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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scolding DS's accident

236 replies

ellie09 · 05/08/2025 21:51

Hi all

My DP moved in with me, DS (8 year old) and my dog about 2 months ago now with his 2 cats. We knew it was going to be an adjustment period as far as the pets were concerned.

At the moment, we have the dog downstairs and cats upstairs. We are slowly introducing them and they are now at the point where they can be about a metre away from each other with supervision and remain calm in each others company. We still keep them separated when we are working etc and unable to supervise, so the door downstairs remains closed.

Today, DS accidentally left the door open a little, which resulted in the dog running up the stairs. No big deal, I just ran up and got dog back downstairs.

However, DP seems to have taken it a bit too far (in my eyes). He immediately scolded DS and gave him silent treatment, stomped around the house sulking that all the work put in with the pets is now a waste as the cats will be scared etc etc.

I told DP that it wasn't a big deal, it was an accident and to just forget it, to which he said "oh I'm sure it wasnt an accident". At this point, I told him he was taking it too fad now, and gave him silent treatment back the same way he feels its ok to give DS.

AIBU or is his reaction unreasonable?

I cant stand by scolding and punishing DS for an accident and something that didnt cause any harm etc.

OP posts:
simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:31

stayathomegardener · 05/08/2025 22:30

The pet situation sounds horrendous in itself, why should an 8 year old have to constantly remember to keep doors shut, that would annoy me as an adult.

This guys behaviour towards your son is unacceptable though especially so early on, get rid.

Because they (the adults) chose to live together with animals that don’t get on.

Fleur405 · 05/08/2025 22:32

Giving the silent treatment to an 8 year old who made a small mistake is deeply deeply toxic behaviour. My mum did this a lot and I don’t let her have any unsupervised time with my daughter.

Luddite26 · 05/08/2025 22:34

Oh he sounds like an absolute cock.
This is the start. All down hill now. Horrible prick.

Original poster
ellie09 · 05/08/2025 22:36

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:31

Because they (the adults) chose to live together with animals that don’t get on.

Show quote history

Re. The pet situation. My dog is fine and lived with a cat previously. Albeit she is a bit hyper the first 30 seconds, then calms down.

The issue is that his cats are house cats (have been for two years) and are incredibly timid as used to living with just him. Theyve had no interaction with dogs/outside etc.

DP said he would see how it goes for the first 6 months or so, but if his cats are still as timid/scared, his aunt is willing to rehome them at her house (we are hoping it doesnt come to that, as we obviously both love our pets).

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 05/08/2025 22:36

So he had a right go at your kid, and then gave him the emotionally abusive silent treatment, and that’s after only living there two months?! Red flags.

SaratogaFilly · 05/08/2025 22:36

PolyVagalNerve · 05/08/2025 21:54

2 months in and he is scolding …

poor kid

nip this in the bud now, and he can’t accept he’s crossed a line, then throw him out - protect your kid,

This - no question.

e45crem · 05/08/2025 22:37

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:28

Also, OP has said she also has given silent treatment so neither parent/parental figure is a shining example to him here

No they are not, however this isn’t about examples it’s about not letting a cunty abusive man treat your child badly.

Flissty · 05/08/2025 22:37

Giving a child ‘the silent treatment’ is a massive red flag in my opinion. That’s not an adult way of responding to a child, even if they had intentionally misbehaved- which yours didn’t.

Maray1967 · 05/08/2025 22:38

ooooohlala · 05/08/2025 21:58

Have a proper think… does living with this man make your son’s life better or worse?

This.

Unless he apologises and understands what he has done wrong, boot this bloke out.

BBQBertha · 05/08/2025 22:40

Just get rid, you know what you have to do.

BetweenTwoFerns · 05/08/2025 22:40

ellie09 · 05/08/2025 22:36

Re. The pet situation. My dog is fine and lived with a cat previously. Albeit she is a bit hyper the first 30 seconds, then calms down.

The issue is that his cats are house cats (have been for two years) and are incredibly timid as used to living with just him. Theyve had no interaction with dogs/outside etc.

DP said he would see how it goes for the first 6 months or so, but if his cats are still as timid/scared, his aunt is willing to rehome them at her house (we are hoping it doesnt come to that, as we obviously both love our pets).

Show quote history

It’s remarkable that you are just talking about the hard done by cats!

Campingisnexttogodliness · 05/08/2025 22:41

8 year olds aren't mature enough to be responsible for the safety of a pet. Did your ds have the rules list before the dp came along or did he help you write it?

Vaxtable · 05/08/2025 22:41

I would be telling him to live out as it’s not working

your poor child

SomeOfTheTrouble · 05/08/2025 22:42

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:10

I don’t think it was a mistake if son has been told the animals need to be introduced gently. An 8 year old knows right from wrong, he’s not a toddler.

Show quote history

I’m 40 and I still make mistakes/am occasionally careless. Unless you think he did it on purpose?

Endofyear · 05/08/2025 22:43

I'd give him a warning - if he does this again he can take his cats and fuck off!

Internaut · 05/08/2025 22:44

Men who sulk are incredibly unsexy. Sulking at something a child has done makes it even worse. Tell your DP that he'll be out on his ear if he ever does it again.

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:45

SomeOfTheTrouble · 05/08/2025 22:42

I’m 40 and I still make mistakes/am occasionally careless. Unless you think he did it on purpose?

Show quote history

No I don’t think he did it on purpose.

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:47

ellie09 · 05/08/2025 22:36

Re. The pet situation. My dog is fine and lived with a cat previously. Albeit she is a bit hyper the first 30 seconds, then calms down.

The issue is that his cats are house cats (have been for two years) and are incredibly timid as used to living with just him. Theyve had no interaction with dogs/outside etc.

DP said he would see how it goes for the first 6 months or so, but if his cats are still as timid/scared, his aunt is willing to rehome them at her house (we are hoping it doesnt come to that, as we obviously both love our pets).

Show quote history

Honestly that may be for the best having the cats rehomed, especially if they are timid house cats. Poor things will be having a heart attack especially if the dog ever barks or plays loudly. If his family have them then he can visit. Depending on how old cats are it may be a bit late in the day for them to just like or lump the dog.

I say that as a dog person.

Bobnobob · 05/08/2025 22:48

Snapping at your DS may be forgivable in the moment but giving a child the silent treatment, ever, for any reason is abusive.

He is waving a red flag right in front of your eyes. If you’re not strong enough to leave him for you, leave him for the sake of your son.

ReceiveMyPurpleParsnip · 05/08/2025 23:01

gave him silent treatment, stomped around the house sulking that all the work put in with the pets is now a waste as the cats will be scared etc etc.
This is already too far. This kind of behaviour is distressing for a child.

he said "oh I'm sure it wasnt an accident".
So he’s not only been stomping around, sulking, giving the silent treatment, and creating an atmosphere in your child’s home, he also suggested your son left the door open deliberately? Was he implying some kind of malicious intent…from your 8yr old!?

It’s been 2 months and he’s already like this. He’ll get worse. I’d be telling him to take his cats and go.

RoseAlone · 05/08/2025 23:11

He's shown you who he really is, believe him and get rid.

Ohnobackagain · 05/08/2025 23:34

@ellie09 the fact he does any kind of ‘silent treatment’ is just not ok.

CountryMumof4 · 05/08/2025 23:34

Do I remember rightly you posting about your partner's (fiance's) cats a few months ago. You have a Rottweiler and he has rescue cats? It sounds like you're doing all you can to introduce them carefully and that it was simply a lapse on your son's part when he left the door open. It sounds like the way in which your partner has dealt with the situation is OTT, particularly the silent treatment. I'm sure your son has realised how important it is to carry on as you were. He's a young child and that kind of behaviour from your partner is just not on. If you do let him continue to stay, he needs to know that this is completely unacceptable and that it cannot happen again. I appreciate it's a huge transition for you all, and these things rarely run smoothly, but I'd be keeping a very close eye on things. At the end of the day, your child is your no. 1 priority - your concern about this situation shows you think the same.

Nearly50omg · 05/08/2025 23:35

Silent treatment towards a child is abusive behavior. You have let a child abuser live in your house with your child. After 2 months he should still be on his best behavior so the fact he’s started already is a massive red flag!!!

BerryTwister · 06/08/2025 00:01

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:10

I don’t think it was a mistake if son has been told the animals need to be introduced gently. An 8 year old knows right from wrong, he’s not a toddler.

Show quote history

That’s ridiculous. I’m 57 and I could easily forget about all this faffing around to keep pets apart. I’m not surprised he got it wrong once. OP your partner has massively overstepped the mark, and if you don’t nip this in the bud you’re going to have a very unhappy child on your conscience.