Why do people assume that those who potty train late are ‘lazy’ parents?

[gobshite23]

I’m not talking about those who genuinely can’t be bothered and send their kids to school in nappies so the teachers can do it. That’s obviously wrong.

But both of my kids were over 3 when they were trained. Had a few attempts before that but with both kids its was clear they weren’t ready and got upset so I left it.

I posted here for advice and was told I was lazy and cruel for leaving it so late. For context my dd was three in May so not especially late imo. But she did get it within a couple of days and 2 weeks on we have had no accidents at all.

To me it actually makes more sense to wait until they are a bit older and understand what they need to do and why. It made it a lot easier for all of us.

What’s best practice (in terms of child development) in toilet training?

This may be somewhat off-topic, but more and more as my DC grow I'm coming to the conclusion that a lot of harm is sometimes caused by pushing children to do things before they are ready. It is viewed as being a good thing, an achievement, to have a child who does things at an early stage and a nice reflection on you as a parent. And sometimes it is this, because it just comes naturally to a child or because they're a bright little button, but heaping too much pressure on (and excessive praise can also be pressure) can cause issues long-term. A child who is hurried though the stages of their childhood and their development, and not allowed to revisit earlier stages when they need to, is often an anxious child because they're being moved forward too quickly at a pace that doesn't suit them.

There isn't 'best' practice, Inconsequential things like what age you potty train at don't have 'best' practice.

There's current practice - which will change according to whatever 'advice' is being given at any particular time.

We were incentivised to have them trained for playgroup at 2 and 9 months then for my ds 2.5. otherwise they wouldn’t take them then they went to 1/2 day nursery aligned with their primary school

It really doesn't. I don't think anyone would think that - it's not something I've seen expressed on this thread or heard in real life.
I haven't suggested at all that I need to guess if random children have sen, or said I would judge anything.

Gosh I never knew potty training was such an area Of contention. I assume we all know when we were potty trained ourselves? I personally have absolutely no idea. I’ve done pretty well in life for myself but gosh really hope my mum didn’t potty train me late and is in fact lazy all along. Who knows I’ll never ask her as I personally don’t care x

I agree, not laziness in many cases. my ds was ready at 2 and 2 months. Zero issues, barely any accidents. With dd we tried and tried, all the leaving free of pants or nappies in the garden etc. she just held it in then wee’d all down her legs and did not get it. At exactly 3 and a half she just decided she was going to do it and got it in days. Barely any accidents since. Maybe some children you have to teach and some you have to wait to be ready. I think it’s rarely laziness as surely it’s more hassle to change nappies 🤷🏻‍♀️. I couldn’t wait for Dd to be potty trained. Also my dd is just as clever as ds 🤷🏻‍♀️. Maybe more so, she’s so into books, social, happy, articulate. Who knows why she took so long.

This.

One of my friends has a DD who is 10 months younger than my DS2. She walked at 9 months, and my DS2 walked at 2 due to his hypermobility, so she was walking first. My friend’s husband liked to tell me that their DD was “so super advanced”. 🤣

It also reminds me of taking my kids to do a paid for activity at Center Parcs and another couple forced their screaming DC all round it, I assume “for the photos” (which were awful because of their DC screaming). It ruined it for the kids who were doing it willingly!

🤣 come on, Tallulah!

Give me a nice big smile from high up on that climbing wall!!!

WAAAAAAAAAA! 😭