Help me see clearly with in laws - taking my daughter on a scary ride without our permission

[InLawDramaAgain]

Due to issues with my inlaws in the past - especially MIL not respecting boundaries and using lots of emotional blackmail I can't see clearly with them.

Me, DH and our 2 children went to Gulliver's World with MIL, BIL and his wife. MIL, BIL and his wife said they would take my 33 month old to the play area bit while me and DH waited in line with our elder son for a ride. The ride was having technical issues so after 15 minutes we went to find them. BIL and his wife had taken our 33 month of DD on the pirate ship ride. While MIL was watching. They did not ask us if this was okay. She just meet the minimum height requirements as she is tall for her age. Every time DD looked at the ride she pulled a terrified look on her face and shaking her head. I was both annoyed and shocked at the time and busy conforting my daughter and did not want to cause a scene at the park and DH never confronted them about this.

They are very enmeshed and from susan forwards toxic inlaws are the engulfers, the controllers and the critics. I am the black sheep. They have negatively effect my mental health. DH is still in the FOG and been conditioned his entire childhood not to roak any boats with his family - its been a long road to set up boundaries with them and when I bring up new issues he just accusses me of causing drama.

1. AIBU to be annoyed by this - taking her on a ride she wasn't ready for without consulting us. And my wet lettuce of a husband not wanting to confront them.
2. AIBU to also send a messge to MIL and BIL addressing this issue
3. AIBU to say no unsupervised access to our children from them - I must be there as DH is too much of a wet lettuce to advocate for them

Mate. It’s gulliber’s land. Stop trying to look for trouble and drama when it’s not there.

Maybe your husband isn’t a “wet lettuce”. Maybe he just doesn’t agree with you on what is and isn’t a big deal. Your nearly 3 year old was taken on a ride at Gulliver’s World. I really wouldn’t expect a family member to ask my permission to take a child that age on a ride at a theme park (health issues aside).

Please don’t make such a big deal about the “scary ride” to your kid. You’ll put them off trying new things like this again.

Thanks to this post I just learned that I am about to be 500 months old. Feels like an excuse to celebrate! 🍾

The child met the height requirements otherwise the staff wouldn’t have allowed her on.
Let this go, it’s done……..now if they had taken her to get her ears pierced I could understand your angst. And before someone jumps on me……that actually happened years ago.

Honestly, all the talk of setting boundaries and emotional blackmail and having to comfort your child makes you sound like the one who is always causing drama. I bet your in-laws can’t do right for doing wrong, as the saying goes.

How would anyone know she wouldn’t like the ride without her going on it?

I think this is just part of going to theme parks with kids isn’t it? We just took ours to Disneyland, my 37-month-old () went on a lot of things, some of them she was keen to go on and then hated once she was on there 🤷‍♀️ Even my older daughter who is rollercoaster mad and went on all the big ones had one ride that she really didn’t like. No harm done, they got off and had a grumble and then we went on to something else.

Child goes on child’s’ ride scandal 🫣

You are quite a drama llama, aren't you!

You go looking for trouble at Gullivers World? You sound very hard work. Your dh gets my sympathy. Stop the amateur psychology and enjoy your life

when I bring up new issues he just accusses me of causing drama

On this occasion and perhaps others ..you are causing needless drama. Do you have control issues?

I'm not convinced the PIL need to ask you permission to take your DC on a ride at a theme park that you are all at.

By going there, you are tacitly agreeing that the DC is going to be going on the rides surely?

I think your PIL need to run for the hills. Probably your DH as well.

You seem determined to see them as being in the wrong.

If they were genuinely toxic, you wouldn't be having any contact with them so either they are not or you are failing to protect your DC.

33 months 🙄

You left her in their care, did you make any rules like they can't take her on a ride? If you didn't I think you are being unreasonable.

If they dragged her on crying/distressed then yes, I’d be very upset too. If she went willingly with them then I honestly wouldn’t have given this a second thought.

Unless your daughter said she didn't want to go on the ride and the in laws made her go anyway YABU. Be careful your daughter doesn't feed off your emotions, as you seem to have decided she wasn't ready for it and needed lots of comforting as soon as she got off. It's possible she was a bit scared (which is part of the fun of rides) but glad she tried it anyway. All that was really needed was to tell her she doesn't need to go on it again if she didn't like it.

Was this the icing on the cake after other instances that concerned you, and that's why you're considering not letting your ILs have unsupervised access?? Or is this an isolated incident?

Your child will not be traumatised by this.

33 months??? Just say almost 3. Your girl went on a chidren's ride, noting scary. You don't speak well of your husband - perhaps that's one reason why your in-laws don't like you. You're the one who comes across as being difficult.

Poor child, poor husband, poor in laws.

Oh give over! It’s not the full size one. A little mini toddler one

Gotta love those long school holidays 🙄.

I’m in stitches. I remember taking my son on Pirates of the Caribbean in Disneyland when he was 4.. he spent the entire ride with his head buried into my lap and intermittently screaming.

He’s nearly 11 now and laughs about it.

You are hard work, and you’re gonna raise a mini nightmare if you don’t get a hold of yourself.

I doubt grandparents wanted to go on a pirate ship at gullivers - they did it because they thought she’d like it

i dont like rides like this but I’m grateful other people take my kids to these places as they love it and make them braver than me

Yet another post from an entitled OP taking any excuse to have a go at their mother in law (yawn).

Speaking as a 527 month old I think you’re being ridiculous and you sound awful if that’s how you view people.

For goodness sake, give your head a shake. They took child on a ride, no harm done, move on.