To be fuming over her cancelling hobby

[thatsalad]

There is a hobby I do that's hosted by someone who is away for the whole summer, so she put another regular in charge of hosting. We always get less people coming in the summer due to holidays, but we still crack on.

This person who is now in charge pushed for it to be paused in the summer due to low numbers, so she posted a poll in the group chat and literally every single person voted they don't want it to be paused, cue few weeks later and she informed us it's being paused until september.

Aibu to be fuming over her ignoring everyone's votes in the poll and making a unilateral decision? Aibu to ask her why she has done that or even messaging the actual host to complain about her behavior?

You all have voices.
She says ‘it’s cancelled’
One of you days ‘ don’t worry, I’ll do it!’

Fgs, get a grip. If yours is typical of the attitudes of the participants, I’m not at all surprised she bailed out.

What would have been reasonable, when she's already said the number of people attending was too low for the hassle of hosting, would be for everyone else to either actually turn up!

Or speak up and say "I don't mind hosting for 2 people and 15 no-shows, SummerHost, so I'll do it if you prefer."

If lots vote for "keep it going" but the ones voting aren't actually turning up, she's very reasonable to say sod it and cancel.

Someone could offer to host ...

Like you...

But you won't will you?

Because people like someone else to do that

The same people who probably all voted "stay open" over summer so that on the weeks they aren't busy then they can pop along but only one or twice.... leaving it so maybe 3 or 4 turn up each week (and never the same 3 or 4, expect Margaret who has nothing else to do)

@thatsalad You are not wrong to be annoyed that having put a poll up, she decided to suspended the meetings until September, regardless and yes, she should then have asked if someone else wanted to run it instead. So, as that is the question you asked, I agree with you.

But as others have said, whether or not she asked, there is absolutely no reason why you or one of the other members can't offer to do it yourselves, for the next few weeks? So I don't understand why you are so angry? 'A bit annoyed' is completely understandable but there is a solution?

She thinks differently to you and that's ok.

@thatsalad are you ok? I'm not being facetious, I'm genuinely wondering if there's something else going on here.

This is a massive overreaction to what amounts to a non-event. At most it's a little baffling and ever-so-slightly annoying that she would do a poll and ignore what people want. But that's all it is. If I was in the group, I'd probably have a little giggle that she'd bothered doing a poll and then just gotten on with my life. Summer has a few weeks left. That's it.

Perhaps the hobby is really important to you? Is it a lone social outlet that means a lot to you? If that's the case, and you CAN host then it might be worth setting aside your irritation with this one person and just hosting? Or even accepting that you'll be back to normal in a couple of weeks.

So have you or someone else offered to host?

I mean, shes not hosting for the summer though is she?

Yet apparently noone is...

Honestly it's because I find her really annoying and she is ruining this hobby for me anyway, so this is just the icing on the cake

Other people could host, but she cancelled the space. And she actually doesn't have to be there every week, because the hosts only job is the post a poll in the group chat every week.

The reason why I didn't say this before is that this thread was trending shortly after posting it, and this is very identifiable if anyone from the group were to read this, but at this point f it 😂

What a drip feed 😒

The reason it's a drip feed (other than not wanting to be revealing) is because the questions people were asking were irrelevant to my issue.

I know that for most people, the problem would be that the hobby was paused, so whether someone else can host is relevant because it fixes the problem, but that's not the case for me.

But it's all relevant

It's extremely relevant that "hosting" is apparently just creating a poll and doesn't require any physical presence or engagement.

Anyone could post the poll, rebook rhe space etc. WHY are you not doing that?

Not really, the annoying part is her polling everyone and then ignoring the poll

You're missing the point

It's extremely relevant

Because her having to actively attend the groups would make it more understandable for her to change her mind (which she is allowed to do) than her apparently having nothing to do but create a poll and not having to attend which means it doesn't matter whether it's 3 or 4 people turning up sporadically or not

You don't know the circumstances though.
She may be fully happy and willing to host but something has happened that means she can't - maybe her mother has died or her husband broken his legs or her child rushed to hospital with appendicitis or she's had a diagnosis of cancer or 101 other reasons.
Something might have happened that means she's unexpectedly had to cancel - even though she might really want to do it so she isn't deliberately ignoring the poll - she just can't do it now.
Unfortunately these things happen.

But you said that IS the case for you. Your title says "(AIBU) to be fuming over her cancelling hobby", not "... over her ignoring poll". You explain your precise grievance later on, but this is how you set out your stall.

That makes a little more sense. When someone annoys you that much, every little thing can seem massive.

If there's any chance, you should just rebook the space and host it yourself. As for her polling the group - unfortunately it's one of those things that you need to find a way to get over because there's nothing you can do about it, as irritating as it was for you.

Perhaps a word to the regular host that someone else should be put in charge going forward.

So actually you dislike her anyhow - she could have continued hosting and you would still have continued disliking her. Makes me wonder, regardless of anything else, if that is why she no longer wants to host - why should she be running around arranging things for people who don't like her? I am sure it isn't as well hidden as you think it is. It never is.

Sometimes getting other's opinions can still sway you or cement your initial opinion.
She may have preferred to cancel but also thought if she polls you all and you all want to continue she'll just grind her teeth and host it for the summer. Then, when the poll came in she realised she actually really, really didn't want to host.