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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

angry husband on holiday, what to do for the next week

244 replies

Staringsun · 05/08/2025 12:25

I am on holiday with my husband. We’ve had some pretty bad arguments in the past, but this time has been awful.

I was wearing a local custom headscarf (which is not needed, but done so out of respect) and he said I was wearing it incorrectly and I didn’t need to wear it at all. I said I just liked it, and he came over to me and pulled it off my head. People around us looked at me and I said later on that I found it embarrassing and to never do it again. the rest of the day he was nit picking things like I didn’t know where I was going (neither did he), he said I have shit taste in food, that I make everything seem dirty (he was going through my makeup bag)

On the way back to the hotel, I was crying and trying hard to hide it by wearing sunglasses, when we got back he said “you’re always crying it’s just not normal”, and “I’ve never experienced anything like this”.

It escalated because I was being “quiet” with him, he said “don’t make me angry” and I stupidly goaded him and said “why not? What happens when you’re angry?” And he flipped the laptop which was on the desk over in my direction.

He then packed all our stuff, and said we’re going to another hotel where you feel more comfortable. All this whilst hysterically crying.

I said I didn’t want to go to another hotel I just wanted to sleep, and he went to bed. He woke up very sad and then just said “sorry for shouting”

I don’t know what to do. He has been ok for the last couple of days, but it just feels strange now. He’s not acted like this before?

OP posts:
DiggingHoles · 05/08/2025 15:07

TroysMammy · 05/08/2025 12:32

He's a cunt. Is he like this at home? Could he be resentful about being on holiday because he doesn't have access to a distraction back home?

What?! He is grown men not a surly 13 year old.

Bingbopboomboomboombopbaam · 05/08/2025 15:14

I would honestly assume he’s cheating because that man seems like he hates you.

MoveOverToTheSea · 05/08/2025 15:31

If you are somewhere where the locals wear headscarves normally and he has pulled it off your head in the public street, you have been insulted to the very, very highest level. Everyone in that street will likely have never, ever seen something so awful before.

⬆️⬆️ This.

MoveOverToTheSea · 05/08/2025 15:34

@Staringsun you can’t at the same time ‘have had some pretty bad arguments before’ and ‘he hasn’t acted like this before’

He has. It’s just that this time you can’t ignore it/find a reason fir him to be like this

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 05/08/2025 15:36

I once ended a relationship because of an eye roll. I wont tolerate disrespect and neither should you.

PinkyFlamingo · 05/08/2025 15:39

So you've had "pretty bad" arguements before, yet "he's never acted like this before", that doesn't make sense!

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 05/08/2025 15:43

So he pulled your clothing off you in public? (Distressing you but also humiliating you in the eyes of those around you.)
He threw a laptop
He kept up criticism just to hurt you

To understate things a little: he doesn't sound like a keeper.

Swiftie1878 · 05/08/2025 15:43

It sounds as though you are in a dangerously precarious situation. This sort of behaviour more often than not escalates.
You need to get yourself home and SAFE.
Can you stay with friend/parents while you get yourself sorted out? You shouldn’t put yourself in the same place as him until it is safe to do so (probably never).

BlankBlankBlank14 · 05/08/2025 15:43

Get home alone

amberisola · 05/08/2025 15:49

I'm sorry OP. All of that sounds awful. Don't waste time worrying about why he's doing it, just think about how to get yourself out of the relationship so that you never have to endure such treatment again.

Zanzara · 05/08/2025 15:54

He sounds like he's either under the influence of something or mentally unstable. Either way he's a nasty piece of work.

I agree with others, if you can, get yourself on a plane home without his knowledge and make plans to leave. He doesn't sound safe to be around. Good luck. x

PolyVagalNerve · 05/08/2025 15:54

I don’t like your H
he sounds like an utter nasty arsehole
i really hope u don’t have / aren’t planning to have kids with this vile prick of a man

please please please believe what he is showing u - that he is a nasty scum bag

YourWildAmberSloth · 05/08/2025 15:55

Has he really not acted like this before OP? He sounds abusive and maybe his behaviour hasn't been exactly like this before, but I would guess that there have been other incidents that you have possibly discounted or justified to yourself.

EdithBond · 05/08/2025 15:57

YANBU.

You must decide if you’re safe to remain on holiday with him.

And whether it’s much of a holiday if you’re likely on alert to further criticism or unacceptable behaviour.

PommieBear · 05/08/2025 15:58

Have you children? If not your divorce will be easier. Massive (((hugs)))

Serpentstooth · 05/08/2025 16:00

What a pig OP. Throw him back, some other poor woman will no doubt fish him out of the pool. Treat yourself with more respect when you pick the next one.

Coffeeishot · 05/08/2025 16:04

This man hates you its nothing you can change , he shouts he makes you cry he puts his hands on you removes clothing in disrespect, how can a man who is supposed to love you do these things. If you can go home if you don't feel safe to do so leave him when you get back.

TheOGBethDuttton · 05/08/2025 16:10

This sounds dreadful. Please gather your things and leave, get to safety til you can fly home. At the very least, your handbag and passport x

summerskyblue · 05/08/2025 16:21

Get a taxi to the airport while he is asleep and go home on your own. Then change the locks and start divorce proceedings.

He is an abusive, disrespectful idiot. Once someone starts on the path of physical violence like that don't give them a chance to escalate further.

If you are feeling particularly vengeful you could also contact the local police and report him. Tell them you are outraged that he pulled out your headscarf and that you are now feeling unsafe in your hotel room with him. Then let him deal with the local police on his own...if this is a muslim country and he pulled out your headscarf in public I am sure they will enjoy keeping him for a bit so he can learn better manners while you make your escape.

LittlleMy · 05/08/2025 16:27

Oh gosh OP so sorry you’re experiencing this. I’ve had some bad exes but none has behaved like this.

The MN hive mind is very much unified on your predicament. I hope you’re able to follow the advice.

Frugalgal · 05/08/2025 16:33

Staringsun · 05/08/2025 12:25

I am on holiday with my husband. We’ve had some pretty bad arguments in the past, but this time has been awful.

I was wearing a local custom headscarf (which is not needed, but done so out of respect) and he said I was wearing it incorrectly and I didn’t need to wear it at all. I said I just liked it, and he came over to me and pulled it off my head. People around us looked at me and I said later on that I found it embarrassing and to never do it again. the rest of the day he was nit picking things like I didn’t know where I was going (neither did he), he said I have shit taste in food, that I make everything seem dirty (he was going through my makeup bag)

On the way back to the hotel, I was crying and trying hard to hide it by wearing sunglasses, when we got back he said “you’re always crying it’s just not normal”, and “I’ve never experienced anything like this”.

It escalated because I was being “quiet” with him, he said “don’t make me angry” and I stupidly goaded him and said “why not? What happens when you’re angry?” And he flipped the laptop which was on the desk over in my direction.

He then packed all our stuff, and said we’re going to another hotel where you feel more comfortable. All this whilst hysterically crying.

I said I didn’t want to go to another hotel I just wanted to sleep, and he went to bed. He woke up very sad and then just said “sorry for shouting”

I don’t know what to do. He has been ok for the last couple of days, but it just feels strange now. He’s not acted like this before?

Really? He's never done anything like this before? Ever? You mentioned previous rows - how did he behave then?

If he's always been perfectly respectful before and you only had 'normal' arguments then something is clearly wrong. On the other hand, if this is just an escalation of previous behaviour you need to follow the advice to get out.

istheresomethingishouldsay · 05/08/2025 16:35

Do you spend your life tiptoeing around so as not to upset/annoy/anger him?

If there's even a small element of that in your day-to-day life, then you need to get out of there.

What he did is shocking, tbh, and everyone on the street will have been shocked at his behaviour towards a woman.

Washingupdone · 05/08/2025 16:46

My ex always blamed me for things in front of people as well as behind closed doors. To others It looked as if iI was the root of the problems

Are you sure he hasn’t got someone in the shadows.

PigletSanders · 05/08/2025 16:48

He’s a horrible, abusive piece of shit.

Bestfootforward11 · 05/08/2025 16:50

Horrible man. You say this is the first time he’s been like this, but that youve had pretty bad arguments before. Even if he hasn’t lost it like this before, guaranteed it will happen again. The fact he thinks a ‘sorry for shouting’ is enough means he’s not even fully taking responsibility for all that he did or the impact he had on you. So he’s carrying on now as if nothing much had happened. But I’m sure you’re treading on egg shells, trying to work out what you did wrong and how for it not to happen again. Life doesn’t have to be like this. Whilst no relationship is perfect, you really don’t need one that is full of arguments with someone who has behaved in a frightening way and then moves on as though nothing has happened. You need to feel safe with your husband. He is supposed to love you. These do not sound like the actions of a man who is capable of love. Don’t give him another chance as I fear what might happen next. You need to get out of the relationship. You need to speak to those close to you in real life and leave. Best wishes.