OH wants to give 3 months old to his mothers for a week

[mummymanic]

Hi all,

im due to have DC4 in March and I’ve got a holiday booked for end of June. I’ve asked OH if he would be okay with all 4 kids and he said “send them to your mums” in questioned him and said “even the baby?” to which he agreed.

this will be our 1st child together. AIBU to think that this is what it’ll be like moving forward and that he won’t want to take care of the child/ren when I want some “me time” and he’ll fob them off to either of our parents? He thinks it’s normal because his nephew spends majority of the week at his mum’s and I keep explaining to him that it’s really not the norm and a newborn should be at home with parents.

trying not to stress about it but it’s really upset me. considering bringing the baby with me abroad but dunno how I’ll manage (also not told anybody im travelling with yet).

When you become a mother everything changes you are not first on the list YOUR kids are and will be for a very long time.
Dont like the sentence dont open your legs.

I think it would be unreasonable to expect him to take a week off work when he could get his mother to help out with minding the baby and she doesn't mind doing that. What's the issue with that?

@mummymanicdid you discuss this with him or just decide you were going?

I’d bow out of the holiday. You can go the following year instead surely? Not sure if your insurance would cover this.

I am not sure why he should be expected to look after your DC @mummymanic
His own is a different matter .

I do not think you should be considering going abroad and leaving your 12 week old. If you have to be separated due to family or medical emergency, that’s one thing and you have to deal with that the best you can. For a holiday? No, get real. Your baby needs you.

”Parenthood is not jail”, but yet you expect it to be for your partner? He has to look after your baby, but you don’t have to? Strange logic.

”Me time” with a 3 month old is a trip to the spa or a meal out, not a holiday abroad.

You have decided to go away, did he get a choice? He has every right to not want to care for children who aren’t his - can’t their father watch them? As for your joint child, I would not be leaving a 3 month old for a week

Both of you are being completely bonkers for not wanting to look after your own 3 month old baby. It's good you've found each other I guess given the level of crazy.

Im puzzled why you have a 4th. When you have dc you have responsibilities you can't come and go as you please. It doesn't say alot for you as a mother leaving for a week a 3 month old infant that is dependant on its mother. You and your dp sound as bad as each other. I feel sorry for your children. Beyond selfish behaviour.

This is confusing, you're upset that your partner who is stepdad to your existing 3 kids and Dad to your baby due in March would prefer that someone else would look after your forthcoming baby when baby is 3 months old? Has he ever cared for an infant before? Sometimes it takes Dads until the baby is born to bond with them, this baby may feel very hypothetical to him right now

My baby is 3 months old and neither me nor her Dad would leave the other to solo parent for a week at this stage as she's still quite full on and we take care of her as a team.

But you’re happy to fob 3 kids off with your mum but are not happy that he wants to take advantage of it as well. Double standards.

Where is the 3 kids dad?

In the time it’s taken me to read all of these responses, me and OH have actually come to an agreement which works well for us both. And probably shock to you all, he has requested the time off work to have all 4 children home. Whether or not I decide to bring baby with me, will be arranged at a later date.

I appreciate all of your opinions honestly but it is very clear that you all live a very different life to me. We both travel with and without the children and I will continue to do so. I am travelling abroad with members of my family in June and will be travelling again in July with us all. Just as he has holidays planned a year+ in advance without us. Being a parent to 1 or 10 does not mean missing out on things that you enjoy doing.

I hope one day you can all get as much freedom as I can and enjoy your “me time” outside of a bubble bath.

I think my hormones must be raging for me to post in this thread and I’ve learned my lesson to never do it again after this. I’ll stick to the friendly ones ✌🏾

Your poor mum as well. She has done her bit and probably just doesn’t need this.

Why do you have to go on this trip anyway?

Is it a wedding by any chance?

No kids allowed presumably

Well you have to get that child benefit somehow.

So what it boils down to is that the pair of you are too selfish to put the needs of a three month old baby first.

@mummymanic Great update and glad you worked it out.

Not really sure why you are getting all these responses tbh...

I would rather look after my kids then fob them off for ‘freedom’ and ‘me time’ thanks👍🏼

Did he look after the current 3 dc?

I agree with this

Op has changed her story already i take it the truth bites.

I'd struggle to leave my 12 yr old for a week, never mind a 3 month old.

Same

Some people shouldn't have kids if they leave them when they are 3 months old. You don't like the responses because people are mortified by your sheer selfishness and your need to put yourself above the needs of your children.