To ask older lady to wear headphones in cafe

[Bearlionfalcon]

There is a cafe where I defo sometimes to work quietly on my laptop. It’s really well priced and friendly staff. I always buy either breakfast or lunch plus a few coffees and there is no issue over laptop use as there’s tons of space and many others do it. I always have sound turned off and never make calls.
There is a woman, I would say she is young 70s, who comes in nearly every day with her husband. She sits on her phone and flicks through Tik Tok videos with the sound on. It’s so incredibly annoying and distracting and I find it so inconsiderate.
The first couple of times I said nothing but yesterday I went over and said ‘I’m sorry, do you have any headphones you could use?’
She looked at me in horror and said ‘I never use headphones. I saw you looking over at me. I will put my phone away when I’m ready to.’ She then carried on.
I was so shocked, I said ‘but what would happen if everyone in the cafe played music out loud on their phone…’
She interrupted me and snapped ‘I’m not playing music,’ (Technically true, she was watching Tik Tok videos which are so much more annoying). Then she said: ‘Other people talk very loudly.’
Her tone was so loud and confrontational I sort of gave up and said ‘well, I was just letting you know that it was bothering me’ and went back to my table.
Her husband then said incredibly loudly ‘How rude. When we come to this cafe all the time. I bet she wouldn’t talk to someone else about that but she’s come up and spoken to you’ - basically implying I’ve picked on her because she is an older woman, as opposed to some intimidating bloke or young person. Which is not true!
She carried on exactly as before, making loads of noise with her phone. I honestly couldn’t believe the level of entitlement.
For context these were not a frail elderly couple but an obviously wealthy middle class couple. It’s a mixed are where there are houses which cost millions and also council flats etc.
WIBU to speak to her?

Maybe have a word with the staff? It’s incredibly anti-social, and I’d imagine you aren’t the only person who is pissed off by it!

Have a word with the staff. If they do nothing about it, find another cafe.

It's so antisocial. Defo get the staff involved if you run into her again.

You weren’t being unreasonable at all. I wish the cafe owner/manager had backed you up. Headphones exist if people want to watch videos or listen to music. There’s absolutely no need to subject anyone else to it.

you weren’t being unreasonable at all

I’d speak to the staff

my doctor’s surgery put a sign up and started to enforce telling people off after I complained. I hate listening to people’s audio but TikTok is so much worse than music because people are scrolling so you get whiplash inducing, varied audio constantly chatting out and sticking to something else.

Have staff speak to her.
Suggest that staff invest in a couple of pairs of earphones.

Speak to the staff.

What on earth has her age got to do with it?

I did think about talking to the staff but this couple really go out of their way to make out they are ‘best friends’ with all the staff - it is impossible not to overhear these interactions as they talk SO LOUDLY - and also in quite a cringey way (I heard the husband quizzing the different members of staff yesterday on ‘where their families are from originally’ - although he was quick to assure them ‘it’s all great, nothing wrong with it!’ - the staff are so lovely and just looked amused / bemused but I was dying inside!) I think probably it would put the staff in an awkward position as this couple are there EVERRRRY day. And also it’ll be very obvious now that it’s come from me (I’ve seen loads of other people look annoyed by her tik - rolling but I haven never seen anyone else actually speak up or complain).

Why is her age a factor? YANBU about her not using headphones but YABVVU to be so ageist.

Thanks for the replies. I did think about talking to the staff but this couple really go out of their way to make out they are ‘best friends’ with all the staff - it is impossible not to overhear these interactions as they talk SO LOUDLY - and also in quite a cringey way (I heard the husband quizzing the different members of staff yesterday on ‘where their families are from originally’ - although he was quick to assure them ‘it’s all great, nothing wrong with it!’ - the staff are so lovely and just looked amused / bemused but I was dying inside!) I think probably it would put the staff in an awkward position as this couple are there EVERRRRY day. And also it’ll be very obvious now that it’s come from me (I’ve seen loads of other people look annoyed by her tik - rolling but I haven never seen anyone else actually speak up or complain).

My mum is that age, she would never use headphones.
But then, she wouldn’t use a Smartphone or TikTok either!

She’s a selfish cow. I’m glad you had it out with her! So many people ignore the bad behaviour and it never stops (still may not, in this case 😆). I’d definitely mention it to the staff.

Yabu. You shouldn’t be working in noisy places and expecting quietness.

I’m not ageist, sorry if I didn’t make this clear but her age is a factor because her husband implied I was victimising her in some way, and I assume he meant because of her age.
I’m guessing she is about the age of my mum, who would never behave like this!!!

I’ve said YABU because you’re going on about her possible age, financial position and social status. All of those things are totally irrelevant.
Just take your own headphones!

The thing that surprises me most about this post is that someone in their 70s can be arsed with bloody TikTok.

Anyway, she’s clearly rude and YANBU to say something to her. I’d be bringing my own headphones in future, though.

I have a feeling you can’t win with people like this. My solution would be wearing noise cancelling earbuds myself - they save my sanity every day. I know you shouldn’t have to and that they are in the wrong but it doesn’t sound as though sensible and polite intervention is going to get anywhere.

Yabu. You shouldn’t be working in noisy places and expecting quietness.

😆😆 they walk among us

@Lemonadeat8 I can see that point - although to me the normal hum of conversation is so different to phone noise - I find WFH quite lonely as my job doesn’t involve and human interaction and so I actually like to work somewhere with the hum of chatter around me and don’t find it distracting. Someone skipping through short clips of videos on their phone speakers repeatedly is a completely different and more jarring quality of noise

There’s expecting quietness (which I agree would be unreasonable) and there’s expecting people not to have their phones / tablets playing audibly.

i would start scrolling on tic tok tbh, bet that will annoy her.

SIBVU. Phone making noise? Headphones are non negotiable in public.

People asking why OP is bringing her age into it, I'm guessing it's because of ". I bet she wouldn’t talk to someone else about that but she’s come up and spoken to you’ - basically implying I’ve picked on her because she is an older woman, as opposed to some intimidating bloke or young person". The couple have decided the the woman is the victim of, presumably, ageism. Taking a thing that does happen and claiming victimhood where it's not really relevant.

YABU expecting quiet to work in a cafe. The TikTok I understand, but you've also referenced that they talk "SO LOUDLY".

Cafes are social spaces, people will make noise in them. Perhaps invest in some Loop earplugs, or work from an actual workspace. You can't expect quiet in a public social space.

Speak to the staff and get a sense of whether they will say anything to them.

If not, sit near them next time and play really loud punk rock.