Why do people assume that those who potty train late are ‘lazy’ parents?

[gobshite23]

I’m not talking about those who genuinely can’t be bothered and send their kids to school in nappies so the teachers can do it. That’s obviously wrong.

But both of my kids were over 3 when they were trained. Had a few attempts before that but with both kids its was clear they weren’t ready and got upset so I left it.

I posted here for advice and was told I was lazy and cruel for leaving it so late. For context my dd was three in May so not especially late imo. But she did get it within a couple of days and 2 weeks on we have had no accidents at all.

To me it actually makes more sense to wait until they are a bit older and understand what they need to do and why. It made it a lot easier for all of us.

That was my point as well😀

train late by all means but don’t inflict this situation on others if you can help it

I specifically said no one would think a parent was lazy if a child with disabilities was trained late.

Teach them what? I did toilet train them when they were able to say they needed to go. Took under a week each around their 3 Rd birthdays.

Or teach them to talk? If so how

As a side, have you looked at the attention autism site? They do courses and information including on toilet training. Gina Davies who started bucket time set it up.

So when your out and see a child in nappies you automatically know if they have send or not....you look at a 3 or 4 year old and can just tell?

You can teach a child who doesn't have clear expressive language to use signs and symbols to communicate.

Why would I need to tell if some random child I don't know has SEND or not?

Both of mine were just over 3 and got it easily and were dry in days. Some people see training young as some kind of badge of honour. I had no interest in weeks of pissy pants.

To judge them lazy or oh it's ok they have SEND I'll give the parents a pass.

But why do you want to?

But 3 isn't late it's within the typical range that was defined by birth to 5 and developmental matters for what 15/20 years.

Or they can just learn to talk in their own time. What's wrong in that.? Is there a great rush to get them talking now? Seeing as they were able to talk and read before going to school and it's never affected their lives since.( All adults now)

I don't but you said you wouldn't judge if they had an Sen which means you judge if they don't.....but how do you know

This. We feel judged quite a lot but it feels so unsavoury to use DD’s medical condition to appease judgey strangers. Not to mention if we did it would insinuate it’s ok to judge children without medical conditions that are struggling with potty training.

I don’t judge women who pee themselves when they sneeze for being lazy & not doing their pelvic floors like I did. Never mind how gross & bad for the environment liners are.. oh wait, maybe they just had a different experience to me.

I agree with this. Both my children were late talkers but used clear signs/ grunts to mean wee and poo. It’s really not that hard. Children use non-verbal communication all the time!

I didn't say that 🤔I've posted nothing about me judging anything.
You seem to be weirdly determined to create an argument that doesn't exist.

Before I started potty training my oldest I had heard stories of it taking weeks, with accidents everywhere and things like that so I was really stressed about it. DD turned out to be scared of the potty when I tried so I left it until she was 3.5, then tried and she got it pretty much straight away, no stress at all. Made me realise perhaps its more likely to be difficult if you're trying to potty train at a younger age. So with my son I waited until around 3.5 as well, and once again it was a doddle. I would do the same again, and advise others to do so too.

I personally think it's healthier and more pleasant for children, and better for the environment, to get children out of nappies as soon as possible and being unable to say the words doesn't prevent potty training.
Or you can leave it later. It's up to the individual parents, no one is going to break into your house and force you to potty train your 2 year old.

It is later than what people did a generation ago but perfectly fine

my own dgd was trained at 2 in last 5 years’

Just that they are capable of being trained earlier.

But back in the day mums wanted to be lazy and avoid the washing....to turn the argument....so sat their children on the potty for a long time giving books, food etc on the potty while they got on with things. That's wee catching not training. Kids were always wetting and being called pissy pants at school....that started at 5. They were dosed up with stuff like cod liver oil for constipation

Yes possibly but my 3 were definitely ready around 2.

i did use pampers or Huggies but it was an expense

Look at your earlier post which does imply exactly what I said.

My eldest is 39 (so back in the 90s when everybody trained earlier) She was due to start playgroup at 2 1/4 but they would only take her if she was out of nappies. Tried to train her and it was a disaster. She had no clue that she needed to go and I still remember the distress to both of us and bystanders when she let go of a full bladder in the local toy shop. Every time I picked her up she was wet. She stank all the time and the day she wet herself on my lap I gave it up as a bad job. I don't think our relationship ever recovered from that time :( She wet the bed until she was about 7. My mother helpfully reminded me that my brother was exactly the same. I look back on that time with guilt and shame that I put her through that and didn't have the courage of my convictions to ignore the virtuous.

DC2 is autistic. Aged 2.5 he said he wouldn't be wearing nappies anymore because they were disgusting, and never did again. No accidents day or night.

DC3 I don't remember, so clearly wasn't traumatic. DC4 we took on a plane at 3.5 and didn't take any nappies because he'd been trained a while, then he refused to poo anywhere but a nappy. That was a fun holiday.

DC5 clearly wasn't aware when she'd been so held off on the training until well over 3. Mother and her friends were giving me cat's bum mouth about lazy parenting. Realised we'd had a week of dry night nappies and decided to see what would happen - dry and clean day and night with zero effort.

The first part of the process is the child realising what is happening. Before that point you are training yourself to follow them round with a potty. Just as they all start to speak at different times and learn to walk at different times, they all become aware of bodily functions at different times as well.

Yes, again they're capable of a lot of things - and history has shown that. Out of nappies, eating solid food, fitting up a chimney. But is it bragging worthy? No. Is it even best practice? No. Is it even remotely important? Not really.

Lots of people don't use nappies at all and have their babies trained by mere months old so I'm sure they would look at all the smug 18mth parents as being 'lazy' too. I guess it's rather a ridiculous hierarchy.