To be fuming over her cancelling hobby

[thatsalad]

There is a hobby I do that's hosted by someone who is away for the whole summer, so she put another regular in charge of hosting. We always get less people coming in the summer due to holidays, but we still crack on.

This person who is now in charge pushed for it to be paused in the summer due to low numbers, so she posted a poll in the group chat and literally every single person voted they don't want it to be paused, cue few weeks later and she informed us it's being paused until september.

Aibu to be fuming over her ignoring everyone's votes in the poll and making a unilateral decision? Aibu to ask her why she has done that or even messaging the actual host to complain about her behavior?

It's really not ridiculous to suggest she should have asked someone else to host instead of just pausing it

What would be the purpose in doing that? Whether she plain doesn't want to run the hobby, or something has come up in her personal life that means she no longer can (perhaps since posting the poll), she is not going to change her mind because you point out that she ignored the poll. I'm sure she knows that she ignored it.

So what happens if you speak up? You look like you are hassling her in front of everyone else (particularly if there is a good reason that she doesn't want to share as to why she can't run the hobby).

The only constructive thing to do, as many other have said is to post something along the lines of "oh what a shame, it looks like there was a few of us that wanted to keep going through August. Can anyone else host it, or maybe we could just meet for a social event instead?"

If she’s hosting on her own property, she can cancel for any reason she likes regardless of whether or not she made a poll to see how people would feel about it.

Maybe she was pressured into it by the original organiser and never really wanted to host.

People are asking what the hobby is and whether you could host it because if she is genuinely the only person that can host because it makes a difference to how unreasonable you are being to be upset at her cancelling.

It was unreasonable of her to agree to host the activity over the summer, then to say she wasn’t going to do it any more.

It was strange of her to do a poll when she clearly planned to ignore the responses.

But the nature of the activity, and the feasibility of someone else hosting it, is very relevant. If it was horse riding, and she was the only one with a paddock to ride on, then it was unfair of her to break her hosting agreement, knowing the group would not function without her. If it was walking round the park together, then she could reasonably expect everyone else to continue even if she stopped.

OP is literally here asking if it's unreasonable TO ask.

If she’s hosting on her own property, she can cancel for any reason she likes regardless of whether or not she made a poll to see how people would feel about it.

Maybe she was pressured into it by the original organiser and never really wanted to host.

People are asking what the hobby is and whether you could host it because if she is genuinely the only person that can host because it makes a difference to how unreasonable you are being to be upset at her cancelling.

She should have asked someone else? Maybe she was waiting for volunteers - now's your chance! She probably assumes no one else wants to host, just like she doesn't.

I completely understand what you are saying, why you are annoyed and what you want to do.

I very strong feel you should leave the poor woman in peace

But CAN you host OP?

Because that does matter

If she's like a specialist Chicken Bone Carver and only her and the original host can do it then it's maybe more unreasonable than any of you could plan a walk around the local area for the Ladies Walk....

Although she's not unreasonable if she feels that her time is being wasted over the summer when only 3 or 4 people turn up each session, and different ones each week. As is what usually happens

It's not a legally binding contract

That's a great question, I suppose it was because even before the poll, she was clearly pushing to pause it for the summer, so she did thepoll hoping the poll will go her way. I really dislike people who do not just say things directly

I'd be annoyed, yes, and I'd assume that she was hoping the poll would go in one direction, but when it didn't she just ignored it. She could/should have phrased things differently to make it clear that she was weighing options but had decided that there wasn't enough interest this summer to make it worth her trouble. If possible, she could also have asked if anyone else would be able to host instead.

But she didn't do that. You can complain, but it won't do any good and may do some harm if it gives you a reputation of being difficult. The better option would be to offer to host yourself, if you can, or find some other way for the people who are interested to meet without the interim leader, since she's too busy (or as it's not worth her time). Failing that, just be annoyed and find something else to do for the next month. September will be here soon.

We understand. We just don't agree. It's fine for her to ignore the results of the poll because what she does is not up to the respondents.

Or somebody else could have offered if it was that important to you all. Oh and FWIW the results of a poll in a group chat are not legally binding and can be ignored.

But I was responding to you saying that it’s all about the poll and how annoying it is that no one on this thread understands that.

its ridiculous of you to be upset because she ignored the poll. It’s not unreasonable of you to want to stay connected with the group over the summer. Why don’t you just suggest that?

Why can’t you offer to host?

Did she make a commitment to the original host that she would do it? Does the original host know she's paused it? Are you all losing money over it? I think, realistically, it makes sense to pause things over Summer, but I do agree she was unreasonable and shouldn't have asked if she wasn't going to like the results and do what she wanted, anyway. If she's broken a commitment and/or you've lost money, I would maybe mention it to the main host, unless it was a loose agreement.

hang on, the reason you posted was to get advice about whether to speak up, but then when @OakAshRowan specifically answered that very question (at 18.20) saying 'No, you shouldn't say anything,' you responded to them saying

"The question was not whether it is ok for her to not host, it's about her posting a poll and then ignoring the results.
I feel like I'm speaking French with how people in here consistently misunderstanding what I'm saying😂"

So what are you asking, if you're criticising people for answering the question you say is the exact question you're asking?

Well she must have had a reason. Have you asked her?

She said it was because of the low numbers

@thatsalad

Just a thought maybe she posted the poll in the hope that someone would be "fuming" enough to ask why are you going against the poll so she can turn around and say
'thanks for bringing that up. You clearly want to go ahead with this over the summer. Thanks for volunteering.'

Because she knows full well that no-one else will volunteer and she has been lumbered with it in previous years.

Maybe she, like all the rest of you, didn't want to host it but felt she couldn't say "no" due to the whinging of the other members if no-one hosted it. It seems that she may have had a point.

I think it matters what it is. So say it's a yoga class and the teacher found another teacher to cover the holiday classes but then did this then you lose out on weeks of yoga and it's too late to find someone else to cover classes.
However she may have found it wasn't financially viable if too few wanted to take part.

Did everyone vote, or just everyone who voted said they wanted to carry on over summer

Maybe she didn't want to put pressure on anyone by asking them. Is there a reason why you, or no one else, has volunteered to host it?

She hasn't, she has only been part of the group for 6 months so this was the first time she is hosting for the summer

OK so she's only been in the group for 6 months and is able to host so surely any of you who want to continue over summer can say hey I'll host...