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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

angry husband on holiday, what to do for the next week

244 replies

Staringsun · 05/08/2025 12:25

I am on holiday with my husband. We’ve had some pretty bad arguments in the past, but this time has been awful.

I was wearing a local custom headscarf (which is not needed, but done so out of respect) and he said I was wearing it incorrectly and I didn’t need to wear it at all. I said I just liked it, and he came over to me and pulled it off my head. People around us looked at me and I said later on that I found it embarrassing and to never do it again. the rest of the day he was nit picking things like I didn’t know where I was going (neither did he), he said I have shit taste in food, that I make everything seem dirty (he was going through my makeup bag)

On the way back to the hotel, I was crying and trying hard to hide it by wearing sunglasses, when we got back he said “you’re always crying it’s just not normal”, and “I’ve never experienced anything like this”.

It escalated because I was being “quiet” with him, he said “don’t make me angry” and I stupidly goaded him and said “why not? What happens when you’re angry?” And he flipped the laptop which was on the desk over in my direction.

He then packed all our stuff, and said we’re going to another hotel where you feel more comfortable. All this whilst hysterically crying.

I said I didn’t want to go to another hotel I just wanted to sleep, and he went to bed. He woke up very sad and then just said “sorry for shouting”

I don’t know what to do. He has been ok for the last couple of days, but it just feels strange now. He’s not acted like this before?

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 11/08/2025 18:12

Go for a walk ( take passport with you) if he's just going to mope around the villa all day.
Sounds like he's spoiling for a fight or an excuse to be nasty to you.
Avoid any arguments or aggravating him further. You don't need to. You are answering back by leaving early.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 11/08/2025 18:12

Leave him be until you go. I'm really worried for you. If he's hanging around the villa all day will you be able to leave without him noticing?

thatwastheendofmytether · 11/08/2025 19:54

He reminds me so much of the husband I left thirteen years ago. He was an abusive knobhead too. Please leave him. After only a year of marriage it will be so much easier than after years and years. He really has nothing but contempt for you and you are worth more than that.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 11/08/2025 20:24

The headscarf and pillow incidents are both examples of physical abuse. It may not seem very serious at the moment, but it is the thin edge of the wedge. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, you are the victim in this situation. I hope you can arrange your escape quickly when you get home.

istheresomethingishouldsay · 11/08/2025 20:44

Just quietly leave in the morning with your bag and your passport.
Make sure he can't access your credit cards or bank accounts.
Leave him to it.

Mynewnameis · 11/08/2025 20:50

I hope you have a safe journey home

Mynewnameis · 11/08/2025 20:50

I hope you have a safe journey home

ArabellaScott · 11/08/2025 21:46

It's understandable to be angry, OP. But I would gently suggest caution. Men like this enjoy provoking until you get angry, which then gives them fuel to further attack. And they will take it further.

As pps have said, just grey rock until you leave. Safe trip home.

SugarBrown · 11/08/2025 21:52

Sorry OP but this will only get worse. Please leave him - there is nothing to be ashamed of, it's not your fault this didn't work out, it's his.

Do you really want to spend the rest of you life treading on eggshells? It's a horrible way to live. It will absolutely eat away at your self esteem.

There are kind, supportive men out there who would not dream of treating you like this.

How would you respond if a friend/relative told you someone was doing this to them?

LikeStrawberriesAndCream · 11/08/2025 22:04

The pillow thing is awful - shows real spite and a deliberate wish to disturb your sleep - but it's all bad. Text book abuse.
I am so glad you are leaving tomorrow, I would strongly advise you do everything possible to leave without him realising, & text him from the airport.
Best of luck.

NeuroSpicyCat · 11/08/2025 22:38

Text just before takeoff, when you’re literally on the plane and not before.

Best of luck. You got this.

Keep us in the loop. A lot of us are worried about you xx

JFDIYOLO · 11/08/2025 23:12

Don't ask him anything direct - he'll seize any excuses to turn it against you. No poking the troll.

Remain quiet, polite, pleasant, neutral for the duration, until you make your move.

Do not give him the faintest inkling that you're planning anything.

Message him as soon as you're safely in the air to avoid any pointless manhunt that could take attention away from people who have genuinely gone missing and are in need.

MounjaroMounjaro · 12/08/2025 08:05

He's really awful and I'm so glad you're going home. What's your plan then?

He will try to get any money he can out of you so be very very careful about that. If he gets phone alerts if money has been transferred etc then don't do it while you're still there.

I agree about sending a text but I'd send it much later and only after I'd sorted out my banking.

Best of luck - he's a really nasty man and you do need to get away from him.

jenny38 · 12/08/2025 18:42

I hope you are ok OP, not sure what time your flight is, but thinking about you.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 12/08/2025 19:41

Hope you're OK. Safe journey.

Momstermash94 · 12/08/2025 19:53

OP I usually think people throw around comments like "leave him", "divorce" and "you are being abused" for the tiniest infraction on this site but in this case I am horrified for you. You are 100% being abused and I am actually worried for you, he sounds so vile and cruel. I feel for you so much I'd be absolutely devastated in this situation. You need to get yourself on your feet and leave him. I'm so sorry your holiday and marriage turned out this way

idkbroidk · 13/08/2025 17:17

@Staringsun how are you doing today? x

NeuroSpicyCat · 14/08/2025 08:26

OP, hope you’re okay. Update?

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 15/08/2025 10:02

Hi OP, hope you're OK. We're still here if you decided to stay put with DH or if you went home Flowers

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