Page 12 | To cancel our weeekend away?

Pungifries · 2025-08-07T22:49:06+00:00

BF of 1 year celebrated his 40th earlier. I pushed the boat out and booked a beautiful countryside lodge with hot tub. Could only book this coming weekend due to respective childcare and work commitments. He has told me today that he’s struggling for money and would love to go but can’t spend any money. So the planned pub lunches and nice wine will either not happen or I have to fund… However he was on a 5 day stag part abroad last week….. to not drip feeding, he already owes me some money (agreed prior) for a trip we went on earlier in the year he’s a lovely man and the relationship is good , but AIBU to cancel the trip and not pay for everything ? I’ve said that we can cancel and use the money for a nice meal and wine instead ….

MinnieGirl · 09/08/2025 10:48

Have you actually been in this holiday you lent him the money to pay for? Because if not, I would look into cancelling it.

BySassyGreenPanda · 09/08/2025 10:52

Milliejacksonhouseforsale · 09/08/2025 07:38

I don't think op will see her money back as a lot of the time in these types of scenarios once the funs been had the impetus to repay the debt wanes.
Also all manner of reasons for being able to repay will happen.
Car needs fixing, birthdays, Xmas, unexpected bill blah blah.

I think you're right.

If she stays in the hopes of recouping at least some of it, it'll be hard to undo the piss take pattern that's been established. If she ends the relationship, she definitely won't get it back.

The only way he'll pay her back is of his own free will and we've seen already that's not going to happen. He doesn't care. There's no consequence to him not paying her back and he knows it.

OP why were you spending money like that on a blended family holiday with someone you've only been with for a year?

Original poster

Pungifries · 09/08/2025 10:55

@BySassyGreenPanda well, I realise this now. At the time he absolutely assured me that it would be paid back over the next couple of months and I believed him.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pungifries · 09/08/2025 10:56

@MinnieGirl yes, we’ve been on the hol

OP posts:

PhuckTrump · 09/08/2025 10:57

Pungifries · 09/08/2025 10:55

@BySassyGreenPanda well, I realise this now. At the time he absolutely assured me that it would be paid back over the next couple of months and I believed him.

When exactly was this holiday? How many months are we beyond the 4 month mark?

Original poster

Pungifries · 09/08/2025 10:58

To those asking about moving in together - no, we’ve both decided it’s not the right move for us as the moment - each of his and my kids have their own lovely double room in their respective houses and we couldn’t replicate that together

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Original poster

Pungifries · 09/08/2025 11:01

@PhuckTrump it’s over 4 months since we booked it yes.
holiday was a couple of months ago

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PhuckTrump · 09/08/2025 11:11

Pungifries · 09/08/2025 11:01

@PhuckTrump it’s over 4 months since we booked it yes.
holiday was a couple of months ago

When the stag do opening came up, did you gently mention, “You still owe me £2k for the holiday in February, and we agreed it would be paid in full by June”?

SitOnHisFaceIfHeDiesHeDies · 09/08/2025 11:12

"I'm happy to go but only if you pay for everything because I'm a stingy, cheeky, freeloading cunt with absolutely no self respect or shame whatsoever".

Fucking rank.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 09/08/2025 11:22

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 08/08/2025 21:32

I think he has no intention of repaying you.
There will always be another excuse i.e. Christmas is coming, needs money for presents for his children.

'we’ve decided to cancel and use the money (full refund) to go for a nice meal instead.'

er no, it is not a we decision, it's your money again and as always.

and actually he can't afford to sit there and eat / drink whilst you pay, yet again.

I would even postpone this meal until payday / after pay day, and this gives him the opportunity to start paying his debt.

I agree.

You've just rewarded him with a nice meal out,

Definitely postpone it until payday.. if not cancell it as well.

You are now the generous ever giving Mum in this relationship. His money goes towards his interests because you are there funding all the "boring stuff"

He screwed up your lovely, mutually agreed, weekend plans, But would happily have gone along if you had said as you usually would
"Don't worry, I will pay for the food, I understand why you can't, you can always pay me back."

He didn't give a damn about your weekend break, or what you wanted to do, or he would have sorted out his contribution. He is useless with money because he now views you as being there to bail him out.

He won't be contributing to the nice meal and he still hasn't paid you back for the last break ( Even if he said he'd pay back £30 a month or something... he's made no suggestion of how to do it.. Just the pathetic.. I can't afford it, but he could afford the stag do because he knew he could lean on you for sympathy and cash afterward.

He should be treating you to a meal out after letting you down over the break.
You've known him long enough now to see that this is the way he operates and it won't change because at 40... he's not going to.

Damnloginpopup · 09/08/2025 11:25

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 09/08/2025 11:22

I agree.

You've just rewarded him with a nice meal out,

Definitely postpone it until payday.. if not cancell it as well.

You are now the generous ever giving Mum in this relationship. His money goes towards his interests because you are there funding all the "boring stuff"

He screwed up your lovely, mutually agreed, weekend plans, But would happily have gone along if you had said as you usually would
"Don't worry, I will pay for the food, I understand why you can't, you can always pay me back."

He didn't give a damn about your weekend break, or what you wanted to do, or he would have sorted out his contribution. He is useless with money because he now views you as being there to bail him out.

He won't be contributing to the nice meal and he still hasn't paid you back for the last break ( Even if he said he'd pay back £30 a month or something... he's made no suggestion of how to do it.. Just the pathetic.. I can't afford it, but he could afford the stag do because he knew he could lean on you for sympathy and cash afterward.

He should be treating you to a meal out after letting you down over the break.
You've known him long enough now to see that this is the way he operates and it won't change because at 40... he's not going to.

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You noticed the bit about it being his birthday present yes?

BySassyGreenPanda · 09/08/2025 12:06

Pungifries · 09/08/2025 10:55

@BySassyGreenPanda well, I realise this now. At the time he absolutely assured me that it would be paid back over the next couple of months and I believed him.

Oh OP, I'm sorry this bloke has abused your kindness. Of course you believed him. If it was reversed, I'd say you would prioritise repaying him before anything else. ❤

People like this don't think like we do. It would never occur to decent people to do this, so it doesn't cross your mind that they would - until they do.

When someone his age hasn't got a pot to piss in it's because they've spent every single penny that has ever passed through their hands. This is his relationship with money. He doesn't worry about it and never will.

With hindsight, he had no business accepting and booking a holiday he couldn't afford. It was his choice to go into debt to pay for it. He opted for the easiest form of debt to renege on - your money.

It's not great but if he was going to borrow money, it should have been a credit card, overdraft or loan. Of course there's a consequence for not repaying that kind of debt.

There are little to no consequences to stealing from you, which is what he did.

TwistedWonder · 09/08/2025 12:21

Pungifries · 09/08/2025 10:09

Thanks everyone
I think I’ve been a bit naive generally
I’m going to speak to him tomorrow about a proper repayment plan for the money and a DD setting up. If he won’t do this, I have my answer and will just cut my losses

Sorry but yes you’ve been ridiculously naive OP and he’s taken advantage.

But why did you book a blended family holiday with a man you’d only known a few months and pay for his share upfront? What’s the rush? And how well did you know him to not only trust him to repay you (which he hadn’t) but to spend all of that time with your DC together? You barely knew him at the point you booked the holiday.

Think you need to take off your rose tinted specs with this one. He’s expecting you to write off his debt - and at the moment he’s seeing no consequences to his freeloading

crimsonlake · 09/08/2025 12:29

TBH there is no way I would have booked a weekend away for a boyfriend of 1 yr when he already owed you money from the previous holiday.

InterIgnis · 09/08/2025 14:21

Pungifries · 09/08/2025 10:09

Thanks everyone
I think I’ve been a bit naive generally
I’m going to speak to him tomorrow about a proper repayment plan for the money and a DD setting up. If he won’t do this, I have my answer and will just cut my losses

He won’t. Or he’ll agree but unfortunate circumstances (consistently and oh so conveniently) will arise and you’ll feel that insisting he sticks to it would be too mean. He’s doing a version of this now with the holiday, leaning into you with the emotional blackmail. He’s agreed to cancel because it’s good optics, but now he’ll tell you how sad he is about that, expecting you to feel bad and cave.

He’s playing you like a fiddle. He’s ‘nice’ and ‘lovely’ because why wouldn’t he be? He’s onto a good thing, and the last thing he’ll want to do it piss off his cash cow. He knows he has nothing else to offer, so he’ll be so very nice to you that saying ‘no’ to him makes you feel like a terrible person.

This is manipulation 101, and it’s not even sophisticated. You can do better. Hell, being single is infinitely superior to hosting a parasite.

InterIgnis · 09/08/2025 14:30

Horserider5678 · 09/08/2025 07:15

To throw it on its head what about women who leech off men? A good relationship is far more than money and materialistic things but on MN unless a man can fully support a woman to sit on her lardy a@@@ they’re a waste of space!

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What about them? Leeches are to be avoided, no matter their sex.

Financial compatibility plays a significant role in making a good relationship, alongside compatibility regarding lifestyle and values.

Who said anything about expecting a man to fully support a woman? What posters are expecting is for a man to pull his own financial weight, instead of looking for a woman to fund him.

IsThistheMiddleofNowhere · 09/08/2025 15:23

Hang on a minute. Its his 40th birthday present so surely if its a gift, he shouldnt be expected to pay? Maybe it wasnt clear what was included in the gift and what wasnt. The money he hasn't repaid yet is another issue which will hopefully be resolved and repaid. If not, then yes, i would see that as a red flag. I wouldn't dump someone for not paying towards their birthday gift if they are lovely in every other way.

BrendaSmall · 09/08/2025 15:58

ThisChirpyFox · 09/08/2025 08:53

Well that's great but the op not only paid for accomodation but she was still waiting on over £1000 plus the fact they discussed him contributing to the food/meals.

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So she’s not planning on treating him then on his birthday!!

TwistedWonder · 09/08/2025 16:16

BrendaSmall · 09/08/2025 15:58

So she’s not planning on treating him then on his birthday!!

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She’s said repeatedly she’s paying for the accommodation and travel and they’d agreed to both pay for meals out which he’s now saying he can’t afford - yet can afford meals out with his mates.

Each to their own but if someone was taking me away and paying for the lodge and travel, I wouldn’t let them pay for all the food and drink as well. She’s not his cashpoint

Cosyblankets · 09/08/2025 16:27

TwistedWonder · 09/08/2025 16:16

She’s said repeatedly she’s paying for the accommodation and travel and they’d agreed to both pay for meals out which he’s now saying he can’t afford - yet can afford meals out with his mates.

Each to their own but if someone was taking me away and paying for the lodge and travel, I wouldn’t let them pay for all the food and drink as well. She’s not his cashpoint

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We take each other away for birthdays and we pay for travel and accommodation for the other one's birthday but we take our own spends for meals etc. Her paying for the accommodation and travel is plenty

Ladybyrd · 09/08/2025 16:34

I’d break up with him if it were me. Anyone who go goes on a 5 day stag do then claims to be skint enough to scrounge off you for a weekend when you’ve already paid for the trip is an absolute waste of space.

InterIgnis · 09/08/2025 16:49

IsThistheMiddleofNowhere · 09/08/2025 15:23

Hang on a minute. Its his 40th birthday present so surely if its a gift, he shouldnt be expected to pay? Maybe it wasnt clear what was included in the gift and what wasnt. The money he hasn't repaid yet is another issue which will hopefully be resolved and repaid. If not, then yes, i would see that as a red flag. I wouldn't dump someone for not paying towards their birthday gift if they are lovely in every other way.

She was funding travel and accommodation, which is very much a gift. Why wouldn’t he expect to provide his own spending money, and contribute towards food?

The unpaid debt is very relevant as it forms part of the wider picture. As does his pushing for this as a gift at all, and the fact he needed to tell her how sad he now is at it being cancelled. A lovely man wouldn’t consider it reasonable to put this financial burden on his partner, or attempt to make her feel bad for saying no to funding it all. Especially not when he’s already failed to prioritize paying back his debt to her, yet it happy to spend money on a five day stag do. He’s superficially lovely because it benefits him to be so.

RelaxedOddish · 09/08/2025 17:09

IsThistheMiddleofNowhere · 09/08/2025 15:23

Hang on a minute. Its his 40th birthday present so surely if its a gift, he shouldnt be expected to pay? Maybe it wasnt clear what was included in the gift and what wasnt. The money he hasn't repaid yet is another issue which will hopefully be resolved and repaid. If not, then yes, i would see that as a red flag. I wouldn't dump someone for not paying towards their birthday gift if they are lovely in every other way.

You're missing that he owes op over £1000! If he didn't owe her that, she would have been happy to cover most of it, but because he still owes her money and choose to spend all his money on a stag do so he has no money to even pay for a round, she's reluctant to spend on everything for his bday.

BrendaSmall · 09/08/2025 17:14

TwistedWonder · 09/08/2025 16:16

She’s said repeatedly she’s paying for the accommodation and travel and they’d agreed to both pay for meals out which he’s now saying he can’t afford - yet can afford meals out with his mates.

Each to their own but if someone was taking me away and paying for the lodge and travel, I wouldn’t let them pay for all the food and drink as well. She’s not his cashpoint

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I’m being taken on a safari in Africa for my birthday and my husband won’t let me pay for anything for the whole trip, as he’s already said, it’s his treat!

Ladybyrd · 09/08/2025 17:21

OP, I could have saved myself years of nonsense if I stopped making excuses for exes like your boyfriend. He owes you £1,000 already. You shouldn’t have booked another trip.

If he could afford to go off on a 5 day stag party, he could have used that money to pay you back instead. He just didn’t want to.

You want to go to nice places and do nice things. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that - most of us do. He would find the money if his priority was doing those things with you. As it stands, you’re dating a giant, irresponsible manchild. It doesn’t matter what you try to do to compensate, you can’t fix his lack of lack of effort from your side.

Chuck his sorry arse. There ARE plenty more fish in the sea. Stop accepting and making excuses for someone who is treating you poorly and start looking for someone with the same priorities, tastes, and level of financial responsibility and stability. The latter isn’t something you should overlook. At 40 he should be able to support himself and not drop hints for repeated bail outs from his girlfriend. You deserve better.