Why do people assume that those who potty train late are ‘lazy’ parents?

[gobshite23]

I’m not talking about those who genuinely can’t be bothered and send their kids to school in nappies so the teachers can do it. That’s obviously wrong.

But both of my kids were over 3 when they were trained. Had a few attempts before that but with both kids its was clear they weren’t ready and got upset so I left it.

I posted here for advice and was told I was lazy and cruel for leaving it so late. For context my dd was three in May so not especially late imo. But she did get it within a couple of days and 2 weeks on we have had no accidents at all.

To me it actually makes more sense to wait until they are a bit older and understand what they need to do and why. It made it a lot easier for all of us.

I'm now a childminder and my pet hate is: child turns two, HV tells them they must be potty trained, child turns up to me in pants after a day...

Yes thats not fair at all, thats asking you to do the work. Mum or dad need to use their holiday and have the child home for a week to sort it initially.

All three of mine trained around their 2nd birthdays, were dry during the day in two weeks. DC1 was dry at night 5 months later, DC2 dry at night at the same time as during the day and DC3 dry at night by 3. I don’t know if not being dry at night counts or not but the convenience and expense of being dry during day just after their second birthdays was worth it. Every parent I know who waited till 3 did it because they couldn’t be arsed to stay in for a week and properly train their kids, which it what it takes. All this they are only reliably dry by 3 anyway just becomes a rhetoric to excuse the laziness (which to be honest a lot of people are open about).

This.

Whatever works best for your child.
Often the parents online who are prickly about being perceived as doing it 'late' are also the ones who seem to believe that all of us who did it 'early' have struggles with accidents etc etc. I mean you see that on this thread! I think it's best just to focus on your own children and what's best for them.

My eldest was trained within about a week at 2.5
2 years 4 months I trained my little one- speech delayed so I really thought he would struggle. Actually he was sorted by the end of day three, on the toilet and no potties. Neither of them showed the signs of readiness other than physically being able to learn to climb up to toilet and pull pants up and down. I just chose bank holiday weekend both times! It appears to have worked for them.

You will be the best person to determine your own child’s readiness. Some may be 18 months, others 3 years. Probably depends on both the child’s development, their environment (I’m a stay at home mum which makes toilet training a lot easier) and the parents toilet training “philosophy”.

I have a 21 month old who is starting to show signs of being interested in using the toilet, however despite sitting her on it frequently absolutely no progress has been made. I don’t know when she’ll actually be toilet trained, it could be a year away or it could be months away and in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter.

Like many things with parenting, there needs to be more support and less judgement.

Nursery worker here- just my 2 cents. Once the child is aware they are wet/soiled, changing becomes really awkward. When they can tell you they’ve done a wee or a poo, it’s time to toilet train. However we’ve had children up to age 3.5 still in nappies who have been telling us for months their nappies are dirty and need changing. At that point, it’s laziness through and through.
However, children who aren’t ready, aren’t ready. I’ve met just turned 2 year olds who can toilet independently, to 5 year olds who only use potty/need help wiping/need reminders every hour. Children are all so different. Do what’s best for your child!

Mine was trained at 18 months, it wasn't distressing and it didn't take longer. It made sense to me to do it early before he could have an opinion about it.

I'll be training my twins in a few months when they turn 18 months as well.

It’s often easier when they are younger. It’s a misconception that waiting until they’re older makes it easier. We had one poo accident (dh took dd1 to the park and forgot to toilet her first) and I can count the wee accidents on my fingers - 3 dc.

That said, some aren’t ready and will be later. I judge those who don’t try.

Staggering lack of empathy for people who try to potty train but who have kids that genuinely struggle with it...

Mine were also about 3. Before that they couldn't even talk to say they needed to go

My two didn’t have the language either

I had two failed attempts with both of mine. Tried them both before they were 3. They both got very distressed and upset and I didn’t want them to associate the process with upset or fear. In hindsight I wonder if I should have pushed through with it then but I didn’t, I left it a few months and tried again.

I also had to put time aside when I was off work.

There will be people who genuinely can’t be bothered but it’s not everyone.

I don't understand why it's an issue...we had no bathroom as it was being done up... literally using water from tap outside...dd decided a few weeks before she turned 3 she wanted to wear pants...that was potty training...no accidents night and day from that decision.. probably left it too late due to no bathroom but so easy....best decision ever was not to potty train even if it was by accident

My son was between 3 and 3 1/2 when he was potty trained. I tried it a couple
of times earlier due to peer pressure and he got so upset because he kept wetting himself, so I decided to wait until he was ready.

He literally got out of bed one day, asked to wear big boy pants and we never looked back. He’s only had one accident where he wet himself, never pooped himself, has never wet the bed. He sleeps naked at night when it’s hot. He is 4 now getting ready to start school and the mums who I felt pressured by still have their kids wearing pull ups at night so I don’t think it matters at all.

In my opinion as long as they are potty trained before school that’s fine by me.

This is how I feel as well. Most children can learn at 2!!

I genuinely feel once you start getting out of the potty ready period then you start actually training toddlers to get used to wees and poos in their nappies.

potty trained dc1 by their 2nd birthday. DC2 has just turned 2 and will be potty training shortly (and have a newborn…)

My eldest was dry at a little over 2, she asked one day to wear big girl pants. Very few accidents and was dry at night. My younger daughter we tried at similar age she just didnt get it waited till nearly 3 she was dry during the day, but wasnt dry fully at night to when she was around 4.

Each child went at their own pace and when ready. My eldest is autistic and i think when i look back now she absolutely hated the feeling of wet/ nappy so for her she didnt want to still wear them! We always had a potty around from about 18 months & had bought pants etc so we talked about it but waited till each was ready and understood.

Not laziness, but being misinformed a lot of the time. ‘Readiness’ is a very misunderstood concept and overused as an excuse not too. And then very often the wrong method is employed and so parents give up on it.

I can’t imagine why you would leave your child in nappies if you could help them. To me it’s unkind because I would hate to wear a nappy if I didn’t have to.

I think it also depends on circumstances, so if you’re picking one up from nursery, then going to school to collect another, then needing to go to the shop/an activity or whatever. One of my kids pood 2-3 times a day, another every two days - guess which one stayed in nappies longer when we had to go out?

Generally the later you leave it the easier they get it. I started mine around 2 and a half, although DS 2 was using the potty at 22 months, copying his big brother 😆

@WiseFinch absolutely this! At that point it definitely is laziness.

Like with everything to do with parenting it turns judgey and competitive!
I had people at toddler groups who “couldn’t believe it” when I said I hadn’t started potty training my 2yo yet - because their 18mo was “fully trained day and night and only had a few accidents if they were too busy playing” 🙄 when in reality what they meant was the child could see in the toilet when they were taken there at regular intervals but the child never initiated going to the toilet and if they weren’t taken at regular intervals they would wet themself - which isn’t actually potty trained at all. It’s just an 18mo without a nappy 🫠

DS started coming to me at about 2.5ish telling me he’d done a wee/poo and needed a new nappy. At that point we potty trained and he cracked it straight away 🙌🏻
Had maybe a fortnight when he started nursery at 3yo where he was having a wee accident during the day but it was always that he was busy playing and worried he’d miss the game if he went to the loo so by the time he decided to go he’d be desperate and wouldn’t make it in time. As soon as he settled into nursery that stopped 👍🏻
Other than the 2 weeks of accidents at nursery, he’s never had a wee/poo accident at all! But is still wet at night at 4.5!

^ I agree. I don’t like the insinuation on this thread from some that if your child was trained at 2 there was ‘fuss and drama’ along the way.

Both mine were trained at 2. There wasn’t any ‘fuss or drama’ or loads of accidents for months on end.

This. Plus there is a lot of confusion around day time and night time. These are completely separate for some children, especially boys. Just focus on day time dryness. Almost all children are ready to use a toilet by aged 3. But it's not like all are going to walk uo to you and say this..parents need to have some time frame and commit..2 is too young for many..

Disposable nappies - quick change - easy to delay potty training even if you are making the manufacturers £££
Terry nappies - heavy nappy buckets, nappy liners, washing machine on boil wash, horrendous tumble drier costs - potty training as soon as possible makes for an easier life.
But you can’t beat a washing line of clean white Terry nappies blowing in the wind can you?

My mother genuinely thought I should start at 6/8 weeks

6-8 weeks,not 6-8 months,it seemed to involve taking the nappy off and hovering over the potty/newspaper and catching what fell

Sod that for a game of soliders-each one was just over 3 and each one sat on it themselves (with nappies on,so I took them off)

It took less than 48 hours with each one and she was horrified that they where not potty trained as almost newborns

Apparently she did it with me and then my brothers and we where all dry by 20 months (cough,bullshit,cough)

She did use Terry towlling nappies (my father didn't want to use pampers but was nowhere to be seen at any stage of using them)

Not a chance was I breaking my back for 18 months,holding a child in place on the potty on the off chance they had a piss when I could leave it and they'd train themselves