To think women who say “I’m just one of the lads” secretly crave male approval?

[TheFluentCrow]

I always hear women saying this as though it’s a badge of honour. But isn’t it really just about wanting validation from men and distancing themselves from other women?

I have more male friends because I just seem to only ever meet men with the same interests as me.

However, I love women and wish I could make more female friends. I think that’s the difference between someone like me and a typical “pick me.” I don’t put women down or act like I’m different from other women. I think women are great.

I also wouldn’t be friends with the kinds of men who put women down either. The pick me types o know would join in with that kind of talk, whereas I’d shut it down.

I'd never use that exact phrase, but I went into a male dominated profession, was the only female on my college course. I've mainly been treated as one of the lads apart from at one hideous workplace. I do find male groups easier in some ways, I always miss the mark with groups of women and have been the subject of bullying a few times.

I'm certainly not a "pick me", I'm in a long term relationship with a lovely guy. One of the things I like about a male friendship groups is that I don't need to make any effort, no one minds my quirkiness. There's certainly no cry for male attention, exactly the opposite. Mumsnet is always so weird about this kind of thing.

I get your point, but as another poster has said, some women naturally gravitate towards men, as in your case with traditional male pursuits, and then, there;s another sort of woman who says she's one of the lads as a form of competition with other women. They are the 'pick me' ones.

I used to be “one of the lads”, which is highly ironic as I don’t have any male friends anymore or have any interest in cultivating any new friendships with any.

Here’s the thing. My whole childhood/early teens I was told I was girling wrong. I was too loud , I was too bouncy, I laughed too much, I joked too much, I played too rough, I got too dirty , I was too messy, I was too daring .I got in trouble for it. I got punished for it. I was laughed at for it.So guess what? I started to believe it. That I was indeed different. That I wasn’t like the other girls. Not better, in fact, obviously defective and completely sucking at being a girl. The most frustrating thing is that none of those behaviours would’ve been an issue if I was a boy. So yeah, I found “acceptance “ by being one of the lads. To just be who I was , say the things I wanted to say, do the things I wanted to do.

Slightly delusional? Sure.

Looking for male validation or love interests? Nope. In fact , it was fucking heartbreaking when one of them would hit on me because it showed that I wasn’t , in fact, “one of the lads” (hence the delusional). I can see it clearly now. I couldn’t then.

Tragic? Well yeah, I wasted to many years denying my girl/woman hood and having extremely limited female friendships.

Desperate? Only to be allowed to be me, warts and all.

Whenyousaynothingat all.
Interesting point of view.

oh yes ….. !!!

Do women really still say that? It was tremendously popular in the 90’s, but I thought things had moved on since those days.. Then again I’m a lot older so..