In-laws have taken step-daughter out

[Tinogirl]

I have posted on here before…always the same story. . My husband and I each have a daughter- a year and a half separates them.

He was not in a relationship with her mother and is completely central to his and his family’s lives. I get that and it is how it should be but while they are all polite to my daughter they have never really embraced her,

Well this week my husband and child’s mother were both working and mother-in-law was away so stepdaughter was staying with us.

This rarely happens and we had a good weekend and yesterday Stepdaughter found out that daughter was struggling with something and spent three hours teaching her. Showing her techniques, downloading stuff etc. Now she is always polite but yesterday I felt there was a bit of a breakthrough after 9 years.

This morning they got up and said that I would take them to the place we went to at the weekend. Stepdaughter was again very polite, told me that I was very sweet but she was going out with her Grandmother and aunt- DH’s mum and sister.

They rock up, aunt comes to door, stepdaughter gets in back of car and off they shoot, I said I would have to ask DH as I was meant to be looking after her. SiL laughed and said she was 14 and they would actually be back before DH anyway.

My daughter now on her own in tears. I can’t get through to DH. I am fuming. Daughter then refused to go out for lunch. Sitting there using the app that stepdaughter showed her.

Why cant she go out with her grandmother and aunt? You're being weird about that. My dd is 14 and she has a lovely relationship with her fathers family, no way would i appreciate a new girlfriends child getting stroppy aboit that. She has her own family and you still.

I have read this 5 times i dont see the issue her relatives took her out what is wrong with that?

A new girlfriend? We have been married for nearly nine years!

I don't understand? When i was 14 I was doing things on my own, I would walk to visit family members or arrange time out if my parents are working
Is the. Issue you weren't consulted? Although at 14 its more of a watchful eye than your actually "in charge"

Ok a new wife. You're still not her mother. Why do you think she should stay in to entertain your child?

I recommend everyone reads the OPs previous threads🙄

Your stepdaughter went out with her grandmother and auntie. What's wrong with that?

Why is your daughter in tears? Is stepdaughter supposed to stay home to entertain her instead of going out with her family? That's an unreasonable expectation.

Not sure what your problem is tbh

Can you elaborate on the issue?

Seems like your DSD wants to spend time with her family. What's wrong with that?

Me to.... why is your daughter in tears? I don't get it...

I see that it’s a disappointment but at that age, particularly with another life outside your house (or even if she is full time with you) you do need to be asking “what plans do you have for this date, please” rather than expecting her to be free for you.

It’s a real transition stage, I’m afraid. She’s growing up.

That being said, I did expect from DD decent respect and manners. She told me in good time what her plans were and whether and when she would be home for dinner. Otherwise, I got cross. I enforce that even now that she’s twenty - the dinner bit, that is. Your DH needs to enforce the respect.

It sounds like you are trying to force something that isn't there. Assuming your daughter is 12 I am not sure what she was crying about?
She is old enough to understand her step sister has a different family, does your daughter do anything with your side of the family?

what’s the backstory?

Why? Shes still unreasonable.

You're expecting your husband's mother to take out your child on a trip arranged with her own grandchild? Does your child's grandparents include your step child? Hurtful if that's not reciprocated by the other side of the family but you can't force a relationship.

I don’t think the issue is that stepdaughter went, I think it’s because OPs daughter wasn’t invited, or even considered.

I’ve not read any previous threads but I’m guessing this is always the case?

I want our daughters to bond; I definitely agree that they need alone time too with their own families but there is no way I would have left my brother’s stepchild out like that.

Yesterday they were really bonding and now it’s ruined.

Husband’s response about his family is oh you know what they’re like,

Is it too cheeky to ask for a brief summary? 😅

On the face of it op, you’re being a bit unreasonable. But context is everything!

I agree. It's just every 6 months she pops up with a non issue to complain about her DSD.

It someone has that much drama thry are not doing something right

Your DSD, MIL and the Aunt have done nothing wrong.

I suspect you're miffed because you wanted DSD to entertain your DD. But here's the thing, DSD isn't responsible for that and is entitled to make her own plans with her family, especially at 14.

You need to give your head a wobble. Your DSD isn't responsible for keeping your DD happy.

I get why you are cross (though I don’t agree really)

I don’t understand why your DD is crying or why one day “ruins” their relationship.

Give us a quick rundown and save us all the brother of looking please 🤣

Bananachimp My child’s paternal family would never have met my stepdaughter. My in-laws have know my daughter for just over eight years. My in-laws see my stepdaughter reasonably often, especially my MiL.

I was looking forward to a lovely day.

So I just did AS the poster and OMG they post alot about step daughter. Who hasn't dont anything wrong. Your step daughter is always kind and polite and guess what she doesnt want to be forced to bond with your daughter!!! ..you seem obsessed its coming across v unhealthy!