Aibu for being unhappy my in-laws are putting a dog "first"

[GD12]

Basically my MILs son has a giant dog, I think it's a Staffordshire bull terrier but it's massive. It's also untrained. When our daughter was 4 a few years ago ist jumped up on her and scratched her chest at which point I said that our daughter couldn't stay in the house with it. She goes every summer to stay for 5 days and they usually put the dog elsewhere,the dog moving and staying with another relative etc. This year they didn't bother and the solution was to have my daughter stay with another relative instead of at her grans my mil would also stay at the relatives. Am I overreacting being annoyed about this? She has to go and stay with a relative that she's never stayed with before and sees maybe twice a year, that the dog is being allowed to stay in the house and my 7yo daughter has to move out because of it? Myself and hubby have had a fight because he can't see the problem, in fact he'd have her stay with the dog in the house. Maybe I'm being controlling but it's really pushing buttons in me.

Team bil here. He is a responsible ddog owner for not passing his ddog back and forwards.. Ddogs need stability..

Do you have young children/had children?? My DD would hate to be in a strange house without at least one parent with her, 100 miles away! She’s seven not 17.

...but OP wants her to be in a strange house without her parents... It's just that she wants her in a different strange house... OP wants DD and the dog to both be in strange houses because if it's just DD then OP feels like that's not equal and fair.

If they'd moved house, would OP kick off?

Also, I don't think it's usual for a 7yo to be so dramatic about something so normal.

The DD does this every summer though. My children would also hate it but they aren't used to being away from me for a week, it sounds like this is an arrangement that has happened for years.

I would just say no. And tell your DH he needs to support that. No way would I be pushed into letting my daughter go somewhere I didn't want her to go.

Yes, at granny’s house sans Hound

Her grans house isn't a strange house, she has all her toys there and has been numerous times. She's barely been to the relatives house and in fact I don't even want that, I want her to stay at home with me. I've agreed to it in the previous years to keep the peace.

Yabu. You knew your MIL proposed staying woth DD elsewhere and you said yes. Don't get stroppy now because you'd prefer a different choice was on the table.

MIL is putting her dog,.who is woth her every day, over your convenience of having your DD says there once a year.

Right!

So stop trying to make everyone else out to be the problem and just be honest. It's not fair to have people running around "fixing" problems that aren't the real problem.

OP, enjoy the week off with your DH, there isn't a problem if you don't make it one.
PS if you take your DD on holiday to an airbnb, would she refuse as it's somewhere unfamiliar? If so, there's more serious problem than MIL and the dog.

No, it is partly the problem if the dog wasn't there this thread wouldn't exist and yes, it is an aggressive dog(despite what the dog lovers here are trying to say)I know what an aggressive dog is. There's also other reasons that I haven't gone into that would feed into her not going at all but you can't get nuance across on the net.

I have an idea how about BIL and his dog can stay with you and DH for the week so DD can stay in their home?

🤣

Sounds fair 🤣🤣

The reality is they have this dog that they presumably are attached to and they also want your DD as well so they have come up with a solution that means she still gets to spend a week with her gran. It might be that they are finding it difficult to place the dog somewhere this time?

That doesn't make any sense. I stand by what I said.

You’re well within your rights to say no visit if the dog is in the house and that’s the end of it. She’s going to feel unsettled being in a in almost strange house with people she doesn’t know and you don’t even want her to go anyway.

its not her dog it’s her son’s and as OP says earlier, she doesn’t even want the dog there.

So much this. Not a chance I'd be looking after them in their elder age if this is their attitude, and I'd be making that exceptionally clear to 'D'H.

It's the dogs home , yabu

Dog should have been destroyed anyway, if it is that aggressive. I never understand people who make excuses for their horrible feral pets. I think that the law should be that if your dog kills someone you are charged with manslaughter.

I’d make this the one summer that ‘oh I'm
not having you go to all that trouble of moving into Aunty Jane’s - we’ll see you at Christmas.’

Make both the presence of the dog, and the change of location, a non negotiable. And don’t worry about fall out. They have a choice. You choose your DD’s well-being. What do they choose?

Sorry but people who put a dog’s convenience above their own grandchild don’t deserve to see their grandchild imo. It’s pathetic.

This

Does your MIL realize your daughter is a human being and not a library book?

Quote - or murder if it has bitten someone before

You're not at all unreasonable not to want your daughter to be in the same house/room as this dog.

Though if its a Staffie its not a giant, they're a small/medium breed/if its a giant sized dog it isn't a Staffie.

They are not unreasonable to prioritise a dog that lives with them over a child who does not.

You don't have to let your kid go though - if you don't think it is safe, say no.

As a canine professional - there is absolutely no fucking way I would let a small child go to a home with a big dog that jumps up, isn't friendly, and is owned by people who don't appear to understand dog behaviour.