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angry husband on holiday, what to do for the next week

244 replies

Staringsun · 05/08/2025 12:25

I am on holiday with my husband. We’ve had some pretty bad arguments in the past, but this time has been awful.

I was wearing a local custom headscarf (which is not needed, but done so out of respect) and he said I was wearing it incorrectly and I didn’t need to wear it at all. I said I just liked it, and he came over to me and pulled it off my head. People around us looked at me and I said later on that I found it embarrassing and to never do it again. the rest of the day he was nit picking things like I didn’t know where I was going (neither did he), he said I have shit taste in food, that I make everything seem dirty (he was going through my makeup bag)

On the way back to the hotel, I was crying and trying hard to hide it by wearing sunglasses, when we got back he said “you’re always crying it’s just not normal”, and “I’ve never experienced anything like this”.

It escalated because I was being “quiet” with him, he said “don’t make me angry” and I stupidly goaded him and said “why not? What happens when you’re angry?” And he flipped the laptop which was on the desk over in my direction.

He then packed all our stuff, and said we’re going to another hotel where you feel more comfortable. All this whilst hysterically crying.

I said I didn’t want to go to another hotel I just wanted to sleep, and he went to bed. He woke up very sad and then just said “sorry for shouting”

I don’t know what to do. He has been ok for the last couple of days, but it just feels strange now. He’s not acted like this before?

OP posts:
StandFirm · 05/08/2025 16:51

OP do you have access to your own money and would you be able to safely leave him? You should not stick around with him for another week but make sure you're safe.

IsawwhatIsaw · 05/08/2025 17:15

Op hasn’t come back since original post.
Hope all ok.

Emonade · 05/08/2025 17:29

Staringsun · 05/08/2025 12:25

I am on holiday with my husband. We’ve had some pretty bad arguments in the past, but this time has been awful.

I was wearing a local custom headscarf (which is not needed, but done so out of respect) and he said I was wearing it incorrectly and I didn’t need to wear it at all. I said I just liked it, and he came over to me and pulled it off my head. People around us looked at me and I said later on that I found it embarrassing and to never do it again. the rest of the day he was nit picking things like I didn’t know where I was going (neither did he), he said I have shit taste in food, that I make everything seem dirty (he was going through my makeup bag)

On the way back to the hotel, I was crying and trying hard to hide it by wearing sunglasses, when we got back he said “you’re always crying it’s just not normal”, and “I’ve never experienced anything like this”.

It escalated because I was being “quiet” with him, he said “don’t make me angry” and I stupidly goaded him and said “why not? What happens when you’re angry?” And he flipped the laptop which was on the desk over in my direction.

He then packed all our stuff, and said we’re going to another hotel where you feel more comfortable. All this whilst hysterically crying.

I said I didn’t want to go to another hotel I just wanted to sleep, and he went to bed. He woke up very sad and then just said “sorry for shouting”

I don’t know what to do. He has been ok for the last couple of days, but it just feels strange now. He’s not acted like this before?

This is emotional abuse.

BustyLaRoux · 05/08/2025 17:36

What the fuck have I just read???

Namechangerage · 05/08/2025 17:36

Abusive twat.

If he’s not like this at home, is there something addictive that he’s “missing”? Drink, drugs, gaming, gambling affair partner, prostitution, porn? HIS behaviour is not normal and would be a divorcable offence to me!!

BunnyLake · 05/08/2025 17:37

mauvaiseherbe · 05/08/2025 14:42

@Berlinlover agreed! then as soon as OP hasflownhome OW
on standby flies out, they may even pass each other at Gatwick

She’s welcome to him and at least it will hopefully make divorce easier.

TonTonMacoute · 05/08/2025 17:51

I don’t know what to do. He has been ok for the last couple of days, but it just feels strange now. He’s not acted like this before?

This sounds very strange. He has suddenly started being absolutely vile to you on holiday and he's never done it before?

BMW6 · 05/08/2025 17:55

Pack your stuff and go home. Tell him to Fuck Off from me.

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 05/08/2025 18:18

He sounds utterly foul. You deserve better than this, my love, please keep yourself safe and bin off this pathetic excuse for a man.

ShiftingSand · 05/08/2025 18:48

He woke up very sad? He’s a big baby and not a nice person to treat you like this. Very disrespectful. You must know that this isn’t normal behaviour. It must be very upsetting for you to be on this holiday with him. You deserve better treatment from a man.

Platypusdiver · 05/08/2025 19:03

I am going to go against the grain. I highly doubt that this is the first time that the husband has been such a prick. But the OP is stuck on holiday with him.

Telling her to leave now is not realistic, nor helpful. She could if she has independent funds for the flight and leaving the shared home immediately, when she gets back (hotel? new rental home?) or the support of family and/or friends until she gets herself on her feet.

Odering her to do it (which is what a lot of posts sound like, even if compassionate), makes things worse, if she has not got the means to it. It just leads of feelings of being trapped and results in more paralysis.

My advice to the OP is ride it out. Grey rock or make it clear that she will be conducting the holiday by herself - trips and meals by herself. Present it to him as "cooling off" time. It is a very umpleasant fact that sometimes arseholes need to be pacified for safety's sake. Then at home organise leaving and a future life without him.

Obviously, if he becomes violent, then leave asap. But it sounds to me like a grumpy arse, who want's to make himself feel better by forcing her to be subservient. Remember they are not at home, nor in an overally female-friendly place.

Catloverlady · 05/08/2025 19:19

If this is your holiday I’d just head home and sort your life out without him then go on another without him. He sounds like a real arse. That’s really abusive and horrible.

TroysMammy · 05/08/2025 19:25

DiggingHoles · 05/08/2025 15:07

What?! He is grown men not a surly 13 year old.

The distraction I mentioned wasn't an Xbox ffs but another woman. The OP is having a shitty time without the thought he could also be having an affair.

Blades2 · 05/08/2025 19:26

Your husband is a cunt, and this sounds abusive.
If my boyfriend so much as attempted to yank something of my head, I’d be on my way home.

Terrribletwos · 05/08/2025 19:27

Staringsun · 05/08/2025 12:25

I am on holiday with my husband. We’ve had some pretty bad arguments in the past, but this time has been awful.

I was wearing a local custom headscarf (which is not needed, but done so out of respect) and he said I was wearing it incorrectly and I didn’t need to wear it at all. I said I just liked it, and he came over to me and pulled it off my head. People around us looked at me and I said later on that I found it embarrassing and to never do it again. the rest of the day he was nit picking things like I didn’t know where I was going (neither did he), he said I have shit taste in food, that I make everything seem dirty (he was going through my makeup bag)

On the way back to the hotel, I was crying and trying hard to hide it by wearing sunglasses, when we got back he said “you’re always crying it’s just not normal”, and “I’ve never experienced anything like this”.

It escalated because I was being “quiet” with him, he said “don’t make me angry” and I stupidly goaded him and said “why not? What happens when you’re angry?” And he flipped the laptop which was on the desk over in my direction.

He then packed all our stuff, and said we’re going to another hotel where you feel more comfortable. All this whilst hysterically crying.

I said I didn’t want to go to another hotel I just wanted to sleep, and he went to bed. He woke up very sad and then just said “sorry for shouting”

I don’t know what to do. He has been ok for the last couple of days, but it just feels strange now. He’s not acted like this before?

Ah? If this is true and he pulled your headscarf off your head, then this is an act of violence.

Crikeyalmighty · 05/08/2025 19:30

@mauvaiseherbe I think this too I’m sorry to say .

DiggingHoles · 05/08/2025 19:31

TroysMammy · 05/08/2025 19:25

The distraction I mentioned wasn't an Xbox ffs but another woman. The OP is having a shitty time without the thought he could also be having an affair.

It doesn't matter what it is. It doesn't matter what motivates him. He is abusive. That is all OP needs to know.

Staringsun · 05/08/2025 19:47

The headscarf thing literally made me recoil, I’ve never experienced such disrespect. It was loosely draped around my shoulders and my hair and he pulled it off from the back.

He has thrown things in anger before - a phone etc. he has said in arguments before not to talk to him before he can calm himself down.

he distracts himself the same here as he does at home, with gaming. He’s brought his laptop for this reason. He doesn’t drink, and we can’t drink here anyway.

he is usually critical, he said I am bad at taking criticism. I said to him “I don’t think you like me much” before this all kicked off. He said I was being ridiculous.

we are on holiday with a friend couple (who live here) so I feel ok-ish staying. A flight back would be too expensive.

It’s just stupid stuff continually - I got too sandy at the beach (?), I didn’t stand the right side of him to walk down the street.

it is usually like this yes, but this is massive in comparison to the “norm”.

we don’t have any shared DCs.

we have only been married for a year

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 05/08/2025 19:55

Staringsun · 05/08/2025 19:47

The headscarf thing literally made me recoil, I’ve never experienced such disrespect. It was loosely draped around my shoulders and my hair and he pulled it off from the back.

He has thrown things in anger before - a phone etc. he has said in arguments before not to talk to him before he can calm himself down.

he distracts himself the same here as he does at home, with gaming. He’s brought his laptop for this reason. He doesn’t drink, and we can’t drink here anyway.

he is usually critical, he said I am bad at taking criticism. I said to him “I don’t think you like me much” before this all kicked off. He said I was being ridiculous.

we are on holiday with a friend couple (who live here) so I feel ok-ish staying. A flight back would be too expensive.

It’s just stupid stuff continually - I got too sandy at the beach (?), I didn’t stand the right side of him to walk down the street.

it is usually like this yes, but this is massive in comparison to the “norm”.

we don’t have any shared DCs.

we have only been married for a year

Bear out the holiday, keep away from him as much as you can and then when you get home make the right moves to divorce him. It's only been a year (what a shit year yeh) but hey then again it's only been a year, get well away from him, he's a very nasty individual.

rainbowsparkle28 · 05/08/2025 19:57

TheSandgroper · 05/08/2025 12:32

If you are somewhere where the locals wear headscarves normally and he has pulled it off your head in the public street, you have been insulted to the very, very highest level. Everyone in that street will likely have never, ever seen something so awful before.

You have been publicly degraded.

Get your passport, a pair of clean knickers and your credit card. Go downstairs, find reception and ask for a taxi to the airport. Come home as soon as humanly possible and get your ducks in a row.

You must divorce.

Edited

This. Please protect yourself above all he has shown you crystal clear what he is like and you are at risk.

Coffeeishot · 05/08/2025 19:58

Oh .a year is no time in a marraige he has escalated he wants you "in line" and objecting and it has escalated what are you going to do ? I think grey rocking as suggested is your safest bet here until you get home. What an absolute shit he is.

JMSA · 05/08/2025 20:07

OP, sorry to ask, but is it possible he’s having an affair?
When my ex-husband was, I couldn’t do anything right 😢
Anyway, not even he was as bad as your husband.
I hope you’re ok.

BunnyLake · 05/08/2025 20:07

He’s a wanker. Seriously OP get rid, this man should not be in your’s or your family’s life.

Dery · 05/08/2025 20:10

Honestly it sounds like your marriage was a mistake and needs to end.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/08/2025 20:10

To sum up:

He throws things in anger
He denies your experience and tells you you are being ridiculous
He has random and arbitrary rules for you
If you don’t follow these he gets angry
He is critical

Added to which you’ve only been married a year. Is this what you wanted for a marriage? A controlling, angry, abusive man?