On holiday and I don’t know if I’m unreasonable!

[SunnyBlueSeal]

I’m really hoping for some perspective here. We are currently in Spain with my friends for a holiday. It’s us ( myself, DH and DC 14,16 ) and my friends ( Kate, Neil, DC 14,17) obviously names are changed. Kate was my friend for a few years through the activities. They invited us for a holiday with them. We booked two different villas about 5min walk from each other and right on the beach. Since we got here, Kate and my DH are spending more and more time together. This is our full third day here, and so far today, they met running at 7am and booked a spontaneous paddle boarding for themselves at 10am. We were all on the beach later and went for a lunch. I went back to the villa to get some plasters and they both turned up. My DH said he is changing his top as he and Kate will walk to the town to get a few bits. All of the DC are spending their time on the beach learning windsurfing with the local club so I don’t need DH to help with childcare. Kate’s husband Neil has a work project to do so he spends about 5 hours a day working in their villa. I’m starting to feel like a 3rd wheel to my friend and my DH. I’m getting grumpy when I’m around them and I don’t want to push him away but I don’t know how to get out of this mood. And another thing which got me thinking is at the dinner, Kate asked for a sparkling water and my DH said he wants some too. He never drank fucking sparkling water but when I pulled him on it, he said it’s because I only drink a still water so he did too. So for years you were drinking still water because of me? Have a sparkling water if you want! Something is feeling odd and I can’t put my finger on it

yeah, they are shagging

They probably aren’t shagging as they’re being too obvious.

But, they are getting closer and you need to watch out.

At best, this is very inconsiderate of both of them.

I would be concerned they are having an affair! I would be asking more questions than this!

I would jokingly tell your DH that i feel like a spare wheel with them 2 and ask if they need private time. And watch his reaction.

How well did they know each other before the holiday?

Ooh no, this is not cool OP. Did they know each other before?

Do you enjoy doing active things like running and paddleboarding? Would you complain about having to go to the shops? Because they're the only viable reasons I could understand for it.

I don't know how you haven't said something to him already. It doesn't have to be dramatic, just a bit of a "I'm actually here and would like to spend time with you" thing.

Start inserting yourself into their activities. Tell your DH you want one-on-one time with him. The water gives you your answer. Your DH wants an affair.

Why cant you say you'll go with them?

I’m curious what your marriage is like more generally. Do you have any other reasons to think there might be something going on?

I am leaning however towards agreeing with the pp who said the behaviours is too obvious to be an affair.

They are being inappropriate, what was their relationship like over the years, such a cliche situation OP, I'm hoping we're all wrong about this being an affair but if it isn't one already it's heading that way

The thing you can't put your finger on is that your H is choosing to spend his time on holiday with your friend rather than with you, and unless there's a very good justification for it such as you refuse to run, windsurf or go into town with him, it's not what you would expect to be the case. Kate is clearly at a loose end with her H working and your H has stepped into the gap. I think you need an honest conversation with him where you point out that the time they are spending together is leaving you alone and that isn't enjoyable for you. You don't need to be imply there's anything untoward (if you do it will be thrown back at you as jealous and unreasonable and the conversation will be about how ridiculous you are not to trust them, I guarantee!) Just focus on how what is happening affects you and what you want to be different.

That's rubbish of your DH to prioritise somebody's elses wife over his own! A conversation is needed between you and him.

Make plans with your husband instead. Go for lunch together since your kids can look after themselves - use the time to reconnect with him instead of watching him go off with her. And I don’t mean do a “pick me” dance - just stop being passive.

Why aren't you inviting yourself along on their trips out?

Why didn't you go running/paddle boarding?

Classic MN thread though. Man enjoys holiday activities with friend he's on holiday with = nailed on affair.

I'd be put out that I wasn't asked if I wanted to do paddleboarding but why didn't you go for the walk into town with them?

If running, paddleboarding , walking into town are things you want to do then he is very unreasonable to not include you in these plans. If you don't want to do them, then he is making the most of having someone there that wants to do the things he wants to do.

HOW CAN YOU NOT PUT YOUR FINGER ON IT? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FINGER?

Tell him calmly and gently how you feel.

This made me laugh aloud.

Hmm tricky. Did they seem surprised when you were at the villa when they turned up? Did they know you would be there?

This is what I was wondering. Sounded to me like they'd popped in for some alone time and OPs H had to come up with a random excuse on the fly!

Um, well! Your husband really likes Kate, doesn’t he!

Yep OP, your DH wants into Kate's knickers and she seems to like it. We all know when a bloke is on heat, or when we're likely pissing on his wife, so she's equally culpable. They'd obviously popped back to the villa for a shag, or at least a grope. Dirty fuckers. I'd ask him if he'd like you to go home so he can enjoy the rest of the holiday with Kate - and mean it.