OH wants to give 3 months old to his mothers for a week

mummymanic · 2025-08-06T13:15:48+00:00

Hi all, im due to have DC4 in March and I’ve got a holiday booked for end of June. I’ve asked OH if he would be okay with all 4 kids and he said “send them to your mums” in questioned him and said “even the baby?” to which he agreed. this will be our 1st child together. AIBU to think that this is what it’ll be like moving forward and that he won’t want to take care of the child/ren when I want some “me time” and he’ll fob them off to either of our parents? He thinks it’s normal because his nephew spends majority of the week at his mum’s and I keep explaining to him that it’s really not the norm and a newborn should be at home with parents. trying not to stress about it but it’s really upset me. considering bringing the baby with me abroad but dunno how I’ll manage (also not told anybody im travelling with yet).

HauntedDreams · 06/08/2025 14:24

I keep explaining to him that it’s really not the norm and a newborn should be at home with parents.

Yet you’re planning to go away…

I mean, you’re perfectly entitled to, I just couldn’t leave a 3 month old for a week. But, you’re right, that’s how it will be going forward. He’s clearly not the best person to pick having a child with if he doesn’t want to parent a child.
I can sort of understand him not wanting to parent the other kids that aren’t even his but still half think if you’re a ‘family’ that should include all of you, but did you not have any sort of discussion about raising a child before deciding to go ahead with the pregnancy?

MyLittleNest · 06/08/2025 14:27

This is definitely how he will treat parenting going forward. And given this attitude, I am not sure I would even want to leave him alone with a baby.

If you're not married, I would reconsider doing so.

Although you deserve some me time, I would not be taking a week-long holiday three months after having a baby. Can you move the trip?

youreactinglikeafunmum · 06/08/2025 14:28

Yanbu, this is the future tbh

I'd suggest creating a strong support network outside of him, because you may well need them x

JMSA · 06/08/2025 14:28

I don’t think he’s being unreasonable in not wanting to do it 😬 Sorry OP. I’m usually the first to champion mothers having a break and some time to themselves. It’s so incredibly important.
But this is a massive ask, with a very young baby and 3 kids who - at the end of the day - aren’t even his.

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 06/08/2025 14:29

I can just imagine the thread if a poster posted here that her DH was going on holiday and leaving her with a three month old and his three children.

Yeah, that would go down well I’m sure. Not.

YABU to go on holiday and leave such a young baby with anyone And especially for expecting your DH to be responsible for your children.

youreactinglikeafunmum · 06/08/2025 14:30

JMSA · 06/08/2025 14:28

I don’t think he’s being unreasonable in not wanting to do it 😬 Sorry OP. I’m usually the first to champion mothers having a break and some time to themselves. It’s so incredibly important.
But this is a massive ask, with a very young baby and 3 kids who - at the end of the day - aren’t even his.

Oh I misread the post! I thought that the three kids were his 😅

Op, yabu, ofc he cant look after 4 kids while you go away. He will need support

I wouldnt leave the kids to go on holiday 3 months post partum. I'd cancel the holiday x

Shamesame · 06/08/2025 14:31

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 06/08/2025 14:29

I can just imagine the thread if a poster posted here that her DH was going on holiday and leaving her with a three month old and his three children.

Yeah, that would go down well I’m sure. Not.

YABU to go on holiday and leave such a young baby with anyone And especially for expecting your DH to be responsible for your children.

I agree with this unfortunately, it feels like a really big ask of either him or your mum and I know personally there would be no way I could have gone on holiday and left my 3 month old baby for a week, but everyone’s tolerances are different

Uberella · 06/08/2025 14:32

I’d say him wanting someone else to take care of the 3 children that aren’t his isn’t that unusual but the youngest will be his responsibility;the baby is also his child therefore his joint responsibility.

My friend has ended up with a man who won’t parent their 9 year old alone meaning my friend has no social life or alone time which is miserable for her.

Mrsttcno1 · 06/08/2025 14:37

JMSA · 06/08/2025 14:28

I don’t think he’s being unreasonable in not wanting to do it 😬 Sorry OP. I’m usually the first to champion mothers having a break and some time to themselves. It’s so incredibly important.
But this is a massive ask, with a very young baby and 3 kids who - at the end of the day - aren’t even his.

Totally this.

You also don’t have any moral high ground OP given you’ve got a holiday planned without the kids- of which you will have 4 including a newborn- 3 months after your due date.

nam3c4ang3 · 06/08/2025 14:38

But YOU are leaving?

AugustSlippedAwayInto · 06/08/2025 14:40

So hang on.

you have four children, but this is his first child? And you want to leave the three that aren’t his with him?

yeah, no. Sort your own childcare.

Helpmeplease2025 · 06/08/2025 14:40

Why are you going on holiday without your family with a new baby?

If you do this, it’s up to him how he organises child care in your absence. You can’t control both.

BengalBangle · 06/08/2025 14:41

I think it's really unfair to take a week long holiday when you have a 3 month old.
I'm all for parents having their own time, but this feels really selfish.

Original poster

mummymanic · 06/08/2025 14:41

My issue is not that he won’t look after the 3 older children, it is the baby. Which is his. It was me who gave the option of them going to my Mum’s as that is the norm and she is happy to do it.

The problem I am having is that he won’t take care of his own child and thinks that it is okay to give them to his/my Mum also at only a few months old. His excuse was work, even though I am asking almost a year in advance.

OP posts:

TomatoSandwiches · 06/08/2025 14:41

Yabu

Helpmeplease2025 · 06/08/2025 14:42

Also, aren’t you about 5 minutes pregnant?

VaseofViolets · 06/08/2025 14:42

“He won’t want to take care of the child/ren when I want some “me time” and he’ll fob them off”

But that’s exactly what you’re doing, fobbing them off. And he’s not even the father of three of them! I don’t think he’s being unreasonable at all.

Avoidhumans · 06/08/2025 14:43

3 kids that are not his you want him to take care of them while you go on holiday.
Where is the dad if hes not around.
The new born is his responsibility but i couldnt go away and leave a new born.
Im with him on the this (kind of) i wouldnt want to take care of another mans kids while my partners on holiday.
You had 3 kids before him planned a holiday for just you and having number 4.
You sort your own kids child care you cant live a single fee life with 4 kids.

Original poster

mummymanic · 06/08/2025 14:43

AugustSlippedAwayInto · 06/08/2025 14:40

So hang on.

you have four children, but this is his first child? And you want to leave the three that aren’t his with him?

yeah, no. Sort your own childcare.

no. read the update.

OP posts:

Bardolian · 06/08/2025 14:43

'Me time" when you have young kids is a few hours in a restaurant or a couple of hours at the gym. Maybe the odd night away when they're a bit older. I think you've got this wrong tbh.

Mrsttcno1 · 06/08/2025 14:43

mummymanic · 06/08/2025 14:41

My issue is not that he won’t look after the 3 older children, it is the baby. Which is his. It was me who gave the option of them going to my Mum’s as that is the norm and she is happy to do it.

The problem I am having is that he won’t take care of his own child and thinks that it is okay to give them to his/my Mum also at only a few months old. His excuse was work, even though I am asking almost a year in advance.

But… you also think it’s okay to leave your child to go on holiday at only a few months old.

AugustSlippedAwayInto · 06/08/2025 14:44

mummymanic · 06/08/2025 14:41

My issue is not that he won’t look after the 3 older children, it is the baby. Which is his. It was me who gave the option of them going to my Mum’s as that is the norm and she is happy to do it.

The problem I am having is that he won’t take care of his own child and thinks that it is okay to give them to his/my Mum also at only a few months old. His excuse was work, even though I am asking almost a year in advance.

Did you speak with him about this holiday and the annual leave before booking it?

Helpmeplease2025 · 06/08/2025 14:44

Also lol at a single, childfree holiday with 4 kids including a 3 month old, referred to as ‘me time’.

I really need to take a leaf out of your book, OP.

Saltandpepperlife · 06/08/2025 14:45

You have booked a holiday and ‘fobbed’ 3 kids that are not his to your own mums but are annoyed that he has said you might as well send the baby as well so he can work?

Who are you going on holiday with?

LikeABat · 06/08/2025 14:45

Cancel the holiday or take baby with you.