Aibu for being unhappy my in-laws are putting a dog "first"

[GD12]

Basically my MILs son has a giant dog, I think it's a Staffordshire bull terrier but it's massive. It's also untrained. When our daughter was 4 a few years ago ist jumped up on her and scratched her chest at which point I said that our daughter couldn't stay in the house with it. She goes every summer to stay for 5 days and they usually put the dog elsewhere,the dog moving and staying with another relative etc. This year they didn't bother and the solution was to have my daughter stay with another relative instead of at her grans my mil would also stay at the relatives. Am I overreacting being annoyed about this? She has to go and stay with a relative that she's never stayed with before and sees maybe twice a year, that the dog is being allowed to stay in the house and my 7yo daughter has to move out because of it? Myself and hubby have had a fight because he can't see the problem, in fact he'd have her stay with the dog in the house. Maybe I'm being controlling but it's really pushing buttons in me.

I think your Mil can't deal with her son, the owner of the dog and this year she had to surrender to his wishes and leave the dog staying with him and she and your DD can have a lovely time and the same time of visiting other family that will accommodate your demand of no dog and child together. Which is a fair and straight demand.
I think you have done well not wanting the dog around your DD and I think your Mil is trying to keep the "peace".
I think the ones that need training are BIL and the dog to be honest.
I wouldn't punish a grandmother to not see her DGD for this. I think your husband is right there is no need to make the deal bigger.
Next year ask your DD what she wants to do. She will be 8 or 9 old enough to be taken into account in this arrangement in my opinion.

Are you expecting them to pay for a kennel or boarding? That’s expensive and not easy to find in the summer holidays.

YABU, I wouldn’t move my cats out if i had a grandchild that was allergic as a comparison. Different if my own child of course.

When you buy or adopt an animal you should be making a promise for life to care for them, the dog is getting older now and they might want it at home with them.

Honestly you have to put your daughter first. Be honest. You don’t want her staying with the dog and you don’t want her staying at a stranger’s house. You are entitled as her mother to do what’s best for her. Invite your MIL to come and stay with you for a few days instead and spend time with your daughter.

Well your parents are entitled to want to have your daughter stay overnight, and you're entitled to decline.

But it isn't her home. It's theirs. Some people might not ever have the grandkids alone overnight, dog or not.

They aren't going to get rid of the dog. Nor should they have to. its a case of grin and bear it. Or just have them come to yours to see the kids minus the dog.

We had a very similar issue. We said the condition for the grandchildren staying was the dog being in a boarding kennel for the duration of the visit. We were happy to cover the cost.

The difference was we presented a united front. I'm sorry your DH isn't being supportive.

It's not a stranger. It's a relative that she sees twice a year - and she's staying there with her grandmother, who OP is happy for her to stay with.

OP is just being a drama llama princess.

If you aren't happy don't send your DD. Not your house so not your rules.

Entirely irrelevant to the OP'S point - but if it's "massive", it's not a Staffie. Staffies are quite small. Could be a cross-breed.

And YABU.

No one apart from the exceptionally over sensitive op says the dog is dangerous so please stop labelling it when you have no idea. The dog hasn't been aggressive, he's jumped up to say hello by the sound of it which isn't idea and he could no doubt do with some training, but that's a world away from it being a dangerous dog.

Oh and she's cleverly thrown the staffie word in there because she knows it would have the desired effect from the uninformed. Staffies are wonderful caring, nanny dogs but it sounds like this one isn't a staffie anyway.

YANBU. It's not the dog's home. Its just a dog and this is where it lives. It will cope with being away for a week. They can accept not having your daughter for the week if they are going to make things more difficult.

I'm genuinely curious to hear why you would insist on the dog being in a kennel if the daughter is going to a different house entirely?

I can't see OP's point of view at all.

Why would you have an issue with your DD and her grandmother staying at the home of another relative that your child also knows? I really don't understand.

YABU. DD has somewhere safe to stay and can visit with MIL, and the dog stays in its own home where it settled. Sounds like a win-win to me.

Entitled much 🙄

It's not DD's home either! Why on earth does OP care at all whether DD stays at their house or with the other relative? I'm sending my DS to see SIL/BIL for two days later this month. I cannot express how little I would care if they said "oh, we're planning to spend a night at Aunt Ethel's". Why would anyone have a problem with it?

OP, could you explain what the actual problem is? You've made the whole thing about the dog but the dog is irrelevant. Your problem is that you don't want your DD staying at this other relative's house? Why? What is your issue with that relative or their house? She's still with her granny... I don't get it.

Well then she needs to grow a backbone and tell her 40-year old man child to move out and take his dog with him (at least for the week she's having your DD to stay).

But why don't you just say no to the plans for MIL and DD stay elsewhere if you're not happy with them? You don't have to ship your DD off for a week just to keep your MIL happy.

And I'm sure you're aware but your DH is a moron!

ps edited for typos

She thinks she's going to stay at her grans house, i said to her about this other relative and she said no I'm going to grannies and was insistent on it. She barely even knows the other relative, like I said. Im not even entirely comfortable with her being so far away but I've said nothing for years to keep the peace.

Your mil isn't choosing a dog over your DD, I bet she's choosing to keep the peace with her adult DS who lives in her house and she's probably a bit anxious about upsetting.

Let your DM go and stay at the relative's with your DD if your DD is ok with this arrangement, it seems like it really matters to your DM to spend time with your DD and she's found a solution away from the dog.

Ok. So, you have no reason at all against it other than that you haven't explained it to you 4yo... YABU.

You still haven't answered if the dog is dangerous, has it bitten anyone or actually injured anyone worse than a scratch from jumping up? A friend of mine had a dog that would flatten you up against the front door as you came in, it was a big, tall dog, but it was just being extremely friendly. They may have thought that when DD was 4 she couldn't cope with the dog but now she's 7 and the dog is older and hopefully better behaved it's more difficult to banish the poor dog (if it isn't actually dangerous).

A Staffy isn't a large breed of dog, they're short and stocky. They're also, for the most part, extremely good tempered so what you believe to be aggression is probably enthusiastic jumping up which led to scratches. That's not the fault of dog as it hasn't been trained.
You seem to be expecting the dog to be moved out of its home to accommodate your child's visit which is unreasonable. Your MIL has made alternative arrangements which allow the dog to remain at home whilst respecting your wishes. I don't think you have reason to complain.

Then surely you tell her "yes you are going to stay with granny". Why on earth should the house matter? You are manufacturing an issue here where there isn't one.

To you maybe @Jiddles but several of us on this thread think the OP is not being unreasonable and there has been no direct mention that OP either doesn’t like her MIL or that she wishes to sever their bond. I wouldn’t like this for my 7yr old DD either.

She doesnt want her kid staying so far away. She tried to use the dog as a reason why the visit couldn't happen. They've come up with a reasonable alternative and now the OP is trying to make another excuse. Actually she should just say the truth "I am not comfortable with my DD staying so far away" and leave the BIL out of it