doesn't mean it can't be true. If they haven't told you the reason then you don't know what the reason is - so you can't know if it's a completely fair and valid reason.

Your 7yo doesn't need to move out! It's not her house, it's her grandmother's. I think it's kind of the grandmother to offer the option of staying with your DD elsewhere.

No, it's definitely not ill or sick I would've been told or seen it on social media. Are you a dog owner? You seem to be very defensive of it.

Op is being unreasonable.Op’s child is not a regular stay over visitor, she stays for 5 days once a year There’s lots of posters on here, who can’t stand dogs, so really would never understand, a dog, is dare l say it, part of of someone’s family, no doubt that will anger people, but it’s true.Op has said, she doesn’t really want her daughter to go, stay with her in-laws.So what’s the real issue here!
Op doesn’t want her daughter to go, her in-laws are not or are unable to make other arrangements for their dog.It’s unreasonable, to expect someone to make arrangements for their dog to leave, just because, the dog, jumped up once and left a scratch
Complete over reaction.

No one should be demanding to have your child 100 miles away for a week. Invite MIL to you and say DD doesn't want to go to a stranger's house.

YANBU to expect your 7yo to be prioritised over a large, aggressive dog. Not sure why your DH doesn't understand this.

Sorry, editing post above to say I meant PIL, not parents. Didn't catch it in time to edit before.

Yes, I am a dog owner. And I've never, ever, ever told my in-laws or posted on social media any time that any pet I've ever had has been unwell, injured, in need of treatment or anything else.

Regardless, I listed several other valid reasons why they could have done things this way around - if you don't know the reason (and you don't) then you can't know the reason isn't reasonable.

Dangerous Dog. Do behave!

If MIL is willing to have DD around the dog and you think the dog is aggressive then MIL doesn’t have DD best interest in mind and could put her in danger with other situations

However in saying that I think perhaps dog isn’t as dangerous as you are making out and MIL wouldn’t put DD at risk and is trying really hard to appease you

The dog is not ill I can assure you and we can see the bias in your answers because youre a dog owner. If you've ever had a big dog and it is a big dog jump up on your young child and act aggressively then your attitude to that dog changes. And it's not once that it's happened, as I said it did it early this year to me. It's untrained and aggressive,I've said this numerous times.

Since she’s staying with her gran / your MIL at the other relative’s house this wouldn’t bother me.

Your MIL has respected your rule that your Dd does not stay in the house with the dog, and sorted it the way it works best for her.

It’s not your MIL’s dog, it must be hard for her to find a place to farm it out to.

Don’t be difficult.