To be fuming over her cancelling hobby

[thatsalad]

There is a hobby I do that's hosted by someone who is away for the whole summer, so she put another regular in charge of hosting. We always get less people coming in the summer due to holidays, but we still crack on.

This person who is now in charge pushed for it to be paused in the summer due to low numbers, so she posted a poll in the group chat and literally every single person voted they don't want it to be paused, cue few weeks later and she informed us it's being paused until september.

Aibu to be fuming over her ignoring everyone's votes in the poll and making a unilateral decision? Aibu to ask her why she has done that or even messaging the actual host to complain about her behavior?

Is it the Batley Townswomens Guild then? Anyone with access to a field can host (you could water it if you need it to be muddier for the reenactments).

Yes, ask her why she's ignored the poll results but be prepared for her to come back with some kind of story that makes everyone sympathetic towards her - she's ill / divorcing/ has parents with care needs etc.

I am ND and I get it.
Its pointless when people do things like this and they should just own their own decisions.

That said, I accept that this kind of thinking is special to ND folk and now how others think. I can rationalise that if that is not how a person thinks (because they are NT) then it would be illogical for them to act in the way I want them to.
it still annoys me, but a little less than it would otherwise and I can kind of feel sorry for them that they don’t have the superior thinking us ND folk do 😉

I suspect OP is a member of Flogging a Dead Horse club and is hoping she can continue it online on Mumsnet.

So you are annoyed that she did a poll asking if people wanted to continue. Some people did want to but she felt it wasn't enough people so paused it. But anyone else can host if they want to. Yes you are being unreasonable as everyone has stated.

Do you kind of feel sorry for the people who (going by the groundswell of opinion since the ‘anyone can host’ drip) think it better to dust yourself off, try and organise someone else to host, and keep the hobby going over the summer?

OP, you said in your original post that the substitute had been pushing to suspend the group prior to this happening and have elaborated that she said it was because low numbers of people were showing up. The poll results of people who want the group to continue meeting didn't actually fix the problem she had already identified that was causing her to want to suspend the meetings - low numbers of people actually coming to the meetings.

You've refused to answer multiple direct questions about this, but it sounds like no one responded to the host's push to suspend or her expressing unhappiness about the low attendance by offering to host themselves (something you say multiple other people could have done).

I understand you want her to have spelled it out to everyone in a different way and said something like "I don't want to keep committing to hosting because attendance is low and hasn't picked up despite me pointing it out and others insisting they do want to keep meeting. If someone else wants to volunteer then to host or rotate then that's great, but I'm going to pause on hosting myself for the summer." That would have been wonderful, crystal clear communication. But people are not always perfect, crystal clear communicators and it sounds like she did make it very clear she was not content with the situation and yet no one offered any help to actually improve it, so she found a solution to her problem that worked for her.

If that solution doesn't work for you then find one that does that doesn't depend on her. If you and others want to continue to meet then step up and make the arrangements (assuming no one has done so already). But it's not reasonable to confront her or complain anyone else that she's done you all wrong.

I think, if someone is hosting a hobby group, they have the right to say if the sessions are or aren't happening.

If you want to host instead you could still offer that?

Did you ask people for their input here? Yes.
Did you ignore it? Yes.
Sometimes we all start things we don't want to finish.

Instead of deleting the thread, maybe you could think about what this really means in context. It's annoyed you, ok, you've said that. Now you need to accept that for her own reasons she changed her mind, and move on. Pleade don't message her about it, because that's unnecessarily causing drama with the hobby group, and you will want to go there again.

Yes I think you should ask her why she co ducted a poll only to ignore the results. And then you should let us know what she says. I think she’ll say something like “the poll was only one factor in my decision to pause/not pause”.

Were all the people who voted "please continue" turning up every week?

Or were they turning up every now and then, so some weeks it was just 2 or 3 people?

Tell me you’ve been in a ‘hobby club’ without telling me ...

Thanks @Branleuse and @Iwilladmit, it's really nice to have someone get it, because (and I'm surre you understand this), I was finding it distressing to read comments replying to x, when I said y

The ‘NT’ people are prioritising rather than ruminating. Faced with this situation, questioning how the poll was ignored is trivial. It does nothing to rescue the missing hobby dates. Given that others could host, addressing that would be the more productive route. At least attempting to crack on.

@BrickBiscuit That’s not the OP’s issue though. She doesn’t mind that the hobby has been paused.
She minds that a poll was taken despite its results being meaningless. Have I got that right @thatsalad ?

You’re right, but not minding the hobby being paused makes the reaction to the poll issue seem disproportionate. This is the ‘unreasonable’ element.

But that’s the ND at work. It’s the pointless asking of everyone’s opinion to try and shift the blame of cancelling. If the host was going to cancel anyway, just do that and don’t arse around with poll.

Oh and @BrickBiscuit i purposefully ignored the slightly condescending tone of your previous comment quoting my post. It wasn’t helpful.

We don’t know they were going to cancel anyway. Others have speculated that their circumstances changed, or that the reality of less people in summer has hit home to the proposed host (who has not been there over summer yet). They may have thought they were asking the question ‘Do you want it to continue over summer so you can turn up’ , but realised the answers meant ‘I want it to continue but won’t necessarily attend myself’. Someone who has been there might have said ‘You know most of those who voted won’t actually turn up’. All speculation, but we don’t actually know.

Sorry (slightly).

So what if she did a poll then made her own choice, she’s allowed to change her mind at any point. Honestly the way you’re going on is quite outrageous. As if this woman should abide by a bloody poll vote.

You come across very self centred.

Sounds like someone else, from the everyone else who voted yes to continue-needs to step in and host

Maybe she hadn’t decided to cancel when she did the poll, and just wanted to ask if the participants wished to continue.
Then when they all said ‘yes’ she realised she didn’t want to continue herself after all.
Perfectly reasonable behaviour.

Nope, what would have been reasonable is asking if someone else wants to host and not outright cancelling it

Maybe she knew no one else could host it?
Or that no one would offer?
She seems to have been right about that.