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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scolding DS's accident

236 replies

ellie09 · 05/08/2025 21:51

Hi all

My DP moved in with me, DS (8 year old) and my dog about 2 months ago now with his 2 cats. We knew it was going to be an adjustment period as far as the pets were concerned.

At the moment, we have the dog downstairs and cats upstairs. We are slowly introducing them and they are now at the point where they can be about a metre away from each other with supervision and remain calm in each others company. We still keep them separated when we are working etc and unable to supervise, so the door downstairs remains closed.

Today, DS accidentally left the door open a little, which resulted in the dog running up the stairs. No big deal, I just ran up and got dog back downstairs.

However, DP seems to have taken it a bit too far (in my eyes). He immediately scolded DS and gave him silent treatment, stomped around the house sulking that all the work put in with the pets is now a waste as the cats will be scared etc etc.

I told DP that it wasn't a big deal, it was an accident and to just forget it, to which he said "oh I'm sure it wasnt an accident". At this point, I told him he was taking it too fad now, and gave him silent treatment back the same way he feels its ok to give DS.

AIBU or is his reaction unreasonable?

I cant stand by scolding and punishing DS for an accident and something that didnt cause any harm etc.

OP posts:
simsbustinoutmimi · 06/08/2025 21:09

BetweenTwoFerns · 06/08/2025 15:55

She isn’t.

I don’t think I have been on a thread before where one poster has dominated the thread so much whilst also talking absolute nonsense.

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I’ve posted 5-6 times and this thread is pages and pages long so I don’t think so.

simsbustinoutmimi · 06/08/2025 21:11

I know some people here say it’s not fair that he scolded him to begin with. But this is a two and a half year relationship and you live together, so yous really need to have a sit down and talk about what discipline (if any) he is allowed to give. Should he relay everything to you, and if so what happens if you’re not there and he is, and your son does something dangerous/wrong albeit more than leaving the door open. Is he allowed to scold him then?

when you all live together and it’s a serious relationship it’s not the same as mums new boyfriend telling off the kids which obviously isn’t right

some of the women on here posting also post in step parent threads about how it’s ok for a stepmother to discipline. But apparantly not a stepfather.

e45crem · 06/08/2025 21:12

simsbustinoutmimi · 06/08/2025 21:09

I’ve posted 5-6 times and this thread is pages and pages long so I don’t think so.

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28 times according to MN

simsbustinoutmimi · 06/08/2025 21:14

e45crem · 06/08/2025 21:12

28 times according to MN

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Forums are for posting on, 28 times in how long this thread it is not much, many others have posted as much or more than me. I am not getting into a silly tit for tat argument about who is allowed to post and who isn’t. The forum isn’t gatekept, hide the post if you don’t wish to see differing opinions.

e45crem · 06/08/2025 21:18

simsbustinoutmimi · 06/08/2025 21:14

Forums are for posting on, 28 times in how long this thread it is not much, many others have posted as much or more than me. I am not getting into a silly tit for tat argument about who is allowed to post and who isn’t. The forum isn’t gatekept, hide the post if you don’t wish to see differing opinions.

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Right, I don’t care how much you post but you said you posted 5-6 times when at that point you had posted 28 times, so the person saying you were dominating wasn’t wrong were they?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 06/08/2025 21:21

simsbustinoutmimi · 06/08/2025 21:14

Forums are for posting on, 28 times in how long this thread it is not much, many others have posted as much or more than me. I am not getting into a silly tit for tat argument about who is allowed to post and who isn’t. The forum isn’t gatekept, hide the post if you don’t wish to see differing opinions.

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Are you OP's partner?

ellyeth · 07/08/2025 11:13

Well, it sounds like quite a difficult terrain to negotiate - keeping dogs and cats apart. I am sure I would be like your son and occasionally forget to close a gate.

Your partner seems to have forgotten that he has moved into your house with your child - it is not his house and your boy is not his child. This unwarranted scolding suggests this man will make your son's life a misery, even when it isn't that apparent to you - nasty looks, sarcastic comments, etc. If you have ever lived with someone who is constantly critical and looking out for things you have done wrong, you will know that it creates insecurity and anxiety. Do you really want to put up with sulking and silent treatment and do you really want to expose your son to this sort of man?

Jonesboot · 07/08/2025 11:42

He's shown you who he is. The apology etc mean nothing. He'll do it again, unless you remove him from your son's home. The place where he should feel happy and safe.

Spinachpastapicker · 07/08/2025 11:58

InWalksBarberalla · 06/08/2025 03:35

In the post where you said it wasn't a mistake! If you can't even remember what you wrote an hour or so ago why do you expect 8 year olds to not have memory lapses?

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Well quite. That poster has made herself look rather foolish. But it was just a mistake that she forgot she said that … Grin

Spinachpastapicker · 07/08/2025 12:09

simsbustinoutmimi · 06/08/2025 15:28

You are contradicting yourself with second paragraph make your mind up

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No I’m not, you weirdo. Hmm I have a degree in English, I know exactly what I’m saying. Read it again and try harder.

Victoria39 · 07/08/2025 18:29

ellie09 · 06/08/2025 11:00

DP and I talked this morning before DS got up and he said he feels bad, as he over reacted and it was just an accident.

He went and apologised to DS this morning and told DS that he was out of line and that he was very sorry for his behaviour.

I have told DP that this behaviour will not be tolerated any longer and that he is the adult and needs to lead by example.

Just to add, DS already had his rules set in place before DP moved in, so this isnt anything new for DS. I just had to make DP aware of the rules for DS.

Increasing my fingers and toe’s for you. I doubt he will change. He showed you who he was the first time he told of your son.

why so many Brit’s value there boyfriends and friends here dogs over there children baffles me…🤔

Victoria39 · 07/08/2025 18:31

Ocularpatdown · 06/08/2025 13:14

I'd tell him and the cats to piss off. Your poor son doesn't deserve this hassle.

She won’t. She’s desperate for a man and her son comes last 😡

In a few year’s time she will be on here again saying she is pregnant. You can imagine how the rest of her post would go…🙄

Victoria39 · 07/08/2025 18:33

Jonesboot · 07/08/2025 11:42

He's shown you who he is. The apology etc mean nothing. He'll do it again, unless you remove him from your son's home. The place where he should feel happy and safe.

This in buckets! My kids have got the same daddy. As daft as he is ill keep him thanks as he got his good points . If I ever felt the need to get rid I would never get a random bloke to move in. Like as hell my kids would like that and they come first….

Victoria39 · 07/08/2025 18:34

BusyExpert · 05/08/2025 22:14

Of course the boy didn’t do wrong it was an accident or mistake.
the BF needs to go I would not allow my son to be treated like that over something so minor.

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Totally this. It will get worse. I hate women who do this to there kids…

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 07/08/2025 19:03

simsbustinoutmimi · 06/08/2025 21:09

I’ve posted 5-6 times and this thread is pages and pages long so I don’t think so.

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Try around 20. And you keep saying the same things, and no one is agreeing with you. You have unreasonable expectations for an 8yr old.

Victoria39 · 08/08/2025 00:50

EasyTouch · 06/08/2025 15:53

I never understand women who find men with so little to lose that they can move into women and children's homes without worrying about what they are going to do with the property they have left behind.

And if they have no abode that they are invested in enough (whether via rent or mortgage) , but the woman as a single parent has, they are not yoked.

Much less to move in a stroppy man .
Since when have men become The Prize in heterosexuality? I must move in a different timezone.

Stop moving men into your yards who find it so easy to let go the yard that you found them with.

Nobody with good intentions or sense leaves their home as a big person to live in somebody else's home that they have no legal dominion over.

At my big age, I couldn't just move in with my boyfriend unless we were going to sell up our individual gaffs to buy together.

And that would be unwise as we both have adult children, not together who we want to leave an inheritance to.

Single mothers who have by hook or crook found/retained themselves a home for their children should not be moving in grown men who either haven't got a home for themselves or who carelessly gives it up to live somewhere that their name is not on the tenancy agreement or mortgage.

Cheap arses at best. Carpetbaggers one of the worst case scenarios.

This is totally super. I agree!!! Do you write for the papers?

Victoria39 · 08/08/2025 00:51

endofthelinefinally · 06/08/2025 08:46

The child seems to be at the bottom of the list of priorities.

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Children usually are. Sad.

Victoria39 · 08/08/2025 00:54

simsbustinoutmimi · 05/08/2025 22:31

Because they (the adults) chose to live together with animals that don’t get on.

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The selfish mum chose this. Her poor son didn’t get a say and was expected to let a random
cock lodger move into he’s home…

Victoria39 · 08/08/2025 00:55

simsbustinoutmimi · 06/08/2025 00:07

It’s keeping a door closed it’s not complicated

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and we found the cocklodger 🤡who told the poor boy of

ReadingTime · 08/08/2025 00:57

Scolding, maybe ok if it was measured and proportionate.
Silent treatment to an 8yo, no fucking way. I'd get him back out.

Victoria39 · 08/08/2025 00:58

ellie09 · 05/08/2025 22:36

Re. The pet situation. My dog is fine and lived with a cat previously. Albeit she is a bit hyper the first 30 seconds, then calms down.

The issue is that his cats are house cats (have been for two years) and are incredibly timid as used to living with just him. Theyve had no interaction with dogs/outside etc.

DP said he would see how it goes for the first 6 months or so, but if his cats are still as timid/scared, his aunt is willing to rehome them at her house (we are hoping it doesnt come to that, as we obviously both love our pets).

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So you two 🤡🤡discussed the comfort of your pets . But you did think to discuss the comfort etc of your son. Only in the uk 🙄

SS need to watch family’s like yours 💯

Victoria39 · 08/08/2025 00:58

Victoria39 · 08/08/2025 00:58

So you two 🤡🤡discussed the comfort of your pets . But you did think to discuss the comfort etc of your son. Only in the uk 🙄

SS need to watch family’s like yours 💯

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*did not think

Victoria39 · 08/08/2025 01:01

ellie09 · 05/08/2025 21:58

DS already has a list of rules to follow to get his pocket money - and strikes if he misbehaves. DP is aware of these and has always followed them, but this seems to be the only time it hasn't been followed.

I am trying to keep an open mind, that he has not lived with a child before, and telling him kids do silly things by accident all the time, but not sure if what I am saying is registering.

Will be having a firm chat with him in the morning, thats for sure.

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Your the one who could with a list of rules.🙄I’ll start you of-

rule 1-
dont move random nasty men into your sons home

Victoria39 · 08/08/2025 01:03

BetweenTwoFerns · 05/08/2025 22:40

It’s remarkable that you are just talking about the hard done by cats!

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Don’t me surprise me. Most people don’t value children very much in uk . In her case she’s even valued someone else’s pets over her own child.🙄

JMSA · 08/08/2025 01:05

Gosh, never mind the pets, let’s not forget that it’s an adjustment period for the child in this situation too!