To cancel our weeekend away?

[Pungifries]

BF of 1 year celebrated his 40th earlier. I pushed the boat out and booked a beautiful countryside lodge with hot tub. Could only book this coming weekend due to respective childcare and work commitments.

He has told me today that he’s struggling for money and would love to go but can’t spend any money. So the planned pub lunches and nice wine will either not happen or I have to fund…
However he was on a 5 day stag part abroad last week…..
to not drip feeding, he already owes me some money (agreed prior) for a trip we went on earlier in the year

he’s a lovely man and the relationship is good , but AIBU to cancel the trip and not pay for everything ?

I’ve said that we can cancel and use the money for a nice meal and wine instead ….

And?

Hardly the same as husband and wife.

Absolutely no chance I'd be subsidising anyone other than my kid.
I had an ex, who gradually started taking advantage, and by the time I realised he was a complete user and a CF, I was 3 yrs into this strange relationship with a "wonderful" man.
My ex husband was not as bad, but also enjoyed carefree life with a wife that was earning and sorting out everything.
No way I would into another relationship like this. Enjoy being single only spending on myself and my child.
just think about it, is this what you are willing to do ling term without growing resentment?

It's also what was agreed between you.
It's not what was agreed between them

Well, thank goodness. Because the trouble with someone who is shit with money is that they rely on you to be "good" with it, especially if there is a little demon on your shoulders whispering that you earn more. And if you are generous and kind, the dynamics soon get set in stone. I've been there! It gets worse over time!

It can also be hard to talk this sort of thing through in any way that actually results in meaningful change. I got "I think you'll find you worry a lot more about money than I do" - like I was some kind of "breadhead, maaaaan" ... when I was struggling to make ends meet as a result of propping him up right, left and centre.

On the plus side, because my car broke down and I couldn't afford to fix it, I ended up cycling for years and became the fittest I've ever been! Now look back on those days rather wistfully as no amount of gym effort quite matches the year-round daily slog of an hour each way pedalling against strong headwinds on coastal hills 😂 So I have that to thank him for.

Good luck disentangling yourself, OP. It's really hard when someone has been fun to be with.