OH wants to give 3 months old to his mothers for a week

[mummymanic]

Hi all,

im due to have DC4 in March and I’ve got a holiday booked for end of June. I’ve asked OH if he would be okay with all 4 kids and he said “send them to your mums” in questioned him and said “even the baby?” to which he agreed.

this will be our 1st child together. AIBU to think that this is what it’ll be like moving forward and that he won’t want to take care of the child/ren when I want some “me time” and he’ll fob them off to either of our parents? He thinks it’s normal because his nephew spends majority of the week at his mum’s and I keep explaining to him that it’s really not the norm and a newborn should be at home with parents.

trying not to stress about it but it’s really upset me. considering bringing the baby with me abroad but dunno how I’ll manage (also not told anybody im travelling with yet).

But your not taking care of them either you want a child free holiday and want others to care for your kids.
Sorry op grow up he needs to take care of his kid as you need to take care of your kids as well.
Talk about him fobbing them off your doing the same.

Whole thing is mad.

You’re not taking care of your own child either. You’re going on holiday. So you think it’s okay to leave them when they’re a few months old, and then get pious about how young/little they are when he decides he could have a break too and ask someone to take care of them for a week? It’s no different to what you’re doing.

The update doesn’t change much. You don’t want him to ‘fob off’ the baby to his mum, but you’ve fobbed off your other three to your mum, and that’s the norm.

for ‘me time’

A year in advance you are planning to leave your 12 week old for a week and dad can’t be bothered to care for his child.

neither of you sound ready to actually have this child.

I’ve read it.

did you discuss this with him before you booked it?

as im not the organiser of the trip, it can’t be moved

Wtf.

So your Mum is taking your 3 as presumably their father can't/won't and you expect your OH to take your joint baby?
I probably wouldn't leave a 3 month old and I think that you have to accept that if your have 4 kids you won't be getting a lot of "me time" ever

TL:DR - it’s his first baby so he should be clearing his diary and prioritising the baby, yes take time
off work if that’s needed.

It’s my fourth though, so I’m off for a week, byeeeee!!!

Then you probably can't go.

Poor baby being left for a week at 3 months old as neither parent can fit it in their plans.

Yes, he's awful, he clearly thinks the baby is your responsibility, what kind of a father thinks it's ok to outsource childcare of a young baby to a non parent for a week rather than stepping up to act like a parent. But equally I can't imagine many mothers leaving a 3 month old for a week unless some kind of emergency.

No one with 4 kids or a newborn can expect me time to that extent when the children are so young or dealing with massive changes in their lives. That's why we are lucky to have choices. Your poor mother also having to deal with your children because you need me time and your partner is useless.

Hope this isn't real tbh.

Neither of you sound as though you should be taking care of children. Foisting them onto other people while you have your ‘me time’ is the height of selfishness. Why do people like this even have children when they want others to take over the childcare for them? It’s not your mother’s responsibility to take care of the children you chose to have.

Your three kids have a new stepdad and a new sibling and you’re palming them off onto grandparents so you can have a week away?

Yes, your partner should step up as far as the baby is concerned but it seems a bit crap to be leaving your older three right when they would probably really value some one-to-one time with you so they don’t feel pushed out by the new baby.

It would have had to be the trip of a lifetime for me to consider booking a holiday 3 months after I had my daughter. I don’t think my husband would have been happy having to look after a baby on his own as a first time father for a week either. Neither of us had a clue what we were doing at that point and it was very much a 2 person job given how little sleep we were all getting, and with him back working full time.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with a parent, even a mother, leaving a newborn with the other parent whilst they take a trip away, but if it means having to take time off work for both, I can see that being a little annoying for whoever is left behind.

This isn’t necessarily about him not wanting to be a hands on parent, as it is a big ask, but it would be worth having the conversation about how you both see yourselves parenting the new baby as it will be different to how you deal with the kids who aren’t his. He might well think it’s the same deal and you need to put paid to that.

You could say sorry guys i cant do this year im a mother of 4.

I don't understand a parent who books holidays without their children ....I take it you've already taken them away a few times this year.....me time is an evening out, a haircut or spa day if your lucky and hour in the bath with ear plugs if your not.

yes. because I can. parenthood is not jail.

Shark jumping initiated.

Oh give over. It takes a village. There isn’t anything selfish about having time away from your kids.

Again, wonder why you even wanted children…

This is similar set up to my NDNs...she has three kids to a previous partner and one to the current partner. Why not just focus on the three you've got? Why bring another into the world?

The father apparently isn’t allowed to use the village though.

FFS. You're being hypocritical. Why is it ok for you to leave your baby, but it's not ok for him to do the same?
You've updated several times but not explained this basic question.

As long as it’s not the father taking the time away though, OP doesn’t like that idea.