Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask older lady to wear headphones in cafe

393 replies

Bearlionfalcon · 07/08/2025 10:06

There is a cafe where I defo sometimes to work quietly on my laptop. It’s really well priced and friendly staff. I always buy either breakfast or lunch plus a few coffees and there is no issue over laptop use as there’s tons of space and many others do it. I always have sound turned off and never make calls.
There is a woman, I would say she is young 70s, who comes in nearly every day with her husband. She sits on her phone and flicks through Tik Tok videos with the sound on. It’s so incredibly annoying and distracting and I find it so inconsiderate.
The first couple of times I said nothing but yesterday I went over and said ‘I’m sorry, do you have any headphones you could use?’
She looked at me in horror and said ‘I never use headphones. I saw you looking over at me. I will put my phone away when I’m ready to.’ She then carried on.
I was so shocked, I said ‘but what would happen if everyone in the cafe played music out loud on their phone…’
She interrupted me and snapped ‘I’m not playing music,’ (Technically true, she was watching Tik Tok videos which are so much more annoying). Then she said: ‘Other people talk very loudly.’
Her tone was so loud and confrontational I sort of gave up and said ‘well, I was just letting you know that it was bothering me’ and went back to my table.
Her husband then said incredibly loudly ‘How rude. When we come to this cafe all the time. I bet she wouldn’t talk to someone else about that but she’s come up and spoken to you’ - basically implying I’ve picked on her because she is an older woman, as opposed to some intimidating bloke or young person. Which is not true!
She carried on exactly as before, making loads of noise with her phone. I honestly couldn’t believe the level of entitlement.
For context these were not a frail elderly couple but an obviously wealthy middle class couple. It’s a mixed are where there are houses which cost millions and also council flats etc.
WIBU to speak to her?

OP posts:
OSTMusTisNT · 08/08/2025 20:25

Next time, sit at the table closest to them and get watching some stuff on your phone with the volume turned up.

Worked a treat for me in our local tiny Indian Restaurant when Mum and Dad left little Damien playing some really nippy noisy games on his tablet at full volume.

Damien's parents had mastered the art of ignoring him but not the stuff we started playing 😆.

nomas · 08/08/2025 20:29

Choux · 08/08/2025 20:27

It’s happening globally - wireless headphones cost more and require the user to connect to blue tooth which means more tech savviness then when you could just plug headphones in.
https://theweek.com/culture-life/personal-technology/headphones-phone-etiquette

Wireless headphones can be bought for a tenner at Tesco or even cheaper at the market.

Choux · 08/08/2025 20:34

nomas · 08/08/2025 20:29

Wireless headphones can be bought for a tenner at Tesco or even cheaper at the market.

Yes but the old wired headphones used to come free with your phone. And didn’t require an understanding of Bluetooth settings.

I have wireless ear buds but often when I want to use them on my iPad they are connected to my phone or vice versa. It’s not as straightforward as wired headphones.

PeonyBulb · 08/08/2025 20:41

It’s a cafe not your office

Choux · 08/08/2025 20:41

OP show this pic to the cafe owner. They could get something similar made up. The cafe is who needs to take action as otherwise their business will suffer. People will go less often or just have a drink instead of lunch in case this woman comes in and spoils their meal etc. And people who stop going will tell their friends that they risk having their time there disturbed so they will stop going.

The cafe staff have created a problem for themselves by letting them have a reserved table so making them think they are special there and not nipping the loud videos in the bud in the first couple of days. Now it’s a habit for this woman and she will not be happy if a policy is brought in.

To ask older lady to wear headphones in cafe
Panterusblackish · 08/08/2025 20:42

I'm not usually a fan of physical punishment, but I do think the stocks should be reintroduced for people like this.

No one should be inflicting their phone noise on others. She's a selfish cunt. Though I would say her age is irrelevant.

TooBored1 · 08/08/2025 20:52

You could let the woman and the cafe owner know that it's quite possibly a public performance, so infringes in IP rights .

Choux · 08/08/2025 21:05

So the staff take what is probably one of the nicest tables in the cafe out of use with a reserved sign so this couple are guaranteed to be able to have it at whatever time they turn up? Is it reserved from opening but then they show up at 10.30? I would go at 9 before the reserved sign goes up, sit at their preferred table and then just stay there! But it’s a bit tricky now you have already spoken to her about the noise.

Do they each have a breakfast there every day or are the staff letting this couple rule the roost because they buy two coffees every day?

MrsLizzieDarcy · 08/08/2025 21:19

I run a business and we have to have a licence to play a radio in our workshop. I'd imagine the cafe would need the same if people are watching videos/social media. Perhaps it's worth pointing that out to them...

Nikki75 · 08/08/2025 22:26

Your not unreasonable at all people are inconsiderate and dont like being told some home truths .
She obviously has no means of conversation with her husband or whoever he was if she prefers watching crap on tiktok.
Tell the staff , I love going to a coffee shop to watch the world go by I wouldn't be happy if someone was on their phone and I could hear all they are watching .
Life seems like this now phones just take over in everything we do .

chaosmaker · 09/08/2025 10:16

@Choux they don't have to be wireless though, they just need to be used not to inconvenience others. Alternatively they can do something else instead... is NOT difficult

cramptramp · 09/08/2025 20:09

ClaredeBear · 08/08/2025 18:34

I don’t think so, hearing impairment is more likely to be a factor, plus she might well be of a generation who never uses headphones, so I think it’s relevant.

I’m her generation and I use AirPods, headphones, Bluetooth etc. Age has nothing to do with being able to use something that stops you annoying other people.

chaosmaker · 25/08/2025 20:36

Viviennemary · 07/08/2025 13:04

A cafe is not an office. If I go into a cafe I do not want to see folk at work. They should be in their own homes or in the office.

sit with your back to them. They aren't harming you unless they are having a loud business meeting in which case see the rest of the thread!

Mom2526 · 25/08/2025 20:38

Astrabees · 07/08/2025 10:14

Why is her age a factor? YANBU about her not using headphones but YABVVU to be so ageist.

This

XenoBitch · 25/08/2025 20:40

chaosmaker · 25/08/2025 20:36

sit with your back to them. They aren't harming you unless they are having a loud business meeting in which case see the rest of the thread!

And being on a laptop does not mean they are working. There is a regular in a cafe I go to who plays games on his laptop.

SapphireSeptember · 27/08/2025 13:18

@Bearlionfalcon Did you get a response from the café manager? I can't believe the employee didn't say anything though. It's not fair on the other customers.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page