Scolding DS's accident

[ellie09]

Hi all

My DP moved in with me, DS (8 year old) and my dog about 2 months ago now with his 2 cats. We knew it was going to be an adjustment period as far as the pets were concerned.

At the moment, we have the dog downstairs and cats upstairs. We are slowly introducing them and they are now at the point where they can be about a metre away from each other with supervision and remain calm in each others company. We still keep them separated when we are working etc and unable to supervise, so the door downstairs remains closed.

Today, DS accidentally left the door open a little, which resulted in the dog running up the stairs. No big deal, I just ran up and got dog back downstairs.

However, DP seems to have taken it a bit too far (in my eyes). He immediately scolded DS and gave him silent treatment, stomped around the house sulking that all the work put in with the pets is now a waste as the cats will be scared etc etc.

I told DP that it wasn't a big deal, it was an accident and to just forget it, to which he said "oh I'm sure it wasnt an accident". At this point, I told him he was taking it too fad now, and gave him silent treatment back the same way he feels its ok to give DS.

AIBU or is his reaction unreasonable?

I cant stand by scolding and punishing DS for an accident and something that didnt cause any harm etc.

The solution was not to move him and the animals in in the first place. The poor cats, it must be so stressful for them and of course it’s going to be hard for a kid to always remember to keep the dog contained when it’s never been before. We got a new rescue cat after our previous cat died and we had to keep her in for the first month while she settled in - it’s was hard to always remember and we had a few incidents where she escaped. And we are adults.

As for using the silent treatment on a wee boy for being forgetful… words fail me. And then your response is to do the silent treatment on him creating a worse atmosphere - how does that help your son? Prioritise your child and move the boyfriend and his cats out before things get any worse.

You say you knew there would be an adjustment period for the pets, but not the child. How has he been considered in all of this?

The child seems to be at the bottom of the list of priorities.

If OP has already written about this man previously then this should be the last straw.

But it very likely won't be.

It is the silent treatment that would worry me. That just isn’t a reasonable adult response to a child making a legitimate mistake. It is bullying. Your DS has lived his eight years where presumably leaving a door open didn’t matter, it is inevitable he’ll sometimes forget. He is 8 and being bullied by the man you have brought into his home. If, after a conversation DH doesn’t see the issue with this, I’d be rehoming “DH” never mind his cats.

This, to be honest. Nearly everyone on the thread (except for one strange outlier) have told OP to move him out.

She won’t though because if her child was really her priority she wouldn’t have moved him in in the first place.

I can’t express much I despise these people who prioritise their relationships over their children.

PS children are most likely to suffer abuse in the home at the hands of an unrelated male.

Yes, it infuriates me too. Going on and on about how they looooove their children, they're the whole world to them, they'd never do anything to hurt them, and then subjecting them to this sort of man in their own home that should be their safe space.

(Not necessarily you, @ellie09. You still have a chance to put it right for your son)

It seems that the OP is giving us the silent treatment

6 years in and my DH parents his children completely. I am friendly, polite, take an interest in step son (and older step daughter). I have conversations about the parenting when it could affect me in private with their father. I stay in my lane. Your partner should not be “parenting” your son like this. He has no experience, right etc.

Totally. This is the only country in the world that seems to value animals over children. its evidenced everywhere including are justice system - look at the pitiful jail sentences child abusers get 😡

But people will demand whole life sentences if a person harms a animal. 🙄

children must always come before animals

You are setting impossibly high standards for yourselves to always behave perfectly and never forget to shut gates and doors. You are all only human and there will be a time there's someone at the door, you rush to answer a phone ringing etc when you will forget. If your dog and his cats cannot be around each other then something has to change. It isn't fair to expect your son to never make a mistake when you have chosen to throw incompatible animals in together under one roof. Assuming you don't think he let the dog out on purpose, he shouldn't have been punished at all.

OP please put your son first. Silent treatment is inappropriate.

I agree with previous posters, some women really do prioritise a random dick over their own children’s well being. Don’t be that parent.

"However, DP seems to have taken it a bit too far (in my eyes). He immediately scolded DS and gave him silent treatment, stomped around the house sulking that all the work put in with the pets is now a waste as the cats will be scared etc etc."
Silent treatment, stomping, sulking - really?

It's been two months. It's not working. I would tell DP he needs to move back out ASAP.

They almost always are in ‘blended families’.

Jesus. Why are you doing this to your child?

This isn't working-your poor son.

Why do some people put their sex lives and own convenience ahead of everything else :(

I don't think it's sex. It's a need for companionship and/or someone to help shoulder financial responsibilities. Understandable to a degree but my god some people really create horrible situations for themselves and their children.

What are you even asking? Be a good mother and send this man back to his home.
how can you accept this?
and bringing more pets into your child’s home and expecting your child to manage the rules around it.

you are the red flag here to your child. Choose your child, not a man.

Another selfish mother, all for her man and her poor child just gets thrown aside.

DP and I talked this morning before DS got up and he said he feels bad, as he over reacted and it was just an accident.

He went and apologised to DS this morning and told DS that he was out of line and that he was very sorry for his behaviour.

I have told DP that this behaviour will not be tolerated any longer and that he is the adult and needs to lead by example.

Just to add, DS already had his rules set in place before DP moved in, so this isnt anything new for DS. I just had to make DP aware of the rules for DS.

This. How dare he?

Your poor son.
Another childhood destroyed because the boyfriend was the priority.

This man, who you chose to move into your home with your little boy:

Gives your eight year old child the silent treatment after scolding him

Stomps around sulking

Told you that if you went back to the weight you were when you had a borderline eating disorder he “wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off” you (when ironically he is obese)

Told you you have “mum boobs”

Said when you were trying to lose weight that he “can wait to see the benefits” and for them to be “firmer” (you broke up with him for this but only briefly unfortunately)

Tells you anyone who went to your uni is “stupid” then admits saying it “to wind you up” as if that’s ok

Went through a phase of messaging “significantly younger” women he had previously dated while with you

Snores so loudly you can hear it from a different floor but won’t do anything about it

Goes back to random drunk women’s houses for takeaways

Your son has ADHD and ASD.

What the actual fuck are you thinking inflicting this man on him? It’s so unbelievably foolish and utterly selfish of you.

Your poor little boy.

Fuck me OP, your bar is so low it’s in the gutter.