Help me see clearly with in laws - taking my daughter on a scary ride without our permission

[InLawDramaAgain]

Due to issues with my inlaws in the past - especially MIL not respecting boundaries and using lots of emotional blackmail I can't see clearly with them.

Me, DH and our 2 children went to Gulliver's World with MIL, BIL and his wife. MIL, BIL and his wife said they would take my 33 month old to the play area bit while me and DH waited in line with our elder son for a ride. The ride was having technical issues so after 15 minutes we went to find them. BIL and his wife had taken our 33 month of DD on the pirate ship ride. While MIL was watching. They did not ask us if this was okay. She just meet the minimum height requirements as she is tall for her age. Every time DD looked at the ride she pulled a terrified look on her face and shaking her head. I was both annoyed and shocked at the time and busy conforting my daughter and did not want to cause a scene at the park and DH never confronted them about this.

They are very enmeshed and from susan forwards toxic inlaws are the engulfers, the controllers and the critics. I am the black sheep. They have negatively effect my mental health. DH is still in the FOG and been conditioned his entire childhood not to roak any boats with his family - its been a long road to set up boundaries with them and when I bring up new issues he just accusses me of causing drama.

1. AIBU to be annoyed by this - taking her on a ride she wasn't ready for without consulting us. And my wet lettuce of a husband not wanting to confront them.
2. AIBU to also send a messge to MIL and BIL addressing this issue
3. AIBU to say no unsupervised access to our children from them - I must be there as DH is too much of a wet lettuce to advocate for them

It's done, I'm sure she's fine now. YABU for saying your daughter is 33months, say 2.5 or nearly 3 like a normal person 😐

It’s Gullivers World, so suitable for small children. She’s nearly 3. It’s basically a big swing.

This

If they’re such a problem, why did you go for a day out with them and then allow unsupervised access? I have a controlling avd toxic DM. No way would I have allowed this to happen. She would have got unsupervised access over my dead body.

Child is very nearly 3! They hit the height requirements. There is no lasting damage. Unclench

Was she actually upset though? Doesn’t sound like it and it sounds like you are looking for issues where there are none tbh. In future don’t leave either child with them. But also stop with the drama or your genuine concerns will never be taken seriously.

To clarify- they took her on a perfectly age appropriate ride at a theme park? Its evident you dislike them and are looking to use this against them, I suspect your DH isnt standing up to them as he doesnt see an issue with a perfectly normal and safe activity being undertaken in their care?

This. As soon as I read 33 months, I knew it would be a precious parent whine.

Sorry, but the pirate ship is fine for a 3 year old. You were at a theme park and in laws were helping out. All sounds good to me

You lost me at 'scary ride' at Gulliver's World

I don't think anyone is BU here. There's a pirate ship at peppa pig world and it doesnt look scary - I went on with my 3.5yo dd and she asked me to make it stop! (I gestured to the staff member and he did immediately stop it, they're so fab at PPW).

It doesn't look like a scary ride at all but when you're on it you get stomach-dropping feelings.

I don't think your in laws realised it was a scary ride... I didn't until we got on.

It sounds as though there's a lot more going on here, but from what you've said, this is a massive overreaction on your part.

The Pirate Ship would be terrifying for such a little one! YANBU!

Can your 3 year old not speak? Why are you basing her feelings off head shaking and looks? I'd be more concerned about her inability to communicate than about her going on a ride at Gulliver's, a theme park aimed at small children.

I'll add that my dd is generally tough and we've since done Go Ape once she turned 4 and various other "scary" things but that pirate ship ride is quite queasy-making

33 months...

I, myself am 518 months

Sounds perfectly normal and acceptable to me. No idea why you would take offense.

It’s a big swing, OP. She met the height requirement.

My child went on that ride at a similar age.
I don't think it's a big deal

One of mine i wouldnt have taken on it because they were more sensitive, but I wouldnt assume it's abusive or neglect to take them on. Its not inappropriate for that age, its Just potentially a misjudgement from a grandparent of a specific kids. I think it's really hard to gauge age appropriateness for someone else's kid, and is often why grandparents/aunts uncles buy gifts that are too young/ old etc or watch odd films because they assume anything u/pg is appropriate. I don't think it's wild that they assumed it was ok if she met the height criteria.

Did they know you considered it too big for her before they took her on it?

Kids change their minds, and adults. I have been on rides that look ok and then realised it really wasn't and anyone looking at me would see I sat the whole time with my eyes squeezed shut 😂

Maybe they offered it to them as they went past, maybe your toddler asked to go on it and as they were the right height for it they thought why not, especially if their older siblings was still going on rides and having fun.
I wouldn't be making a fuss over it now, you won't know exactly what happened (especially if toddler is non verbal, and maybe the in laws should learn cues better - maybe they pointed at the ride and then nodded when asked if they wanted to go on it).

Sorry but the overly dramatic controlling person seems to be you OP. You clearly dislike your in laws intensely. Given you don't appear to like your husband any better, I wouldn't expect this to end well.

You went to a theme park and they took your child on a ride? That's the very nature of the places. There is no way they could possibly have known of this bizarre boundary in your head.

Yabu.

For how you talk about your inlaws, why did you leave your daughter with them?! Doesn't take two of you to queue for a ride with your son!

Also, the way you talk about your husband is vile..."wet lettuce?"

Would be very interesting to hear exactly why you are the "black sheep" and why you offer such insight into your husband's childhood and family relationships, and others point of view on this... Maybe he has a different take to you on all this and as your kids father,is happy to facilitate a relationship with his parents and children ??

where were they sitting on the ship? I have been with several of my nieces and nephews on pirate ships of similar ages and had no issue. It is not an inherently scary ride so how would your family have known how it would affect your daughter before she was on it.

I have also been at children’s parties where they have been terrified of someone dressed up as Minnie Mouse. You just can’t predict these things.