OH wants to give 3 months old to his mothers for a week

[mummymanic]

Hi all,

im due to have DC4 in March and I’ve got a holiday booked for end of June. I’ve asked OH if he would be okay with all 4 kids and he said “send them to your mums” in questioned him and said “even the baby?” to which he agreed.

this will be our 1st child together. AIBU to think that this is what it’ll be like moving forward and that he won’t want to take care of the child/ren when I want some “me time” and he’ll fob them off to either of our parents? He thinks it’s normal because his nephew spends majority of the week at his mum’s and I keep explaining to him that it’s really not the norm and a newborn should be at home with parents.

trying not to stress about it but it’s really upset me. considering bringing the baby with me abroad but dunno how I’ll manage (also not told anybody im travelling with yet).

3-month old's are very portable. Why don't you just take it with you?

I took my eldest to Spain at 4 months and Australia at 6 months. Would not have considered leaving her alone at that stage. It was far easier to have her with me.

OP needs to let her hair down. Just because the baby will be sad and confused and won't yet see itself as a separate entity from her, fun booze and late nights come first!

How are you going to pump enough milk for a week? I would have struggled to build such a big stash of breastmilk by 3 months and I have a lot of experience pumping and going back to work early.

This obviously isn’t your first rodeo.

Asking DH to look after 3 kids plus his 12 week old alone for a week is daunting even if you don’t think it is. He is going to be a new parent. If the shoe was on the other foot I’d also argue that a man leaving his new mum wife at home with a newborn so he can go on holiday is daunting.

There is nothing wrong with you time and I’m sure DH will be fine with baby for an evening or day time but expecting a whole week is a bit much.

I can’t judge how other mums live their lives or parent but I am also don’t know how you can leave a baby alone for a week that young. I’d never be able to enjoy myself. What if baby is late? What if you have had a c section or have a longer recovery?

Cancel the holiday

Christ there’s no way I’d have left DS for a night when he was 3 months I still haven’t at 14 months, not because it’s prison but because I don’t want to. Each to their own though.

The biggest question for me is what exactly you ‘won’t manage’ about taking a 3 month old away with you and your family members? If this was a first child then I get it, you wouldn’t be able to predict what having a 3 month old is like, but this is your 4th rodeo, you must be doing it with your eyes shut at this point?

I guess if you think friendly threads are synonymous with ones that agree with you then, yes, stick to those.

I’ll be honest - if you can’t leave a 12 year old for a week then that’s a bit crap! Obviously very different to a three month old. But come on.

You’ve made a slight assumption here. Deliberately so to make her feel guilty I would
wager.

This.
People who don't understand that is their life, thank goodness we aren't all the same.

I have a 12 year old and wouldn't want to leave him for a week. If I am going on holiday he is coming with me because I love him and time together is precious. There is plenty of time to go away without him in a few years when he doesn't want to come with me.

Considering this is for next year your very confident that nothing will go wrong with the birth, the baby or you

You've never heard of formula?

Are going to their grandmothers house.

Not really the norm to have a baby, then go on a foreign holiday 2/3 months later.

I think most women would cancel the holiday. Tell your friends now and that’s giving them 10months notice.

OP: "The problem I am having is that he won’t take care of his own child"
Surely the problem you are having is that you won't take care of your own baby? Cancel the holiday, for goodness sake! You need to be available for your very young infant, just as much as the father does.

I personally dont think you should be doing it, but you do you mate.

Well, vast majority of women in the UK plan to breastfeed. So when planning on leaving a 3 month old for any significant amount of time, that's quite a big thing to have to plan. I myself had to go back to work quite soon after my baby, it can be done, I don't judge anyone who has to leave a baby with someone they trust.

Given how much work pumping is, the first thing that popped into my head was how hard it would be to pump enough milk for a week's worth.

Of course, maybe she has already decided not to breastfeed for mental health reasons which is entirely her right.

That’s fine - each to their own. I have three kids (who I also love) and I do leave them to go away. They don’t seem to suffer any permanent (or even temporary!) damage and we have plenty of holidays together. They also have a super close relationship with my sister who looks after them (when I go with my husband), which is lovely.

I wouldn’t leave a three month old though. But my second was left at 10 months - no adverse affects!

ETA surely it’s between her and her partner (re the baby) if he’s happy to look after baby then any not. It’s his child too. The same would work the other way - if he was going away and she was fine with it then ok!

I would encourage you to take the baby. Unless your husband is going to be the main carer in the first three months at home as well, it feels mean to leave the baby suddenly and also, unnecessary. Traveling with a 3-month-old is very easy and apart from clubbing maybe (arrange a babysitter through the hotel or through whoever you are staying with) there is almost nothing you can't take them to at that age. I used my maternity leaves to travel all over the place for that reason. And you are an experienced mum so would surely be fine.

To be honest, I can relate to the OP more than this 😆
I’d like to think there’s a happy medium between you two!

I love when mums do this “I love my son and he’s precious to me so I don’t leave him”

Basically trying to say that if you dare do something for yourself then you don’t love your child as much

Peoples responses are quite harsh here and that's sad to see, but the reality is 3 months old is a very young age to be away for a week's holiday.

Clearly if she is making plans to go away when baby is three months she isn’t. It’s not her first - she’ll know what she’s doing re feeding. As you say, pumping is a pain in the backside and doesn’t always work well so I imagine she will be formula feeding. Which is up to her.

You're pretty good at trolling op, doing it right is a dying art 👏

Can you imagine the comments if it was a poster saying their partner wants to go away and leave them with a three month old (their first child) and three step children? I can’t believe people are skipping over this.