Scolding DS's accident

[ellie09]

Hi all

My DP moved in with me, DS (8 year old) and my dog about 2 months ago now with his 2 cats. We knew it was going to be an adjustment period as far as the pets were concerned.

At the moment, we have the dog downstairs and cats upstairs. We are slowly introducing them and they are now at the point where they can be about a metre away from each other with supervision and remain calm in each others company. We still keep them separated when we are working etc and unable to supervise, so the door downstairs remains closed.

Today, DS accidentally left the door open a little, which resulted in the dog running up the stairs. No big deal, I just ran up and got dog back downstairs.

However, DP seems to have taken it a bit too far (in my eyes). He immediately scolded DS and gave him silent treatment, stomped around the house sulking that all the work put in with the pets is now a waste as the cats will be scared etc etc.

I told DP that it wasn't a big deal, it was an accident and to just forget it, to which he said "oh I'm sure it wasnt an accident". At this point, I told him he was taking it too fad now, and gave him silent treatment back the same way he feels its ok to give DS.

AIBU or is his reaction unreasonable?

I cant stand by scolding and punishing DS for an accident and something that didnt cause any harm etc.

(And given that sulking men always repeat petulant behaviour, I'd be preparing for him to move out)

Of course the boy didn’t do wrong it was an accident or mistake.
the BF needs to go I would not allow my son to be treated like that over something so minor.

Nope dp and cats would be out in morning it was an accident by an 8 year old… especially since 2 months keeping them apart is ott anyway.

silent treatment is just cruel to him at that age and making him scared to go between rooms in his own house will eventually happen

He is 8 and simply forgot to close a door properly. It was an easy mistake to make for a child.

We have pet gates for our dogs to stop them from running outside and it took all of us, including the adults, a little while to get in the habit of closing them before opening external doors.

Things like sulking and silent treatment are a form of abuse.

Mild scolding is fine. The silent treatment is absolutely not.

So he’s giving your 8 year old the silent treatment? And you’re giving him the silent treatment in return? You are as bad as each other.
Your poor child.

Why can't you just keep your boyfriend separate from your pet and your child?
He sounds immature and ignorant about how to behave around children.

Silent treatment is sulking by another name, so childish. Your boy will copy the same behaviour.

The Silent Treatment is a recognised sign of abuse op.
Your relationship is therefore an abusive one imo.

Silent treatment is not good but it’s not good enough to simply forget to do it when the animals could pose a danger to each other, especially as the dog sounds hyper and bounded up. Not judging I have a dog who is similar. The partner did right to tell off the son however silent treatment is ridiculous and it sounds like OP and her partner need to sit down communicate and discuss the type of discipline that should be used for the son.

This could easily be a mistake that wasn’t malicious. We all do something thoughtless from time to time that wasn’t malicious. From what she has put this child hasn’t previously done anything to show it could be malicious.

"DC, please double check the door is closed properly next time"

That's as much of a "scolding" as was needed. I cannot abide men who think giving anyone silent treatment is appropriate, let alone children.

The way you told him it wasn’t a big deal is minimising the situation and I can get why he’d be annoyed.

Nobody is saying child did it maliciously

No, the OP just needs to kick this abuser out of her life and protect her son from him.

classic Mumsnet advice…

Do you really want to keep shagging a grown man who stomps about and gives the silent treatment when he’s annoyed? Let alone inflict him on your son?

If it wasn't done maliciously then there's absolutely no need for a telling off and ridiculous freaking out session from a grown man. Nasty overreaction.

As it should be for situations like this. Abusive men do not deserve more chances, more so when there is a child to protect.

It was carelessness. Silent treatment is wrong however if you let a child get away with potentially a dangerous situation without any scolding it’s likely it would happen again.

nobody is saying child did it purposely or maliciously but they won’t learn right from wrong it someone doesn’t tell them to not do it again. PP is right in that the partner should’ve said please do not do that again.

Also, OP has said she also has given silent treatment so neither parent/parental figure is a shining example to him here

Yes he could have said something matter of fact that got the message across, but he didn't. And he won't the next time either.

Get him out your house, how dare he give the silent treatment to your child and scold him . He is not the parent! Bin him off

The pet situation sounds horrendous in itself, why should an 8 year old have to constantly remember to keep doors shut, that would annoy me as an adult.

This guys behaviour towards your son is unacceptable though especially so early on, get rid.

Run run run like the wind. As the Monty python boys say.