To think women who say “I’m just one of the lads” secretly crave male approval?

[TheFluentCrow]

I always hear women saying this as though it’s a badge of honour. But isn’t it really just about wanting validation from men and distancing themselves from other women?

Yes it is.

I absolutely agree.

Men are much easier to get on with, they are much more easygoing and simple. I have many male and female friends. You're overthinking it.

Yes. I always think “tragic and desperate” if I hear a woman say something like that.

Is this being what my daughter calls a “pick me”?

Yes, I know quite a few. My partner plays a sports where the club is 50:50 male/female. There's a couple of the women who cross all reasonable boundaries with the men and get quite huffy when the wives or girlfriends call them out. Apparently we're uptight and don't understand they're just one of the guys.

Yep

Of course.

"Men are easier to get on with" no they're bloody not. Whether someone is easy to get on with is nothing to do with gender, some men are difficult, some women are difficult.

So if someone says this, it's obvious they are bootlicking men to me, and likely putting more effort into their friendships with men (sorry whoever it was that said this, but it's true).

Came here to say it screams of "Pick me"

I’m always wary of women who say they only get on with men and all other women are bitches etc. I understand getting on better with men/certain men, but not writing off all women. I have no idea how to feel about the opposite because I can’t think of any men I know or have met who exclusively hang out with only women.

Depends on the context surely? I’m in a vastly majority male hobby and consider myself (and am considered by the men!) as one of the “lads”.

Down the pub, drinking pints and acting like a 21 year old, then absolutely.

Yeh. I'm a bit suspicious of women who don't get on with other women; what's not to like? Women are, on the whole, amazing.

Exactly, that’s often the vibe. The ‘one of the lads’ label can sometimes act like a humblebrag that positions you as different (read: better) than other women. It’s not always conscious but it can reek of pick me energy when it’s about male approval rather than genuine connection.

I’d find anyone, male or female, who only has friends of one sex very odd.

Probably better to overthink that underthink and come out with reductive generalisations like 'men are much easier to get on with' I can only assume you've not met many men, because I promise you, some are not at all easy to get on with, simple or easy going. Men are individuals with many different personality types.

I’d query the ‘secretly’.

Women in male dominated environments can be one of the team without needing to be ‘one of the lads’. Maybe that requires a bit more self confidence?

Groups of men can be simpler & more straightforward to get on with, they tend to have fewer agendas, fewer games are played and schoolgirl type cliques are less of an issue. It’s just so much easier.

The tradeoff for this is that male friendships can be more superficial.

That makes sense, context matters. If it’s about shared interests or joking around in a specific setting, fair enough. I’m more talking about when it’s used as an identity, like distancing yourself from women or implying that being close to men is somehow superior. That’s when it starts to feel performative.

"Men are much easier to get on with, they are much more easygoing and simple."

Speak for yourself. You might be more "difficult" and uptight than the average man but I'm not and my female friends are not- the ones I know are straightforward, get-on-with-it types. As are the men I'm friendly with.

This

Exactly, I’ve always felt that way too. Of course not every woman will click with every other but when someone prides themselves on not liking women, it often says more about internalised stuff than actual experience.

I have met some insanely bitchy men in my industry. I don't know why men have the stereotype of being easy going

It's also when you use that to cross boundaries because "it doesn't mean anything because I'm just one of the lads". If you're just going to the pub and having pints, no one cares. If you're behaving in a way that you have to justify as "I can do this because I'm just one of the lads"- then youre probably in pick me territory.

It’s not even secretly haha.
and it’s pathetic, lads are the worst thing to aspire to be or to gain the approval of

I used ‘secretly’ because sometimes it feels like the “one of the lads” label gets worn as a subtle dig at other women, not just a neutral descriptor. But I agree, it can also just reflect confidence and comfort in that space.