Help me see clearly with in laws - taking my daughter on a scary ride without our permission

[InLawDramaAgain]

Due to issues with my inlaws in the past - especially MIL not respecting boundaries and using lots of emotional blackmail I can't see clearly with them.

Me, DH and our 2 children went to Gulliver's World with MIL, BIL and his wife. MIL, BIL and his wife said they would take my 33 month old to the play area bit while me and DH waited in line with our elder son for a ride. The ride was having technical issues so after 15 minutes we went to find them. BIL and his wife had taken our 33 month of DD on the pirate ship ride. While MIL was watching. They did not ask us if this was okay. She just meet the minimum height requirements as she is tall for her age. Every time DD looked at the ride she pulled a terrified look on her face and shaking her head. I was both annoyed and shocked at the time and busy conforting my daughter and did not want to cause a scene at the park and DH never confronted them about this.

They are very enmeshed and from susan forwards toxic inlaws are the engulfers, the controllers and the critics. I am the black sheep. They have negatively effect my mental health. DH is still in the FOG and been conditioned his entire childhood not to roak any boats with his family - its been a long road to set up boundaries with them and when I bring up new issues he just accusses me of causing drama.

1. AIBU to be annoyed by this - taking her on a ride she wasn't ready for without consulting us. And my wet lettuce of a husband not wanting to confront them.
2. AIBU to also send a messge to MIL and BIL addressing this issue
3. AIBU to say no unsupervised access to our children from them - I must be there as DH is too much of a wet lettuce to advocate for them

Yabu!

Your daughter is 2 years 9 months! Closer to 3 if we are being picky.

Your nearly 3 year old went on an age appropriate ride at a theme park for young children?

It's a swing, not a rollercoaster. You are just picking a fight.

Chill out OP it's just a kids ride.

Ooh another "my child went on an age and height appropriate activity at a park and now I hate the family member who initiated it" thread.

armchair psych speak made this hard to understand . The jist is that you just don’t get on. You went to an amusement park and got the shits becasue pils took your dc on a ride…. To amuse her. Hmmm.

I knew how this was going to go when I read “33 month old”

YABU and sound like a nightmare.

Did your daughter actually go on the ride? Were they in the queue, and your daughter was shaking her head telling your BIL/SIL that she didn't want to go on the ride? Did they make her go on a ride, that she didn't want to go on? Do you believe they'd have been unkind enough to force your daughter onto a ride, she didn't want to go on? All of this is relevant. There is a big difference between your daughter being taken to queue for a ride that she met the height requirement for and conveying to her Aunt/Uncle she didn't want to go on the ride to being forced to go on a ride she didn't want to go on. If you're saying your BIL/SIL would have forced your daughter onto the ride or did, then they should never have unsupervised access to your children again. If she didn't go on the ride and your BIL/SIL wouldn't have forced the issue, then you're overreacting, because you don't like your husband's family. If your husband is unwilling to advocate for your children, then yes, you need to do this, but only if there is an actual issue. Why did your BIL/SIL need your permission to take your child onto a ride? You either trust their judgement or you don't. If you don't, then next time keep both children with you.

Lost me at this too. My 47 month old starts school next month btw

You sound exhausting. Family day out, everyone helping with young children, and all ended well. You would cut the helpful grandparents off for that?! Bloody hell god help you when something serious happens.

As someone up thread so eloquently put - unclench.

All parents make mistakes! We took DS to Florida, when he was 4. First day in the Magic Kingdom, we took him on a ride (a simulator), we had never heard of. He was so frightened, he didn’t speak for half an hour!

Was he scarred for life? No, he went back to Orlando with a friend, when he was 20 and they went on every terrifying rollercoaster there!

DH can’t go on the teacups. Even as an adult, it makes him feel sick!

Nobody can tell in advance, who will like or not like what ride!

Maybe spend less time reading cod psychology. You might get the world in better perspective.

Sorry, I couldn't get past the psychobabble about your in-laws being "engulfers, controllers and critics". Stop labelling people!

From what I can see, you left your dc in the care of your in-laws and they took her on a perfectly age appropriate ride.

It sounds like you just don't like them.

I let me dd go on a very small roller coaster that she wad tall enough to go on herself. Set off with a big grin and a wave. Then I had to watch her crying as this thing did about six fucking laps. She got off, had a cry, we carried on with our day. Which I think is what you should have done. Gilulliver's World is designed for small children she just happened not to like a ride.

"They are very enmeshed and from susan forwards toxic inlaws are the engulfers, the controllers and the critics. I am the black sheep. They have negatively effect my mental health. DH is still in the FOG and been conditioned his entire childhood not to roak any boats with his family - its been a long road to set up boundaries with them and when I bring up new issues he just accusses me of causing drama."

What a load of drivel.

I actually feel sorry for your husband.

You are awful about his family, and clearly have a hatred for them (yet are happy to use them to do things like look after your daughter on a day out)

He clearly wants to still have a relationship with his family and it must be hard for him to be accused of being a "wet lettuce" whenever he doesn't agree with you about something, and put up with you threatening to cut their contact.

You don't sound like an easy person yourself and I think you need to look at your own thoughts and actions instead of criticising everyone else's

Given you’d all gone together to a theme park, I don’t see why it’s such a big deal that your in laws took your child on a ride that she was big enough to be allowed to get on? If you’d effectively split up as a group for a short while, why would they come back and find you rather than just going on the ride if that’s what the child wanted to do?

such a non issue that you have blown well out of proportion and YABVU to keep calling your kid a 33 month old!

I don’t see an issue. The rides are designed for children and they would stop the ride for a child in distress. My youngest is a few months older and has loved a good pirate ship for ages now. I do remember taking her on a drop ride at Disney when she had just met the height requirement and she screamed so much the ride operator asked me did I want him to stop the ride- she didn’t want to go on it but my DH certainly wasn’t angry with me for trying!

And who is Susan?

33 month old 😂😂😂

Your nearly 3YO willing went on a ride at a kid’s theme park that she met the minimum height requirements for. Ok so she didn’t actually enjoy it but that happens sometimes. It isn’t a big deal. My DS went on the pirate ship at legoland when he was 3 and didn’t like it either. No one dwelled on it for more than 30 seconds. Your reaction is quite frankly insane.

They did nothing wrong, and you're just looking for yet another argument with them.

Susan Forward. Her book has provided a lot of the nonsense pop psychology terms the OP is using about her ILs.

Why say 33months? Is it to make your dc seam younger? 🤣

My dc loved the pirate ship at that age. Some rides they found a bit scary the first time they went on them but we either didn’t go on them again for a while or tried again reassuring them.

I hope when your daughter was looking at you shaking her head you were giving her a big smile and saying well done and cheering her on. She needs to know the pirate ship isn’t scary and is fun!