Help me see clearly with in laws - taking my daughter on a scary ride without our permission

[InLawDramaAgain]

Due to issues with my inlaws in the past - especially MIL not respecting boundaries and using lots of emotional blackmail I can't see clearly with them.

Me, DH and our 2 children went to Gulliver's World with MIL, BIL and his wife. MIL, BIL and his wife said they would take my 33 month old to the play area bit while me and DH waited in line with our elder son for a ride. The ride was having technical issues so after 15 minutes we went to find them. BIL and his wife had taken our 33 month of DD on the pirate ship ride. While MIL was watching. They did not ask us if this was okay. She just meet the minimum height requirements as she is tall for her age. Every time DD looked at the ride she pulled a terrified look on her face and shaking her head. I was both annoyed and shocked at the time and busy conforting my daughter and did not want to cause a scene at the park and DH never confronted them about this.

They are very enmeshed and from susan forwards toxic inlaws are the engulfers, the controllers and the critics. I am the black sheep. They have negatively effect my mental health. DH is still in the FOG and been conditioned his entire childhood not to roak any boats with his family - its been a long road to set up boundaries with them and when I bring up new issues he just accusses me of causing drama.

1. AIBU to be annoyed by this - taking her on a ride she wasn't ready for without consulting us. And my wet lettuce of a husband not wanting to confront them.
2. AIBU to also send a messge to MIL and BIL addressing this issue
3. AIBU to say no unsupervised access to our children from them - I must be there as DH is too much of a wet lettuce to advocate for them

On an almost serious note, as a 61 month old, I sat with my dad watching the first episodes of Dr Who. In season two, when I was around 73 months old there was an episode of with Zarbi in them. They scared the shit out of me. I had nighmares about the Zarbi. Watched every episode of Dr Who since then and still do!

Children need to experience a range of emotions, and they need to experience them for themselves in order to learn how to manage them. An "age appropriate" ride in a theme park might be a litle scary. Life is scary. We learn to manage that by experiencing things. Teaching a child that when they have an emotion they can't handle they can avoid or get wrapped in cotton wool isn't helping them, it is hindering them. It's ok for a child to be scared. It is also ok to help them and support them in managing that fear. But making them avoid things because of your own fears, or your fear of their emotions, isn't.

For those wondering, scary Zarbi below:

Be careful you don't project your anxieties onto your child. It's far better to stay cheerful and positive even if you feel a bit nervous yourself.

The ride was fine. Stop giving people stupid labels.

As a kid I loved the waltzer, the faster the better. I went on as an adult and felt so ill i had to go home to bed 🥴

I did exactly the same! I used to love them and would stay on for another go if possible.When I went on one as an adult, I came off and had to stagger to a bench and sit down. The world didn't stop spinning until hours later. Never again!

@Semiforthewin I myself am 717 months. When I put it like that I feel very ancient 😅

Because she had the audacity to dare to birth the OPs husband and want to be part of his and his children's lives.

More rage bait rubbish, where the OP never comes back.. almost convinced MNHQ has an AI Bot doing it

Scary ride at Gulliver's World 🤣🤣

It's a pirate ship, you probably caused her to feel more bothered with your ridiculous behaviour.

Threads like these make me wonder how some people actually survive life.

Just watched a video of this pirate ship in action, and personally I wouldn't go on it even if you offered me a whole chest-full of Spanish doubloons.

It looks very quease-inducing and might even give me a heart attack. In the video the children (most a lot older than three) are screaming, but still apparently enjoying themselves, although a few look a bit ill.

Different people will react to such experiences in different ways, and I have no reason to believe the OP is lying about her little daughter's unhappiness.

I'm sure there was no ill intention on the part of the in-laws, but I agree that the child was too young for this ride. Apart from anything else, a child not yet three would likely be confused by the screams of the other children, and could easily believe they were all actually in danger.

Here's the video:

Not a hill to die on. You dont like your in laws and should respect your time, space more… step back and leave DH to it with his family.

Well, this went well for you OP didn’t it? 🤣

In fact I remember now I went on twice as an adult. The second time (as a mother in my forties, I went on with my kids) was when I had to go to bed after and the first time as an adult I was in my early thirties and although I didn’t feel sick I got what felt like whiplash 🤦‍♀️. I have not gone on a fairground ride now for nearly twenty years and daren’t again 😬

Is it possible the gp’s thought it was just going to be a gentle little ride? I took my kids on this cable car thing once at a theme park but had no idea it was going to go up really high. I can’t remember what my kids thought because I was too busy being absolutely terrified myself. I would never have taken us on it if I’d known.

Edit: I see it’s not gp’s but bil and sil.

You lost me at 33 months. And who is Susan?

I asked the same. Some US quack pychobabble author.

Sorry, I know I shouldn't have, but I fell over laughing at the idea of you not realsing cable cars go high up...

Haha. I honestly thought it was just going to be a kid friendly ‘mini’ cable car ride (having never been on one). It was sooooo high 😭

33 months! God, I don’t know where to
look 🙈

We went to Gulivers Kingdom when DS was a young child. He was fine with the rides, and the cable cars, but he was terrified of the dinosaurs even though he had seen Jurassic Park 2 & 3 on video.

Oh my! Yes the Dinosaurs ! My ds was 4 at the time, apologies...i meant to say he was 48 months, you couldn't see him for dust when that t rex leant out of the bushes !! 🤣🤣 He had a terrific time that day. 🥰 Live a little OP.

I, at 692 and a half months old, think you are all being very childish about this.

🤣

i bow to your superior wisdom, oh venerable one.

😊

836 months and 3 days here!