Why do people assume that those who potty train late are ‘lazy’ parents?

[gobshite23]

I’m not talking about those who genuinely can’t be bothered and send their kids to school in nappies so the teachers can do it. That’s obviously wrong.

But both of my kids were over 3 when they were trained. Had a few attempts before that but with both kids its was clear they weren’t ready and got upset so I left it.

I posted here for advice and was told I was lazy and cruel for leaving it so late. For context my dd was three in May so not especially late imo. But she did get it within a couple of days and 2 weeks on we have had no accidents at all.

To me it actually makes more sense to wait until they are a bit older and understand what they need to do and why. It made it a lot easier for all of us.

Because lots who leave it are lazy.

Not everyone.

But where is the benefit in doing it early? It can be distressing for the child and takes longer.

What even constitutes as ‘late’?

I left it late with my third, due to necessity, big operation. Then he only took 48 hrs to be completely trained, no accidents. Did think it was the better way.

Mainly because some of them are? It is an excruciating task which no one particularly likes and therefore some of those parents may try to avoid for as long as possible. Some of those parent’s children would have been ready a long time before their parents wanted to deal with it. It’s a kind of lazy/selfish vibe which catches up with them eventually!

You have found what works for one of your children which is great but every child is an individual and what works for one might not work for another. I have 5 children and each one has been different to potty train (later, earlier, dry at night, lots of accidents, no accidents, using the potty, straight on the toilet…etc). I wouldn’t give anyone any advice on when is the best time to start because it’s personal to their child’s needs but they should be trained by the time they start school.

Absolutely it must be done before school, in the absence of any additional issues. And I would never judge anyone for when and how they choose to potty train. As pp says, it’s down to the individual child.

But the ‘lazy’ argument isn’t always correct or helpful. People were really mean to me on here basically accusing me of being a shit parent because id let my dc get to 3 without being trained.

I was told by a group of wise women, the Haven Fruitbat Aunties, that if I started at two, I'd be finishing when they were three. If I started at three, I'd be finishing at three. They weren't wrong!

Also, I was buggered if I was going to start the process on my timeline, rather than their own, so when they were giving signals of toilet training readiness. I didn't give a flying fuck what anyone else thought about it, the most important thing to me was to get us, and most particularly my kids, over that rather rough terrain as smoothly as possible.

Ooooooooh, you ought to have heard my mother. . .

We started late and I was worried DS wouldn't be done in time for school. Chose a warm day, took his nappy off, he wet himself once, didn't like the feel of that happening then used the potty from then on.

We'd obviously already introduced the potty so he knew what it was - the first one he managed to hurt himself with and wouldn't go near it after that so we bought another that was very different (and played music when you used it which he liked.)

I did both of mine when they were ready, took 2 days. They were around their third birthdays.
I was absolutely bemused by friends chasing their toddlers around with potties for months on end, spending hours scrubbing rugs and carpets after daily accidents, just to meet some self imposed milestone "early".

Because often (not always) they are lazy if they don’t potty train until late. Just turned 3 isn’t late though.

we did it late, but both my kids are AuDHD, and my DS had dyspraxia too, so he's never been great on learning his bodies cues.

In both cases, i waited until they showed signs of wanting to, and went at their pace.

DS was just short of 5 when he 'got it' to at least be dry, the other side took a bit more work and there were accidents in reception.

DD was just 4.

my DD and my D Niece are same age, DN was started at 2, and ended up with severe constipation, and scared of the loo, SIL had to abandon it for 18mo.

I waited until DD was just 4, and it took 2 weeks.

I don't think its lazy to wait til the kid is ready, whatever age that is.

Just turned 3 isn't late? It's about average for boys I think, based on my friends. Girls seemed to be ready a bit earlier, more like 2.5. I did it the week after mine turned 3 and it took him a week to even slightly get it, with months of regular accidents - with hindsight I probably should have waited a bit longer.

Same nearly 35 years ago now. Didn't see the point and straight to insert seat on loo. Potty were too low, tipped over as they sat down/ stood up, Gave that up quickly as it was off putting for them. All trained within a week, day and night 2.5 to 3 yrs across 3 kids.

3 is certainly late and yes, I think it's lazy parenting and environmentally rather irresponsible. "Readiness" (beyond basic physical ability to stand, walk and pull down clothes) is largely a myth promulgated by Pampers etc and seized on by parents who can't cope with a few accidents or actually having to teach their child something rather than waiting for them to do it of their own accord.

And this is a great example of the comments I was getting on my previous posts. Who are you to say another parent is lazy?

Personally I think it’s far more sensible to wait until the child has a better understanding of the whole process. It saves stress for everyone. The environmental element is another argument altogether, although I’m not sure it’s particularly environmentally friendly to be constantly bleaching piss out of your carpet.

I think waiting until they can pick it up quickly is "working smarter not harder", as opposed to lazy.

I’m happy for you to think I’ve been done over by Big Pampas. DS got it in about three days when we got off our lazy arses and did it pretty much on nursery’s orders at 34 months. It set him up much better than his peers who were pushed too soon and still having accidents months and months after starting.

@NavyRose here here!
It took me well over a year to potty train my ds but he had cracked it by 3.5 and was also dry overnight. It didn't help that he had some awful digestives issues that were making it hard for him to poo and he developed what seemed to be anxiety about doing a number 2 anywhere other than his nappy. I think I had 3 in person GP appointments and 3 phone consultations before I went private and we actually got some answers regarding the chronic constipation he had been experiencing. Absolute nightmare and set our potty training efforts back by a good few months.
None of the 3 day/oh crap stuff worked on my kid by the way. It just. Did. Not. Work.
But yeah, apparently I'm lazy.
Look, if that makes you mums whose kids potty trained at a "correct" age feel better about yourselves by comparison to a slovenly mum like me then go for it, bask in it, have a medal 🥇 you win.

Probably because the advice is to do it before 3, potty training does take some effort as all things so that's probably why people think it's lazy (and assuming you're hoping by leaving later it will be easier for you)

Mine were all 2years & a few months, depending on when it suited our schedule. No fuss, no drama, no accidents after the first couple of days. Also took night nappies away within the same month and have changed less than 3 wet beds in my life.

I think it’s one of those things where if you find it easy, you don’t understand what the fuss is about. I certainly didn’t. I remember staying with family when youngest 2yrs 8mo and being offered a night nappy by a sister with a child a whole year older than mine (our bags were unavailable) and I think i must have offended her as I was genuinely confused and flippantly said what would I want that for?

My DC got it at 2.5 in one day. Kids are much smarter than we give them credit for.

Whose advice is this? The NHS recommends introducing the potty between 18 months and 2 but also states that many children aren’t reliably dry until age 4.

Is there some sort of shame in wanting to make things easier for yourself?

Well that's great for your daughter but some kids genuinely do take a lot longer to figure it out.
The problem is that whatever you do, you literally cannot make a toddler shit on command.
If you happen to be the mum whose kid took a longer time to potty train then you have to deal with being seen as an inferior parent and you are downgraded in friendship circles.

Same here. When they’re ready, they’re ready and I barely remember toilet training my two. It was over and done with in less than a week.
Obviously there would have been an issue if they were getting close to starting school but they both showed signs of being ready at around 3yo.
Night time training took longer and DS2 was dry before his 3 years older brother. Again it’s very much about when they are ready physically.

But wet nappies at night is mostly hormonal - you can’t really change / force that