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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

angry husband on holiday, what to do for the next week

244 replies

Staringsun · 05/08/2025 12:25

I am on holiday with my husband. We’ve had some pretty bad arguments in the past, but this time has been awful.

I was wearing a local custom headscarf (which is not needed, but done so out of respect) and he said I was wearing it incorrectly and I didn’t need to wear it at all. I said I just liked it, and he came over to me and pulled it off my head. People around us looked at me and I said later on that I found it embarrassing and to never do it again. the rest of the day he was nit picking things like I didn’t know where I was going (neither did he), he said I have shit taste in food, that I make everything seem dirty (he was going through my makeup bag)

On the way back to the hotel, I was crying and trying hard to hide it by wearing sunglasses, when we got back he said “you’re always crying it’s just not normal”, and “I’ve never experienced anything like this”.

It escalated because I was being “quiet” with him, he said “don’t make me angry” and I stupidly goaded him and said “why not? What happens when you’re angry?” And he flipped the laptop which was on the desk over in my direction.

He then packed all our stuff, and said we’re going to another hotel where you feel more comfortable. All this whilst hysterically crying.

I said I didn’t want to go to another hotel I just wanted to sleep, and he went to bed. He woke up very sad and then just said “sorry for shouting”

I don’t know what to do. He has been ok for the last couple of days, but it just feels strange now. He’s not acted like this before?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 05/08/2025 20:13

Staringsun · 05/08/2025 19:47

The headscarf thing literally made me recoil, I’ve never experienced such disrespect. It was loosely draped around my shoulders and my hair and he pulled it off from the back.

He has thrown things in anger before - a phone etc. he has said in arguments before not to talk to him before he can calm himself down.

he distracts himself the same here as he does at home, with gaming. He’s brought his laptop for this reason. He doesn’t drink, and we can’t drink here anyway.

he is usually critical, he said I am bad at taking criticism. I said to him “I don’t think you like me much” before this all kicked off. He said I was being ridiculous.

we are on holiday with a friend couple (who live here) so I feel ok-ish staying. A flight back would be too expensive.

It’s just stupid stuff continually - I got too sandy at the beach (?), I didn’t stand the right side of him to walk down the street.

it is usually like this yes, but this is massive in comparison to the “norm”.

we don’t have any shared DCs.

we have only been married for a year

So will you make plans to leave him when you get home?

He won't improve

And what have your friends said about his appalling behaviour?

Badgerandfox227 · 05/08/2025 20:17

I’m sorry OP, what a shitty way he’s behaved on your holiday. It doesn’t sound good if he’s behaving like this after just 1 year of marriage - literally a truck load of red flags that are likely to escalate. He’s not hurting you right now, but he is showing you that he can’t control his anger and intimidate you.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 05/08/2025 20:17

The good news is that you can file for divorce as soon as you've been married a year, so you can get the papers in first day you get home. You can do it relatively inexpensively if you do it directly with the court and not via a solicitor. It'll cost you hundreds instead of thousands.

Don't stay with this angry, controlling man, his abuse will only get worse and worse. Get out now.

Coffeeishot · 05/08/2025 20:25

He has random and arbitrary rules for you
If you don’t follow these he gets angry

I want to highlight this from @MrsTerryPratchett his "rules" don't serve any purpose or make sense he just uses them to control you Op and you probably follow them for a quiet life.

waitingforthehallmarkedman · 05/08/2025 20:27

I'd rather be single than live with a man like that. He sounds awful, a bully.

SREF2025 · 05/08/2025 20:36

These kind of comments remind me so much of an abusive ex boyfriend I had many years ago.

They are all the same and not very imaginative with their abusive comments.

Please leave this cunt.

Dontbeme · 05/08/2025 20:53

OP do you have a trusted friend or relative you can contact at home to get things rolling for leaving this guy as soon as you land back home? I would be making plans to get out now, are your DC adult or still young, and if young is their dad dependable to have them at his a bit longer to allow you space to get yourself sorted? I hope your safe until you get back home to your support system.

Toothpastestain · 05/08/2025 22:17

Dontbeme · 05/08/2025 20:53

OP do you have a trusted friend or relative you can contact at home to get things rolling for leaving this guy as soon as you land back home? I would be making plans to get out now, are your DC adult or still young, and if young is their dad dependable to have them at his a bit longer to allow you space to get yourself sorted? I hope your safe until you get back home to your support system.

Rtt

AffableApple · 05/08/2025 22:24

mauvaiseherbe · 05/08/2025 13:38

there is someone else he would rather be on holiday with so you may as well go home

This. You do need to leave him because hes abusive, but he's trying to goad you into leaving, not him, so he's the victim. Go home, sort things put with a solicitor. Leave him and don't look back. Be happy.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 05/08/2025 22:28

He’s abusive. You must get rid of him. It will only get worse. Don’t tell him anything, just secretly make plans and then get out. You are most at risk when leaving.

BemVindo · 05/08/2025 22:33

As soon as you’re hone, think seriously about ending this relationship. He sounds hideous. This type of prick only ever gets worse, not better,

whatisthegoddamnholdup · 05/08/2025 22:48

Tell him to fuck off home and enjoy your holiday by yourself, what an arsehole.

jannier · 05/08/2025 22:59

Staringsun · 05/08/2025 19:47

The headscarf thing literally made me recoil, I’ve never experienced such disrespect. It was loosely draped around my shoulders and my hair and he pulled it off from the back.

He has thrown things in anger before - a phone etc. he has said in arguments before not to talk to him before he can calm himself down.

he distracts himself the same here as he does at home, with gaming. He’s brought his laptop for this reason. He doesn’t drink, and we can’t drink here anyway.

he is usually critical, he said I am bad at taking criticism. I said to him “I don’t think you like me much” before this all kicked off. He said I was being ridiculous.

we are on holiday with a friend couple (who live here) so I feel ok-ish staying. A flight back would be too expensive.

It’s just stupid stuff continually - I got too sandy at the beach (?), I didn’t stand the right side of him to walk down the street.

it is usually like this yes, but this is massive in comparison to the “norm”.

we don’t have any shared DCs.

we have only been married for a year

Divorce

workingitout1234 · 06/08/2025 04:27

He’s been out of order, and I would consider getting out before DC come along

Applesgrapes · 06/08/2025 04:41

Leave him assp! This is abuse. Don't stick around to make it 2 years married.
Hope you're ok.
Can you talk to someone from the couple you are with?

Raspberryrippleflavour · 06/08/2025 06:40

So sorry this happened OP. He is abusive. If he is showing this behaviour in one year of marriage, it will only get worse.

Please get yourself some support (Women's Aid is helpful) and then make plans to leave him. You can't spend the next 5 or 10 years being with someone abusive and wondering what to do about it. He will never change

Lafufufu · 06/08/2025 06:44

Terrribletwos · 05/08/2025 19:55

Bear out the holiday, keep away from him as much as you can and then when you get home make the right moves to divorce him. It's only been a year (what a shit year yeh) but hey then again it's only been a year, get well away from him, he's a very nasty individual.

This

Ride out the holiday and leave.

This man HATES you.

LoudSnoringDog · 06/08/2025 06:52

Dontbeme · 05/08/2025 20:53

OP do you have a trusted friend or relative you can contact at home to get things rolling for leaving this guy as soon as you land back home? I would be making plans to get out now, are your DC adult or still young, and if young is their dad dependable to have them at his a bit longer to allow you space to get yourself sorted? I hope your safe until you get back home to your support system.

The OP has said in one of her only two posts that they have no children

Neuroticmillenial · 06/08/2025 07:08

You are being abused OP. I’m so sorry. Bin him!

Horserider5678 · 06/08/2025 07:17

AgnesX · 05/08/2025 13:17

He was hysterically crying?? Good grief, what a complete drama queen.

Are there children with you, if there's no apology can you arrange to fly home early?

How about a bit of compassion! It sounds like he is having some sort of breakdown. OP needs to get him to the doctor as soon as they’re home! There maybe financial
usdues which he is too worried to tell OP about! But in true MN style he’s a vile individual and she needs to leave immediately! No one seems to look at the wider picture, yes she may end up leaving him but he clearly needs help!

deathlydull · 06/08/2025 07:18

Dear God. Why did you marry this awful human being? OP he won’t make you happy. You need to leave him. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.

Planesmistakenforstars · 06/08/2025 07:18

The thrown phone and flipped laptop are warnings, please see them as such. Men like this never, ever de-escalate. They only ramp up the abuse, and you are being abused. Talk to someone in real life, and get out as soon as you can.

AgnesX · 06/08/2025 07:24

Horserider5678 · 06/08/2025 07:17

How about a bit of compassion! It sounds like he is having some sort of breakdown. OP needs to get him to the doctor as soon as they’re home! There maybe financial
usdues which he is too worried to tell OP about! But in true MN style he’s a vile individual and she needs to leave immediately! No one seems to look at the wider picture, yes she may end up leaving him but he clearly needs help!

Maybe he is but it sounds like he's just behaving like a shit.

What is it with people who think that mental health problems are an excuse to abuse their partners.

That's a rhetorical question by the way.

Ineffable23 · 06/08/2025 07:25

LoudSnoringDog · 06/08/2025 06:52

The OP has said in one of her only two posts that they have no children

No shared children, so TBF she may have her own kids room before the marriage.

Glassbee · 06/08/2025 07:32

Life is too short for this kind of marriage, sorry this is happening to you.