Scolding DS's accident

[ellie09]

Hi all

My DP moved in with me, DS (8 year old) and my dog about 2 months ago now with his 2 cats. We knew it was going to be an adjustment period as far as the pets were concerned.

At the moment, we have the dog downstairs and cats upstairs. We are slowly introducing them and they are now at the point where they can be about a metre away from each other with supervision and remain calm in each others company. We still keep them separated when we are working etc and unable to supervise, so the door downstairs remains closed.

Today, DS accidentally left the door open a little, which resulted in the dog running up the stairs. No big deal, I just ran up and got dog back downstairs.

However, DP seems to have taken it a bit too far (in my eyes). He immediately scolded DS and gave him silent treatment, stomped around the house sulking that all the work put in with the pets is now a waste as the cats will be scared etc etc.

I told DP that it wasn't a big deal, it was an accident and to just forget it, to which he said "oh I'm sure it wasnt an accident". At this point, I told him he was taking it too fad now, and gave him silent treatment back the same way he feels its ok to give DS.

AIBU or is his reaction unreasonable?

I cant stand by scolding and punishing DS for an accident and something that didnt cause any harm etc.

@simsbustinoutmimi ha ha that’s not what you meant at all, you’re backpedaling!

You clearly think animals are more important than humans, and a young child who accidentally forgets a new rule deserves to be shouted at then given the silent treatment by a man who has zero right to tell him what to do. I’ve been with my partner for 9 years and he has never disciplined my kids. That’s my job.

What this child did was an accident. What the boyfriend did was deliberate and abusive.

Where did I say he deserved the silent treatment? He deserved to be scolded but no way did he deserve that, I never said that. Both mum and partner are giving examples of them both doing it so aren’t a great example.

you read my post wrong and are just annoyed you got confused. I hope you find peace.

He has ADHD. Or ASD, I can’t remember which. The OP has posted about the pet situation before.

I’m not confused. Everyone on the thread said this man was unreasonable and OP shouldn’t subject her child to this. You were the only one saying that the child should have known better, and the boyfriend had a right to tell him off. You are in the wrong and you probably know it. At least, I hope you do.

I’m not sure what you mean about finding peace because this is a chat forum and I’m just engaging in a group conversation, with no mention of the peacefulness of my life!

I’m actually going to hide this thread now because I find what happened to this child too upsetting. I hope OP takes steps to ensure this never happens again.

OP started another thread about this DP a couple of weeks ago, in which she mentions that her son is autistic. In that one her DP wanted to spend all day gaming, was “complaining” about the child asking questions, and had been resentful about making the child a sandwich while OP worked from home for a few hours.

I don’t think the child forgetting something (that he hasn’t had to do until recently) is the real issue here.

Well she didn’t mention that here so it’s a bit of a drip feed if that’s the case

Also being autistic doesn’t mean you can’t remember not to open or shut doors, I am autistic and never had this issue as an 8 yr old. Being autistic doesn’t mean automatically don’t tell off child for doing something wrong

I wouldn't cope in a house where there are cats upstairs and a dog downstairs and they can only be a metre apart and doors can never be left open for a second. Way too much stress. How can an 8 year old cope with that? Can he even have friends round? Home should be sonewhereto relax Let the man and his cats live separately again.

What are the “rules” he’s imposed for your son to get his pocket money? Why did you go along with that? Did you give your son pocket money prior to the “rules” being brought in by your partner?

Also, has your partner ever been sulky with you and given you the silent treatment? Just wondering if there’s a pattern here?

I’m autistic too, with autistic children. Maturity levels can be a little lower than in neurotypical children at this age - but that’s not the point.

The issue isn’t whether the child did something wrong - he did forget, and he should have been reminded about why it was so important to close the door.

The issue is whether the OPs boyfriend reacted badly. Which he clearly did.

This continued focus on whether the child did something wrong makes it seem like you think a grown man giving the silent treatment, stomping around the house, sulking, and being passive aggressive to a child, was a totally reasonable reaction and the child deserved it. Do you think this was a good way for a grown man to act?

Nope - absolutely not. Your one job in life is to protect your child.

Scolding and ignoring an 8 year old? Not on my watch.

Put your child first, not your partner's animals...

My stepson at that age forgot to shut his bedroom door when we got a new puppy and she shat in his room. I was really annoyed and threw the shit bag angrily out the back door, where it his the wall of the house next door and exploded. That was my lesson in not being a dick about kids being forgetful as I had to clean it up

Your ‘DP’ needs to get out of your house ASAP. Your poor son.

Why did he have to move in andxwhy does your son have to put up with him seems the endless questions of new partners being moved in

This feels really dark. The silent treatment is him asserting alpha status over your son (do as I say or you will be punished with removal of your social privileges in the house).

He doesn’t love your son. Why would you have him damage him.

Your poor son already dealing with huge change, and now being made to feel unwelcome in his own home.

Can his aunt rehouse him?

It's really no big deal. Accidents happen - I have a heavy cat who can jump up on the door handle and open it. Also cats can climb and jump, very high and they have incredible danger awareness. No harm done. No need at all in the silent treatment he's 8 years old!!
I was terrified my cat would get eaten by my neighbours German Shepard and so was my neighbour. She sent me a pic back in June of my cat lying on her dog bed in the garden sunbathing and the dog just lay on the ground next to him, neither bothered by the other. Neither had been socialised with the other breed. They learn and adapt. Your partner is being really cruel!

Did I say that? I already said in previous posts scolding him was fine the silent treatment was not

😆 Quite.

💯

why so many British women move random men into their kids homes? Whats what with you? His own dad wasn’t good enough so he left or you told him to leave.

So why on earth have you moved in a man that’s not even his real dad?

this will get worse. also You don’t know what this man will say or do to you child when you’re not there.

if your that desperate for a man you can see him but don’t need to live with him.

put your child first.

Totally

this will get worse. I have no respect for women who move men into their kids homes. It is so messy and never suits the kids…

Totally. I have several kids ranging in various ages! and even if I chucked out their daft bit loveable dad I would never move a random man in. It is not natural and so messy. Kids don’t want random men in their homes. There mums are selfish or want some kind of “status “ of having a man 🙄

I have a puppy. She’s not allowed upstairs.
Sometimes I forget to shut the stair gate and she goes upstairs.
People forget things. Adults and children.