Aibu for being unhappy my in-laws are putting a dog "first"

[GD12]

Basically my MILs son has a giant dog, I think it's a Staffordshire bull terrier but it's massive. It's also untrained. When our daughter was 4 a few years ago ist jumped up on her and scratched her chest at which point I said that our daughter couldn't stay in the house with it. She goes every summer to stay for 5 days and they usually put the dog elsewhere,the dog moving and staying with another relative etc. This year they didn't bother and the solution was to have my daughter stay with another relative instead of at her grans my mil would also stay at the relatives. Am I overreacting being annoyed about this? She has to go and stay with a relative that she's never stayed with before and sees maybe twice a year, that the dog is being allowed to stay in the house and my 7yo daughter has to move out because of it? Myself and hubby have had a fight because he can't see the problem, in fact he'd have her stay with the dog in the house. Maybe I'm being controlling but it's really pushing buttons in me.

" ... a giant dog, I think it's a Staffordshire bull terrier but it's massive. It's also untrained."
A Staffordshire Bull Terrier is very much a medium-size dog. If this dog is "massive" it's more likely to be an XL Bully, surely?

There is no way I would allow myself, never mind my child, to be around an untrained XL Bully. I'd even hesitate to be around an untrained Staffie (and I used to have a Staffie, I love them). Staffies are incredibly strong dogs, and can do serious damage to a human with very little effort on their part. Why has your brother-in-law not trained his dog?

Mil comes to you for a week. I totally wouldn't want my dd near that dog and dd is used to dogs. Especially as you don't need childcare...I'll get them to drop this arrangement. Yanbu

But why? What would be your reason? You are just trying to pick a quarrel so you can avoid your DD having a visit with her grandmother. You’re not coming across well.

Yes, I agree with that. But your AIBU was about her putting the dog first. I can't see what else she can do.

God forbid anyone asks a 40-year old man staying at his mum's place to take his dog elsewhere for week.

It doesn't make one iota of difference.

Either it is aggressive and should never, ever be anywhere near small children, or it is jumpy untrained and won't obey commands, in which case it should be kept away from small children anyway.

Whichever way, the OP is totally in the right here.

I said elsewhere I'm not necessarily blaming her and I can see she's probably in a difficult situation My 40yo BIL however could take responsibility for it and find alternative accomodation, he's known for months. My MIL doesn't even want the dog.

Where do you usually stay when you visit MIL as a family?

Do you trust MIL (and BIL) to ensure that DD doesn’t encounter BIL’s DoH? If not, then it’s unwise for DD to go. It’s just not worth the risk.

With her grandmother

It’s not HIS home it’s HER home. He’s a 40 year old man who has rocked up with his big dog after splitting with his gf

But the child is being kept away from the dog, as OP requested, so what’s the problem?

If you’re not comfortable with DD going away for a week then I wouldn’t have agreed to it in the first place tbh. So your husband wants a break and some peace, is he a SAHP? He could strop all he likes.
I wouldn’t send my child to a house with a feisty dog though. Where is MIL proposing to stay?

If it's massive, it's not a Staffie. Proper breed-standard Staffies are quite small dogs, albeit solid.

She isn't sending the child away. The child is having a holiday with grandma (or relative)

What a reach

YANBU. I wouldn’t send her. I’d not trust the parents to keep the dog away from her.

Yes, he could and should. But he hasn’t. Presumably your MIL has been unable to force him to. But she clearly wants a relationship with her granddaughter, to the extent that she’s moving out of her home for a week to facilitate this. If the only issue is "she's putting the dog first!" that sounds ridiculous to me.

This.
It's the dog's home, find a creche that meets your requirements elsewhere.

Just because MIL asks, doesn’t mean she gets.

I think the dog is a red herring. Why are you sending your DD away for a week if you don’t want to?

So you think it’s reasonable that OP has taken offence because they’ve "put the dog first" (even though what they’ve arranged is to keep DD separate from the dog, as requested)?

Well my inlaws have 4 dogs at times have had upto 6. When DD was little and we realised the dogs where a problem as not socialised with children and would bark and jump at the children. We made the decision not to ever let the children stay with the inlaws ever again, unfortunately that means our children have had very little contact with their grandparents as they are always busy doing activities with the dogs. But I'd prefer that then a child who was scared of dogs or worse bitten by them.

Luckily DH and myself where on the same page with this one, even though they are his parents. But I would have objected if he had thought it was a good idea they go to his parents unsupervised by us.

I don’t think any of this matters unless your dd is upset about the new location. The dog won’t be there, the Nan will. She’ll have two ladies adoring her.

Dogs don't jump and scratch as a sign of aggression. They growl and bite.

It did not "jump aggressively" or "scratch her chest" out of aggression. If it were aggressive, it would've bitten, growled, snapped, etc.

You saying things like "it jumped at me aggressively but they say it just wants a pat"... if a big staffy jumped at you aggressively then no one in the world could play that down as wanting a pat... It's not possible.

It undermines any genuine concern you have when you say things that will make people around you roll their eyes.

You obviously know absolutely nothing about dogs and have completely overreacted.

You will damage your daughter with this type of nonsense.

You could always look after your own child rather than farming her out to a practical stranger by the sound of things. Poor kid and poor pup.

I do