On holiday and I don’t know if I’m unreasonable!

[SunnyBlueSeal]

I’m really hoping for some perspective here. We are currently in Spain with my friends for a holiday. It’s us ( myself, DH and DC 14,16 ) and my friends ( Kate, Neil, DC 14,17) obviously names are changed. Kate was my friend for a few years through the activities. They invited us for a holiday with them. We booked two different villas about 5min walk from each other and right on the beach. Since we got here, Kate and my DH are spending more and more time together. This is our full third day here, and so far today, they met running at 7am and booked a spontaneous paddle boarding for themselves at 10am. We were all on the beach later and went for a lunch. I went back to the villa to get some plasters and they both turned up. My DH said he is changing his top as he and Kate will walk to the town to get a few bits. All of the DC are spending their time on the beach learning windsurfing with the local club so I don’t need DH to help with childcare. Kate’s husband Neil has a work project to do so he spends about 5 hours a day working in their villa. I’m starting to feel like a 3rd wheel to my friend and my DH. I’m getting grumpy when I’m around them and I don’t want to push him away but I don’t know how to get out of this mood. And another thing which got me thinking is at the dinner, Kate asked for a sparkling water and my DH said he wants some too. He never drank fucking sparkling water but when I pulled him on it, he said it’s because I only drink a still water so he did too. So for years you were drinking still water because of me? Have a sparkling water if you want! Something is feeling odd and I can’t put my finger on it

I don't think it's an affair as yet but sounds like there is something there, trust your gut. Nip it in the bud now and tell him you feel left out and want to spend time with him.

Why are you being so passive? You have a feeling something is up, so when they came back to the Villa and DH was changing his top to go into town to get bits, did you not say then I’ll come too? So basically you’ve been alone a
lot of the time in the day, on hols so far?? Has this woman not invited you to paddle boarding or any activity, just you pair, the two women? You feel she’s leaving u out on purpose?

Er, yes it's weird???

Kate's DH has basically checked out, work project lol 😂

Why didn’t you tell Kate to stay behind so you can spend some time with your DH?

You need to be assertive here and stamp all over this. I would be fewmin.

Could you not have gone for the walk too?

Are you sat back letting them organize stuff and not getting involved? Maybe plan tomorrow as a family.

Trust your instinct.

But tell your hubby that you would like to do something on your own with him (lunch / walk whatever you want).

Don't be the stroppy one - push Kate out. Her husband wants to work, she can hang out on her own & not be stealing other people husband for company. Who, as a family, one is working and one goes off with someone else husband with activities and leaves their kids in someone else company. CF in my eyes - the other family are taking advantage.

Your husband is into Kate and she's encouraging it. I wouldn't go away with my friend's DH without asking friend to join. If we both liked running I would maybe go for a run with him but that would be it. I would find it very inconsiderate to go away half of the day witj him leaving friend alone.

As for the DH it's even worse, he's a twat. Tell him straight out that it's bloody obvious he's lusting after Kate and he should have the decency to divorce you first before running after you friend.

Why are you letting Kate monopolise your dh?

As someone above, start getting involved. Don’t let them just be the two of them . If they want to do an activity you dislike, just say you’re want to learn, or will watch etc.

Also, do something just you and dh, even hfs it coffee, watching the kids etc

Stop being the nice girl, and, if you have to, be a nuisance.

To put it frankly, your marriage is worth more than the friendship. Although if Dh doesn’t rein it back, I’d be having second thoughts…

You're being too passive here. When they said they were going to the shop for a few bits, you should have said 'good idea, hang on, let me get my bag' and then GO WITH THEM.

Tell dh you expect to be included in the activities and outings from now on, and that you two also need to do some stuff as a couple. Make it clear you didn’t come on holiday to spend every day on your own! Stop letting them sideline you!

or hoping to, very emotional affair etc

WTAF. Why are you not talking about what you are doing with your days before the day actually starts? Hey, DH, what shall we do tomorrow? I was fancying a coffee at X place then a walk to look at Y and then maybe lunch at Z. What do you think? Oh, you want to go for a run with Kate first? I hate running. You do that, then we'll meet for coffee after you've had a shower. Let's make the most of having a holiday where we don't parent 100% of the time and actually spend some time together.

Yes keep DH busy! Book an excursion out for the day, dinner together, chirp up that you’ll come too when he next has plans with your friend. See how it goes. If he excuses himself and ends up with your friend I would be direct.

Crying with laughter. Yes, this.

This is up there with one of the best replies to a thread ever.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

its like Coldplay again

I just had a text from my DH saying if I’m going back to the beach and another one from Kate asking if I’m coming to the beach. For anyone wondering if my friend and DH knew each other? Yes we have met a few times for a dinner with her and her DH. Nothing weird going on there before.
They knew I was at the villa when he came to change the top.
I don’t enjoy running at 7am but neither does he, until now! It’s like he is a different person around her and I get a different person at home.

Your instincts that something isn’t right, will be right

tell do you and him are spending time together the next day, if he books in something with Kate you clearly say your coming too. And tell dh hes being weird spending so much time with Kate… no more it ends now

You are not the nanny. Suggest your friend has a day with the children while you do something with your husband. Also make the point you expect him to spend time with his children. I would be very unhappy with their behaviour

So Kate's husband is working but you are the one who has been left on your own? That's really rude of your DH. You either do things that the three of you enjoy or your DH does things with you.

He is either just really insensitive and clueless, or he is attracted to Kate and deliberately arranging activities with her and leaving you out. Either way, what he is doing is unfair and unacceptable.

This, are they refusing to let you join them in these activities? Is your idea/plan for the holiday to relax and not do any activities?

Go to the beach then go for a family dinner without the other family.

it’s got to suck for Kate being away with a DH that’s working for hours every day but that’s her problem not yours

How unbelievable OP.
How have you not asked your husband WTF is going on?

Not normal at all.

That bloody Kate'll have taken it!

What childcare would have been needed with a 14 and 16 year old?!