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AIBU?

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Original poster

On holiday and I don’t know if I’m unreasonable!

642 replies

SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 15:01

I’m really hoping for some perspective here. We are currently in Spain with my friends for a holiday. It’s us ( myself, DH and DC 14,16 ) and my friends ( Kate, Neil, DC 14,17) obviously names are changed. Kate was my friend for a few years through the activities. They invited us for a holiday with them. We booked two different villas about 5min walk from each other and right on the beach. Since we got here, Kate and my DH are spending more and more time together. This is our full third day here, and so far today, they met running at 7am and booked a spontaneous paddle boarding for themselves at 10am. We were all on the beach later and went for a lunch. I went back to the villa to get some plasters and they both turned up. My DH said he is changing his top as he and Kate will walk to the town to get a few bits. All of the DC are spending their time on the beach learning windsurfing with the local club so I don’t need DH to help with childcare. Kate’s husband Neil has a work project to do so he spends about 5 hours a day working in their villa. I’m starting to feel like a 3rd wheel to my friend and my DH. I’m getting grumpy when I’m around them and I don’t want to push him away but I don’t know how to get out of this mood. And another thing which got me thinking is at the dinner, Kate asked for a sparkling water and my DH said he wants some too. He never drank fucking sparkling water but when I pulled him on it, he said it’s because I only drink a still water so he did too. So for years you were drinking still water because of me? Have a sparkling water if you want! Something is feeling odd and I can’t put my finger on it

OP posts:
Nomdejeur · 07/08/2025 16:01

Even If he’s not having an affair, at minimum he’s rude as fuck. Leaving you alone all the time? You need to have a word and remind him who he’s on holiday with, not that you should have to.

Liliwen · 07/08/2025 16:01

Did they just inform you they were going paddle boarding and not you? I would just go along to all their scheduled events to make a point.

CatchTheWind1920 · 07/08/2025 16:04

I think it's perfectly fine for men and women to be friends but something doesn't sound right here. Very bizarre it's all right in front of your face too.

VintageDiamondGirl · 07/08/2025 16:04

‘I went back to the villa to get some plasters and they both turned up. My DH said he is changing his top.’

That’s strange and suspicious. Sorry, OP.

Mooflon12 · 07/08/2025 16:04

I need SO much more info here.

What have you been doing all day while they do their weird twosome activities? Why havent you gone too? How do they organise these private excursions? What do all of you talk about in the evenings etc? GIVE US MORE

coxesorangepippin · 07/08/2025 16:04

Fewmin

😂

I'd be fewmin too

coxesorangepippin · 07/08/2025 16:05

Plasters??

Why did you need plasters

Clearly not cos of an injured finger

NightPuffins · 07/08/2025 16:05

When they arranged to run in the morning did they invite you and Neil? When they came back, having booked the spontaneous paddle boarding did you say anything like “why didn’t you book it for the rest of us too?”
They are behaving like a pair of teenagers with a new crush. If I were you I’d insist on spending the next few days of the holiday as just a family unit!

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/08/2025 16:06

Mmm, sounds like he is showing off in front of Kate, wants to impress her and have her think they have things in common.

He may not be fully aware he's doing it - but I'd start drawing attention to it..

'Im going for a run with Kate ...'

'Oh thats funny, you've never liked running before, I'll join you...'

'I'll have the escargot same as Kate...'

'How strange, you've always said the very idea makes you gip and it's like eating garlic rubber bands...'

Etc etc. Be sure to do it in a happy, jovial tone at all times!

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 07/08/2025 16:06

Your gut is screaming at you OP, listen to it. I would be very open with my husband, I'd tell him exactly what you've said here that you feel like a 3rd wheel. He needs to be called out on his behaviour.

BadActingParsley · 07/08/2025 16:07

I'd be gently taking the piss if it was my DH...

AtomicBlondeRose · 07/08/2025 16:07

The water thing would get me thinking because it’s really setting up a “I’ve compromised myself for her all through this marriage” type dynamic. I know that seems OTT but once that sort of idea gets into someone’s head, they start finding ways of proving it to themselves. Watch out for that.

Swirlythingy2025 · 07/08/2025 16:09

CatchTheWind1920 · 07/08/2025 16:04

I think it's perfectly fine for men and women to be friends but something doesn't sound right here. Very bizarre it's all right in front of your face too.

but if it is just friends then how else are they ment to do the friendship ? unless its only activities that all can be a part of ?

5128gap · 07/08/2025 16:09

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 07/08/2025 16:01

That bloody Kate'll have taken it!

What childcare would have been needed with a 14 and 16 year old?!

Show quote history

If I was OP I'd have given it to her. And to the H as I swanned off on the back of the windsurfing instructors moped to 'see the sights'.

LakieLady · 07/08/2025 16:09

WitchesofPainswick · 07/08/2025 15:19

HOW CAN YOU NOT PUT YOUR FINGER ON IT? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FINGER?

Genuinely lol'd at this!

Drivingthevengabus · 07/08/2025 16:10

Is it odd they've both texted you? Do they sense you are irritated?

Mama05070704 · 07/08/2025 16:11

Boomer55 · 07/08/2025 15:05

They probably aren’t shagging as they’re being too obvious.

But, they are getting closer and you need to watch out.

I thought this about my husband and best friend…yep, turns out they were in fact shagging.

travelallthetime · 07/08/2025 16:12

BadActingParsley · 07/08/2025 16:07

I'd be gently taking the piss if it was my DH...

Same. A sarcarstic 'oh I will just stay here....by myself....again' comment would have been made when they informed you that they were going to a walk to the shops.
Another sarcastic comment about being left with the kids AGAIN (or alone, whatever) when they went paddleboarding....
I would probably say something to be honest. Not in an 'are you having an affair way' but certainly a 'hey, why are you spending all your time with Kate and not me' way!

IamGrout · 07/08/2025 16:14

SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 15:56

I just had a text from my DH saying if I’m going back to the beach and another one from Kate asking if I’m coming to the beach. For anyone wondering if my friend and DH knew each other? Yes we have met a few times for a dinner with her and her DH. Nothing weird going on there before.
They knew I was at the villa when he came to change the top.
I don’t enjoy running at 7am but neither does he, until now! It’s like he is a different person around her and I get a different person at home.

You sound annoyed that he is doing things he normally doesn't do, and are cross with Kate for this. And your DH sounds like he is led by other people and just goes along with things that sound good (eg usually drinks the drink you do, but then tries something else when others have different). Are you really thinking that something is going on or are you just a bit jealous that he is listening to and doing activities with Kate instead of you?

Sassybooklover · 07/08/2025 16:16

I'm guessing running and paddle boarding isn't your idea of fun (in fairness it wouldn't be mine either!)? If that's the case, I assume that's why you weren't invited? You need to make plans with your husband. Personally, I think it's a bit off for Neil to be working whilst on holiday, and leaving his wife alone. If the idea of you and your husband coming on this holiday, was so Kate wouldn't be on her own, then there needs to be activities planned, that all three of you will enjoy. You need to start being more assertive.

YetanotherNC25 · 07/08/2025 16:17

You need to say something to your DH. Or he won’t be a DH for much longer. Something is going on and it’s not fair you’re being sidelined for another woman. Tell him this isn’t an enjoyable holiday for you as you’re being left on your own while he spends far too much time alone with her. See what his reaction is and it’ll tell you whether he was only planning something or if it’s already happened.
And Kate needs to sort her husband out, so he actually participates in a family holiday instead of working. That’s not for you but it’s created this whole dynamic. She’s probably loving the attention if her husband leaves her on her own to work when they’re meant to be on a family holiday. But at least you know why you’ve been invited now, don’t go again.
If you’re still married next year that is. Nip this in the bud now.

autienotnaughty · 07/08/2025 16:19

I wouldn’t like this. I think I’d say “are you aware your making plans with my friend and not including me? “ and see his reaction. It could be he’s enjoying the attention and not realised he is taking it too far or he could be attracted to her and everything in between.
But if you make him aware and he continues That’s extremely disrespectful to you

materialgworl · 07/08/2025 16:19

This is an easy fix. Make plans with your husband instead of watching him “go where plans are”.

it might not be an affair, your friend needs a partner since hers is busy. Your husband is impressionable and needs reality check.

do something or don’t. it’s your holiday

Waterbortle · 07/08/2025 16:20

I think you need to have this conversation with him. Not making accusations, but this is how your behaviour is making me feel.

If it's all innocent and he cares about you, he'll be shocked that he's made you feel bad, and prioritise you and your feelings ahead of her.

I doubt they're having a physical affair yet, but I'd guess it's coming.

socks1107 · 07/08/2025 16:21

I would suggest a day just the two of you tmrw and see his reaction. Make him aware this behaviour isn’t acceptable at all