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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

angry husband on holiday, what to do for the next week

244 replies

Staringsun · 05/08/2025 12:25

I am on holiday with my husband. We’ve had some pretty bad arguments in the past, but this time has been awful.

I was wearing a local custom headscarf (which is not needed, but done so out of respect) and he said I was wearing it incorrectly and I didn’t need to wear it at all. I said I just liked it, and he came over to me and pulled it off my head. People around us looked at me and I said later on that I found it embarrassing and to never do it again. the rest of the day he was nit picking things like I didn’t know where I was going (neither did he), he said I have shit taste in food, that I make everything seem dirty (he was going through my makeup bag)

On the way back to the hotel, I was crying and trying hard to hide it by wearing sunglasses, when we got back he said “you’re always crying it’s just not normal”, and “I’ve never experienced anything like this”.

It escalated because I was being “quiet” with him, he said “don’t make me angry” and I stupidly goaded him and said “why not? What happens when you’re angry?” And he flipped the laptop which was on the desk over in my direction.

He then packed all our stuff, and said we’re going to another hotel where you feel more comfortable. All this whilst hysterically crying.

I said I didn’t want to go to another hotel I just wanted to sleep, and he went to bed. He woke up very sad and then just said “sorry for shouting”

I don’t know what to do. He has been ok for the last couple of days, but it just feels strange now. He’s not acted like this before?

OP posts:
TroysMammy · 05/08/2025 12:32

He's a cunt. Is he like this at home? Could he be resentful about being on holiday because he doesn't have access to a distraction back home?

TheSandgroper · 05/08/2025 12:32

If you are somewhere where the locals wear headscarves normally and he has pulled it off your head in the public street, you have been insulted to the very, very highest level. Everyone in that street will likely have never, ever seen something so awful before.

You have been publicly degraded.

Get your passport, a pair of clean knickers and your credit card. Go downstairs, find reception and ask for a taxi to the airport. Come home as soon as humanly possible and get your ducks in a row.

You must divorce.

ApolloandDaphne · 05/08/2025 12:32

This sounds like a terrible relationship. I would come home immediately if you can, and make plans to leave him. if coming home isn't possible can you move on your own to a different hotel? Do you have access to money?

BellissimoGecko · 05/08/2025 12:33

Do you feel safe with him? Could you fly home by yourself?

Francestein · 05/08/2025 12:34

Bin this one. He’s fragile and abusive.

3luckystars · 05/08/2025 12:36

He pulled a headscarf off your head?

dampsquib94 · 05/08/2025 12:37

He's abusive. You are being abused. He is an abuser. I'd walk.

MounjaroMounjaro · 05/08/2025 12:40

He sounds absolutely awful. I know it's easier said than done but I really want you to get on the next plane home and pack your bags.

DiscoBob · 05/08/2025 12:42

How absolutely vile of him. Was he very drunk? Not that it's an excuse but him being so rude and then hysterical? And he gets violent and throws heavy objects at you when angry. Utter cunt.

You need to leave. The guy who threw a phone at my head, a week later he'd broken my nose and split my lip. It will escalate.

If I were you I'd go to another hotel and not tell him where you are.

Text him and say I'll see you on the flight but I am terminating the relationship. Can you kick him out of the house?

SapphOhNo · 05/08/2025 12:42

I think you know that this isn't acceptable behaviour. Why are you with him?

OneKhakiFish · 05/08/2025 12:42

Sorry OP he sounds a right abusive twat, as other pp have said, get home if you can, he's showing you his true colours, this is his normal but its definitely not right. Get your ducks in a row.

ScholesPanda · 05/08/2025 12:45

If he isn't normally like this it sounds like he's having some sort of mental breakdown. That doesn't excuse his behaviour and he needs to sort out therapy to work it out.

If he is normally like this, even intermittently, leave him. Life's too short to live it with an angry twat.

TokyoSushi · 05/08/2025 12:50

This is really unpleasant OP, how is he usually?

Sera1989 · 05/08/2025 12:50

Why don’t you know what to do? He’s shown you he can be angry, nasty, emotionally unstable and bordering on violent. You’ve had bad arguments in the past. You’re meant to be having an especially nice time on holiday but you’ve been in tears instead. What do you see as your options?

jannier · 05/08/2025 12:56

He's abused you and is controlling....there is more than your saying.

Indicateyourintentions · 05/08/2025 12:57

Untangle your life from this man and then never see him again.
Do the Freedom program so you don’t make the same mistake.

BySassyGreenPanda · 05/08/2025 13:10

If that's what he'll do in public, imagine what he's capable of behind closed doors. Please don't look for an explanation to excuse this. It doesn't matter why it happened, only that it can. It's in him and now you know, if you didn't already.....

I had one of these. You know what this is OP, I know you do xx

AgnesX · 05/08/2025 13:17

He was hysterically crying?? Good grief, what a complete drama queen.

Are there children with you, if there's no apology can you arrange to fly home early?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/08/2025 13:18

He makes you cry and then scolds and berates you for crying. Tells you that you are too quiet... and warns you not to make him angry and then throws a laptop at you.. is not safe to be around.

Do you really want to be shut up in a hotel room with this horrible man for two weeks?

It will be two continuous weeks in his company with no alleviation.

I'd get a plane home and text him when you are on it.

Campingisnexttogodliness · 05/08/2025 13:21

You are in an abusive relationship.. Time to rethink your future..
Preferably one without him in it. It can be scarey starting over op. But scarier being with a nasty cunt...
Ime.

Dolphinosep0tatoes · 05/08/2025 13:22

Leave him.

He's abusive and you deserve better.

Take a look at woman's aid.

WelshBookWitch · 05/08/2025 13:23

My abusive exH was very moody like this, everything was my fault, nothing was right. He was always worse on holiday (or maybe it seemed worse as I was away from my usual coping mechanisms).
Honestly life is too short to be with an aggressive, whiney, moody manchild. I was with mine for 30 years. Don't be like me.

SalmonAndHorseradish · 05/08/2025 13:25

You say he's never acted like this before but you also say you've had pretty bad arguments in the past. I'd bet my bottom dollar this is just the tip of the iceberg. He is abusive. You are in an abusive relationship. Men like this do not change. This is an escalation in behaviour and things will continue to escalate. You do not deserve to be treated like this nor do you have to continue to put up with it. Please do not waste your one short, precious life on this awful human being.

DecemberPlusFebruary · 05/08/2025 13:32

Leave. He's escalating his control and abuse. Taxi to airport. Go home. Gather your stuff and move away from him.

mauvaiseherbe · 05/08/2025 13:38

Staringsun · 05/08/2025 12:25

I am on holiday with my husband. We’ve had some pretty bad arguments in the past, but this time has been awful.

I was wearing a local custom headscarf (which is not needed, but done so out of respect) and he said I was wearing it incorrectly and I didn’t need to wear it at all. I said I just liked it, and he came over to me and pulled it off my head. People around us looked at me and I said later on that I found it embarrassing and to never do it again. the rest of the day he was nit picking things like I didn’t know where I was going (neither did he), he said I have shit taste in food, that I make everything seem dirty (he was going through my makeup bag)

On the way back to the hotel, I was crying and trying hard to hide it by wearing sunglasses, when we got back he said “you’re always crying it’s just not normal”, and “I’ve never experienced anything like this”.

It escalated because I was being “quiet” with him, he said “don’t make me angry” and I stupidly goaded him and said “why not? What happens when you’re angry?” And he flipped the laptop which was on the desk over in my direction.

He then packed all our stuff, and said we’re going to another hotel where you feel more comfortable. All this whilst hysterically crying.

I said I didn’t want to go to another hotel I just wanted to sleep, and he went to bed. He woke up very sad and then just said “sorry for shouting”

I don’t know what to do. He has been ok for the last couple of days, but it just feels strange now. He’s not acted like this before?

there is someone else he would rather be on holiday with so you may as well go home

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