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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scolding DS's accident

236 replies

ellie09 · 05/08/2025 21:51

Hi all

My DP moved in with me, DS (8 year old) and my dog about 2 months ago now with his 2 cats. We knew it was going to be an adjustment period as far as the pets were concerned.

At the moment, we have the dog downstairs and cats upstairs. We are slowly introducing them and they are now at the point where they can be about a metre away from each other with supervision and remain calm in each others company. We still keep them separated when we are working etc and unable to supervise, so the door downstairs remains closed.

Today, DS accidentally left the door open a little, which resulted in the dog running up the stairs. No big deal, I just ran up and got dog back downstairs.

However, DP seems to have taken it a bit too far (in my eyes). He immediately scolded DS and gave him silent treatment, stomped around the house sulking that all the work put in with the pets is now a waste as the cats will be scared etc etc.

I told DP that it wasn't a big deal, it was an accident and to just forget it, to which he said "oh I'm sure it wasnt an accident". At this point, I told him he was taking it too fad now, and gave him silent treatment back the same way he feels its ok to give DS.

AIBU or is his reaction unreasonable?

I cant stand by scolding and punishing DS for an accident and something that didnt cause any harm etc.

OP posts:
PolyVagalNerve · 05/08/2025 21:54

2 months in and he is scolding …

poor kid

nip this in the bud now, and he can’t accept he’s crossed a line, then throw him out - protect your kid,

KatyaKat · 05/08/2025 21:54

I would be having a very firm talk with him about what's acceptable, in terms of how he treats your child, assuming everything is normally good. And no more chances - if he does it again, he and his cats should move straight back out, and the relationship terminated.

TheOccupier · 05/08/2025 21:55

It would be in the best interests of both your DS and your boyfriend's cats if he moved back out ASAP.

e45crem · 05/08/2025 21:55

Get him out of there and protect yourself and your child.

RCJJ · 05/08/2025 21:57

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Original poster
ellie09 · 05/08/2025 21:58

KatyaKat · 05/08/2025 21:54

I would be having a very firm talk with him about what's acceptable, in terms of how he treats your child, assuming everything is normally good. And no more chances - if he does it again, he and his cats should move straight back out, and the relationship terminated.

DS already has a list of rules to follow to get his pocket money - and strikes if he misbehaves. DP is aware of these and has always followed them, but this seems to be the only time it hasn't been followed.

I am trying to keep an open mind, that he has not lived with a child before, and telling him kids do silly things by accident all the time, but not sure if what I am saying is registering.

Will be having a firm chat with him in the morning, thats for sure.

OP posts:
ooooohlala · 05/08/2025 21:58

Have a proper think… does living with this man make your son’s life better or worse?

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:00

How long have you been with bf?

I get why he scolded, your son did wrong and maybe you don’t know the cats as well as your DP- maybe they’re terrified of dogs/ have been attacked before and still need introduced slowly. If your son lets the dog bound upstairs and he sees the cats this is not being introduced slowly.

but I think he should probably move out.

LoveMyLifeAlways · 05/08/2025 22:00

Your poor son

Campingisnexttogodliness · 05/08/2025 22:00

Tell him you are happy being a lone parent. He has no right to punish your ds..
We are 13 years in and my dh leaves the parenting of my dc to me..

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:02

ellie09 · 05/08/2025 21:58

DS already has a list of rules to follow to get his pocket money - and strikes if he misbehaves. DP is aware of these and has always followed them, but this seems to be the only time it hasn't been followed.

I am trying to keep an open mind, that he has not lived with a child before, and telling him kids do silly things by accident all the time, but not sure if what I am saying is registering.

Will be having a firm chat with him in the morning, thats for sure.

Show quote history

If son Mis behaved like this would you scold him?

if so, it’s fair DP does that as it’s now his house too.

how long have you been together? How long has son known him

BetweenTwoFerns · 05/08/2025 22:02

ooooohlala · 05/08/2025 21:58

Have a proper think… does living with this man make your son’s life better or worse?

Yes.

You have made a mistake.

Londonrach1 · 05/08/2025 22:02

Dp and cats move out. Your poor ds. Protect your child op.

Shitwithsugar · 05/08/2025 22:03

Are you that desperate for a man you are prepared to make your child's life hell.

HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 05/08/2025 22:03

God I absolutely wouldn't have that. Fuck that! You have no children and know nothing about them, so NO, you don't get to throw your weight around with my son.

Scolding, silent treatment, stomping around and sulking?? Seriously, why hasn't he been sent packing?

Original poster
ellie09 · 05/08/2025 22:04

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:02

If son Mis behaved like this would you scold him?

if so, it’s fair DP does that as it’s now his house too.

how long have you been together? How long has son known him

Show quote history

I probably would have told him to be more careful - but probably not dwelled on it as much as DP.

Have been with DP 3 years and DS has known him for around 2.5 years or so now.

OP posts:
TheSaddestSong · 05/08/2025 22:06

Get rid of any bloke that sulks and gives the silent treatment. He won’t make you happy and will damage your child. I wouldn't want him near my animals either.

GoldPoster · 05/08/2025 22:06

DP moves out, it’s as simple as that. It’s going to be horrible for your son if he doesn’t.

Sparklesandbananas · 05/08/2025 22:06

2 months in and he’s scolding your son for something that was likely a mistake and a list of rules implemented by him to receive pocket money…..this man wouldn’t have even got past telling my kids his rules for pocket money. Acting like a man child as well. Get rid of him and think about your son. The poor child has even gone along with the rules. Your poor dogs home has also been invaded by this guy. Get rid of him!

e45crem · 05/08/2025 22:07

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:02

If son Mis behaved like this would you scold him?

if so, it’s fair DP does that as it’s now his house too.

how long have you been together? How long has son known him

Show quote history

Do you really think sulking, giving an 8 year old silent treatment and stomping about the place moaning on about how all the work put in with the pest is a waste is an appropriate way to ‘scold’ someone?

This is classic entry level abuse and OP needs to get him to fuck out of her house, her life and her child’s life. He has been there 2 small months and this nasty behaviour will absolutely escalate.

79Beastie · 05/08/2025 22:08

Well if he is scolding him like that now for an accident after 2 months then imagine what he will do to your poor son in a years time if he made another mistake. Sorry but id be telling him to pack up and leave and take his cats with him. Your poor son does not deserve that. Oh and just a thought but think about your poor dog too. Id be worried about what he would do to the dog too when you're not around.

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:09

ellie09 · 05/08/2025 22:04

I probably would have told him to be more careful - but probably not dwelled on it as much as DP.

Have been with DP 3 years and DS has known him for around 2.5 years or so now.

Show quote history

I see, so he’s more a stepdad type figure than just “mums new boyfriend”

I do think if you all live together he has the right to scold him rather than let him get away with things that are wrong, however any punishment (grounding, ban tv) should be down to you, and I think silent treatment is a bit childish. He should explain to your son why what he did was wrong etc.

maybe worth having a word about how he addresses your son about what he’s done, however I don’t get people here who think he should let your son get away with everything just because he’s not his bio child

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:10

Sparklesandbananas · 05/08/2025 22:06

2 months in and he’s scolding your son for something that was likely a mistake and a list of rules implemented by him to receive pocket money…..this man wouldn’t have even got past telling my kids his rules for pocket money. Acting like a man child as well. Get rid of him and think about your son. The poor child has even gone along with the rules. Your poor dogs home has also been invaded by this guy. Get rid of him!

I don’t think it was a mistake if son has been told the animals need to be introduced gently. An 8 year old knows right from wrong, he’s not a toddler.

thenightsky · 05/08/2025 22:12

He's using sulking and silent treatment on an 8 year old? Sling him out.

Dolphinosep0tatoes · 05/08/2025 22:12

I would be telling him that's his one and only strike.

Any more of that sort of behaviour (including sulking & silent treatment generally) towards your son and he's out. No second chances.