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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel our weeekend away?

305 replies

Pungifries · 07/08/2025 23:49

BF of 1 year celebrated his 40th earlier. I pushed the boat out and booked a beautiful countryside lodge with hot tub. Could only book this coming weekend due to respective childcare and work commitments.

He has told me today that he’s struggling for money and would love to go but can’t spend any money. So the planned pub lunches and nice wine will either not happen or I have to fund…
However he was on a 5 day stag part abroad last week…..
to not drip feeding, he already owes me some money (agreed prior) for a trip we went on earlier in the year

he’s a lovely man and the relationship is good , but AIBU to cancel the trip and not pay for everything ?

I’ve said that we can cancel and use the money for a nice meal and wine instead ….

OP posts:
Doingmybest12 · 07/08/2025 23:52

I would cancel and plan something within your budget and also decide if this is a lifestyle you want

Poopeepoopee · 07/08/2025 23:53

I'd cancel the trip and him.

What makes you think you deserve nothing better than a broke boyfriend who owes you money?

Original poster
Pungifries · 07/08/2025 23:54

Thanks @Doingmybest12 Ive suggested we cancel and do this

and yes…now questioning if this is the right relationship for me long -term

OP posts:
Original poster
Pungifries · 07/08/2025 23:57

Yes @Poopeepoopee …what a good way to put it xx

OP posts:
Poopeepoopee · 08/08/2025 00:01

Pungifries · 07/08/2025 23:57

Yes @Poopeepoopee …what a good way to put it xx

Sorry if it sounded harsh - It wasn't meant to be harsh I'm just so fed up of women dating broke men who leech off them you see it here all the time. It also sounds as though he was saying "well, yeah, I'll go, but you're gonna have to pay for everything because I don't think you're worth spending my money on"

When was the last time he brought you a bunch of flowers?

Dorsetindeed · 08/08/2025 00:02

Will you get a full refund? If not go yourself or with a friend.
Without knowing how much of a ‘surprise’ the trip was I don’t want ti comment too much on him not affording the trip. At a beautiful lodge I theoretically wouldn’t mind if he cooked one meal in or got a takeaway or something and supplied wine/champagne etc but yes part of going away is trying new places to eat.

user1491934176 · 08/08/2025 00:03

Im on the fence, we don’t know about his financial situation, kids, etc. He has at least been honest with you so unless there is a reason why not to go for you money-wise, I’d go, enjoy it and expect the favour returned or look at your relationship. Once or twice is fine but a third is having a laugh. Have a good weekend! X

Photopic · 08/08/2025 00:04

I think if you booked the trip, you pay, unless you've discussed it anf agreed the budget beforehand.

I don't think he goes on a 5 day stag when he owes you money.

However, if you have different incomes and you like trips away, maybe you do need to subsidise him? Three trips in a year is quite a lot for "ordinary" incomes. Are you encouraging him to do more trips than he can afford?

I'm in a similar situation. DP always pays his share but the fact that I have more income than he does means either we restrict plans to within his means, or I pay. So far, we've done things cheaply or not at all, to stay within his budget because I'm not comfortable "supporting" him, but it has occurred to me that if a man were the higher earner, it would be considered most unreasonable of him not to contribute to DP's travel costs.

Original poster
Pungifries · 08/08/2025 00:05

@Poopeepoopee didn’t think it was harsh at all. Perfectly succinct!
flowers/ gifts were plentiful on the first months but have tailed off.

He’s genuinely one of the nicest men I’ve known. Kind, listens, cares and I trust him. But the money situation is really starting to taint things

OP posts:
Poopeepoopee · 08/08/2025 00:07

user1491934176 · 08/08/2025 00:03

Im on the fence, we don’t know about his financial situation, kids, etc. He has at least been honest with you so unless there is a reason why not to go for you money-wise, I’d go, enjoy it and expect the favour returned or look at your relationship. Once or twice is fine but a third is having a laugh. Have a good weekend! X

How can he be 40 and not have any money? I mean seriously, how? And you don't know that he is being honest - he could just be saying that to get the OP to pay for everything.

Nah, throw this one back - spend the money on yourself having a glow up and getting ready to go out and get a better class of boyfriend.

Photopic · 08/08/2025 00:08

Poopeepoopee · 08/08/2025 00:07

How can he be 40 and not have any money? I mean seriously, how? And you don't know that he is being honest - he could just be saying that to get the OP to pay for everything.

Nah, throw this one back - spend the money on yourself having a glow up and getting ready to go out and get a better class of boyfriend.

Show quote history

You can't see how a single man of 40, who likely has an ex wife and DC might struggle for cash?

Original poster
Pungifries · 08/08/2025 00:11

Thanks all for replies
I’ve paid for the lodge and would cover travel

yes would get all the money back

I would have been fine with a takeaway and a cooked meal and bottle of wine but he’s saying he can’t even that…I suppose I’m balking given the stag and I know he had a big meal out with his friends when they arrived back in the UK.

OP posts:
Workingmum2025 · 08/08/2025 00:12

Can you not get some food and wine at a supermarket and take with you? If it's a lodge there will be cooking facilities , Go on walks, or just ...Go yourself!! Will you be able to get a refund on the accommodation?

Original poster
Pungifries · 08/08/2025 00:13

I do earn quite a lot more than him.
BUT I’m a single mum and feel extras should go to my child, not subsidising my bf (does that sound harsh, don’t meant it to)

OP posts:
PerplexedConfusedBewildered · 08/08/2025 00:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 08/08/2025 00:14

Doingmybest12 · 07/08/2025 23:52

I would cancel and plan something within your budget and also decide if this is a lifestyle you want

This. Do you really want to be with a guy like this that borrows money off you? Major ick!

BernardButlersBra · 08/08/2025 00:15

Pungifries · 08/08/2025 00:13

I do earn quite a lot more than him.
BUT I’m a single mum and feel extras should go to my child, not subsidising my bf (does that sound harsh, don’t meant it to)

Not harsh at all. Totally fair!

He needs to be more of a grown up

Poopeepoopee · 08/08/2025 00:17

Pungifries · 08/08/2025 00:13

I do earn quite a lot more than him.
BUT I’m a single mum and feel extras should go to my child, not subsidising my bf (does that sound harsh, don’t meant it to)

Your right OP that money should go on your child. I hesitated asking if you had kids.

I think something about his recent behaviour, affording things with mates but not with you, owing you money etc etc, has set off red flags and thats why you're questioning this particular incident. You've had a nice time, why not quit while you're ahead and call it a day. No need to wait, you'll just end up seething with resentment in the end.

Original poster
Pungifries · 08/08/2025 00:19

Yes, he does have an ex-wife and 2 kids…

I’d be happy with staying in and just spending time together, but I would have to pay for the supermarket shop (or whatever we get in)
I suppose I feel disappointed that he’s been able to pay for a hol with his mates but not kept £100 back (or there abouts) for us

OP posts:
PerplexedConfusedBewildered · 08/08/2025 00:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 08/08/2025 00:22

He sees that you earn more than him. So he thinks its OK to spend on a five night stag do (whilst owing you money) and then do a big meal out with friends... and then expects you to fund a big birthday weekend, but sorry he can't even buy a reasonably priced dinner for two or offer to cook something nice for you as a thank you.

You are right to save your money for your child. Not him.

Radiatorsa · 08/08/2025 00:24

He is using you.
Of course he is nice to you.
He is using you.
Stop paying for a boyfriend.
Get your money back.

You deserve better.

ReadingTime · 08/08/2025 00:25

Yes I'd cancel the weekend too, or it will just annoy you that he has money to spend having fun with his friends but none for having fun with you.

Sgreenpy · 08/08/2025 00:26

I don't think he sees you as a priority.
I'd reevaluate the relationship tbh.

gavisconismyfriend · 08/08/2025 00:27

If he genuinely had no money for anything, fair enough. He does have money, he’s choosing to spend it on other things - even though he owes you money. Not on.