OH wants to give 3 months old to his mothers for a week

[mummymanic]

Hi all,

im due to have DC4 in March and I’ve got a holiday booked for end of June. I’ve asked OH if he would be okay with all 4 kids and he said “send them to your mums” in questioned him and said “even the baby?” to which he agreed.

this will be our 1st child together. AIBU to think that this is what it’ll be like moving forward and that he won’t want to take care of the child/ren when I want some “me time” and he’ll fob them off to either of our parents? He thinks it’s normal because his nephew spends majority of the week at his mum’s and I keep explaining to him that it’s really not the norm and a newborn should be at home with parents.

trying not to stress about it but it’s really upset me. considering bringing the baby with me abroad but dunno how I’ll manage (also not told anybody im travelling with yet).

This is a peculiar thread. I wonder if the mum (grandma) is really happy to be free childcare for so many kids and so often. Poor woman. Of course she’d never say she wasn’t. Imagining her thinking oh ffs, now she’s leaving me with her 3 month old.

Are you asking him to give up a week of his annual leave so you can go on holiday? I’d completely rethink this. It’s not a reasonable ask.

JustsawJohnny isn't saying she wants a break from her 12 year old - it's the opposite - she wouldn't want to be away from them for a week. And yes, it is a shame that's a feeling you can't relate to.

No chance id leave a 3 month old for a holiday .... priorities are all wrong 🫠

I really don't understand the OP at all. When my dc were that age I wouldn't have left them for a week for anything voluntarily. It has nothing to do with lack of freedom, it would have been my choice.
Yes, it's nice to get a bit of a break now and then but this is extreme.

Was the holiday booked before you found out you were pregnant? I think a week is far too long to leave a 3 month old and would cancel the holiday. If money will be lost, I'd just write it off as I'd rather be there with my baby. One, possibly two nights might be different.

With regards to DP, can't blame him for not offering to look after your kids but he 100% should be looking after baby. If he's working MIL or DM might support in the day but otherwise he's the parent. It sounds like this is a sign of things to come but too late now.

I'd be furious if my DH was to leave me at three months PP with 4 kids for a week though so it might just be annoyed that you're going away!

This! Who leaves a baby that young for a week??

Poor kids.

It’s a Hen Do isn’t it?

I'm out of step with other posters. I think a Dad looking after a baby for a week seems fine. Its not like she's dropped the baby off with a random person - he's the baby's parent.

When? They aren't his

I feel sorry for the Dad being dismissed as a shit Dad because he said he'd prefer someone else to look after a baby that's not even due for another 7 months. If someone asked me at 2 or 3 months pregnant how I'd feel about a week on my own with my baby in 10 months time, I don't think I could give an accurate prediction either.

Absolutely this. OP can waffle on all she likes about lifestyle and different approaches, but separation at such a young age is not good for this baby.

It’s ridiculous that you came on here to question or criticise your partner OP, because as you fully admit..this is the parenting ethos in your family, and you both pick up on what’s deemed acceptable from each other.

Did you leave the others when they were tiny? I wonder how you’ll feel about it when it comes to actually leaving the baby? I’m all for parents having a break, I just think you might not want to leave her/him ultimately.

And probably shock to you all, he has requested the time off work to have all 4 children home.

Oh I'm sure he has. Changed his mind just like that, completely normal.

Actually I... what's that? Oh I'm terribly sorry op, the King just called, he and Madonna decided they simply must try my crumble, got to dash.

Well you’ll just have to hope your fourth child isn’t severely disabled because if it is then your freedom is over. Multiple hospital visits and awake all night will put a stop to other people stepping in to look after the child.

Mummymanic as a username? You don't sound like a very manic mummy to me.

Being a parent usually does mean not doing some things you enjoy. I don’t see that as a big sacrifice, but I don’t expect to do everything I want.

A week is a long time. This year I left my 13 and 16 year old for a week. It honestly felt too long and i won’t be repeating for another couple of years.

I do and have left mine, for both holidays and work since they were young - from around 10 months and 2-3 nights at most

At 12 weeks old going for a weeks child free holiday would not have felt like freedom to me, it would have been torture!

Yeah, I don't get it, OP. At 3 months I took him everywhere I went.

Even though he was a difficult baby, I could not have left him for a week - it would have gone against all my instincts. That's not prison, that's natural - the result of hormones and thousands of years of evolution. I'm not a seahorse, so leaving baby with Dad for me to disappear off for a week would have felt wrong and horrible.

I'm sure there are people who do it for very good reasons that luckily didn't happen to me. A holiday on my own would not have been a good enough reason for me.

I think it’s wild you have 4 kids and want to leave 3 with your Mum.

Where’s the dad to the older 3, why can’t he care for them? How old are they?

I think leaving 3 children plus a baby is a huge ask for a new dad. I can see why you’re saying you’d leave the baby with Dad, but not all 3. That’s totally unfair.

“ I am travelling abroad with members of my family in June and will be travelling again in July with us all”.

Wait, so your own family don’t want you to bring your baby? That they are also related to?
You all sound lovely 🤣

And the other three???

@NeelyOHara or her older children?

This was my parents' attitude when I was growing up, too. Funnily enough we aren't close.