To think women who say “I’m just one of the lads” secretly crave male approval?

[TheFluentCrow]

I always hear women saying this as though it’s a badge of honour. But isn’t it really just about wanting validation from men and distancing themselves from other women?

It's actually rarely said outloud by women who prefer just watching football and drinking pints. They just get on with it.

It is usually said by women who use watching football as their excuse to go along on what would be a lads outing and then behave in a way that crosses the line. When they are challenged they say "I'm just one of the lads" or "I'm always like this, it doesn't mean anything". When actually they love being the only woman in an all male group. It makes them feel special.

The motivation is different. Having a hobby that you actually enjoy versus developing a hobby to get yourself into a group you enjoy.

Maybe...and this is just looking at my own experience here and some PP comments that (some) women see it as a tool to infiltrate a group of men and try and find a partner. Especially the ones like I spoke of who seem to find married men a turn on. They come in as "one of the lads" drink and chat along on their wavelength pretty soon its a "your wife doesnt understand you like i do" path and bam! Shit hits the fan they walk away under the guise of we were only friends, he was the married one...

But im totally projecting 😅

There's a time to outgrow it, though. I was bullied and outcast by the group of girls at my school when I was a child and had all male friends, so as a teenager I went through the one of the lads/not like other girls phase. Then I got to uni at 18 and realized I'd just met some mean girls before and needed to grow up, stop being childish and make male and female friends.

My Dd is mid 30s she hung about with boys at school both primary and secondary there was a few other girls in the group. DD wasn't into "traditional girl stuff" and a lot of the girls were not very welcoming of girls who didn't like x y z, She also did a male orientated degree,
so again young guys were her friends, I don't think she was a "pick me" or "Desperate " just circumstances

All of my friends are men. I come from a family of brothers and my dad is my best friend.

Women never like me but men love me. I don’t want their approval or attention but they make the best friends.

But again...is she walking about saying "I don't have any female friends, im one of the lads..." or just living her life

I think that the 90s ladette culture had a lot to do with it. It was considered “cool” and sexy to be one of the lads.

I grew up with 3 older brothers and definitely felt more like one of the lads in my late teens. I had female friends who I was a lot closer to but I did love going out with my brothers. I even went on my brothers stag do rather than my sister in laws hen as we were much closer and it just made sense.

I do agree that a small part of it was “oh I’m a cool girl, the boys will fancy me” but I had very low self esteem when I was younger. As I’ve gotten a lot older I do see it more for what it was,

I have good friends of both sexes now but wouldn’t consider myself “one of the lads” like I used to.

This convo always reminds me of the “Cool Girl” monologue in a Gone Girl.

I think there's a link with neurodiversity. When I was younger, girl friendships seemed complicated and men always seemed to like me straight away, so all my friends were men. Then it turned out most of my "friends" were actually thinking they might eventually have a chance to sleep with me if they waited around long enough. I no longer try to kid myself that I'm "one of the boys."

I get on far easier with men, do I do it because I secretly crave their affection and attention, absolutely not. I grew up with two brothers, my best friend is male (and no i don't want to jump into bed with him). I just find it easier to talk to the males of the species. I was definitely 'one of the lads' when I was younger, I was even invited on a lads only holiday, I was quite often the only girl in the group.

I went to an all girls boarding school so I should find female friendships easier. I don't. I was bullied at school and girls can be absolute bitches.

Just living her life but I guess she would have said she was 1 of the lads when she was younger, she doesn't hate women and does have a couple of female friends.

This thread is the perfect example of why some women might prefer men as friends! All these women are so suspicious 🙄 I bet they can't cope if their DH has a female friend and will immediately think they must be having an affair, even if the woman is 10x more attractive than DH 🤣

Men build friendships differently and, in my experience, much faster. That’s why people say it’s easier because you see men going from meeting each other to being good friends in a matter of weeks. I’ve seen DH do it, he met a guy whilst out running a while back and within a couple of weeks they’re running together, went to the pub and took the kids to the park.

Women never like me but men love me

You can't say this and then say "I don't want their approval" immediately afterwards, can you see how that contradicts?

Also, if every woman you've ever met disliked you, it might be wise to consider how you're behaving and speaking to them and what vibes you're giving off.

Funnily enough this is exactly what pick-mes tend to say 💁‍♀️

My best friend is a man I’ve known a lot longer than my husband, and whenever there is a thread about opposite sex friendships I think people are ridiculous for saying they wouldn’t “allow it”.

I still think it’s absolutely ridiculous to say “I prefer men because women are bitchy/complicated/none of them like me/game playing” or any other stereotype being depressingly applied to women by other women who see themselves as above all that female nonsense.

Well yes, if a woman actively hates other women it's quite likely other women will feel quite suspicious of her.

In my friendship group most women say they prefer to work with men. They get treated better, less gossip, less judgemental... it's easy to see why some women would prefer to associate with "being one of the lads".

Just read the comments on here about such women and you can see who the spiteful women are with their nasty comments that mean some women prefer to be "one of the lads" rather than "one of the girls".

That's not why it's not secret imo. It's not secret because it's obvious. I don't think it reflects confidence and comfort in that space either. If you felt that comfortable and confident in male company, you wouldn't feel the need to state that you're one of the lads.

It's bitchy comments like this that are precisely why some women prefer to associate with men and be "one of the lads" rather than associate with those who are far more bitchy/judgemental.

It speaks volumes that you think all women are more bitchy and judgemental than men.

I'd love for the people on this thread to do a drama degree; any notion of women being the carry, dramatic bitchy ones would go out the window 🤣

Sadly I have had the same where Managers have been concerned, bar one. All of my female Managers have been bordering on sociopaths, so incredibly bitchy and nasty at times

less gossip, less judgemental..

Lmao. That woman is not seeing male colleagues as they really are in their relaxed state if she really believes this. Those men are ripping the shit out of her behind her back the moment she's out the door, 1000%.😁

Same! My current manager is male, and he's fair and easy going and an absolute pleasure to work with. My old manager was a nasty, witch who played favourites and made my life hell (so much so I left a company I had been at for 15 years).

my oldest friends are women I went to primary school with, but now I'm a parent most of my socialising is going to football, where I am the only woman among the group I go with. There I suppose I am "one of the lads", but if they were actually "laddish", I wouldn't want to be! So what I'm saying is, even as someone who mostly socialises with men, I agree!

I don’t think it’s secret because other women know what she really means.

I don’t think men would know though. They don’t care about the motivations of a pick me.