Am I out of touch or is he being stingy?

[Tupaas]

Recently agreed between us that I would take a career break. I’m happy with this, I actually have a job to go to so it’s a short break… more like 12 months.

During this time I have obviously been with DS rather than him being at nursery.

DP transfers around 150 a week for activities for me and DS, like soft play, lunch out etc any toys we might get while in supermarket and so on.

He covers mortgage and bills at the moment and at weekends I might get a coffee or a lunch but as I’m not earning this comes from my savings.

Whilst it was my idea to take a year off, I’ve obviously done it with his agreement otherwise I couldn’t have done it. He was happy DS wouldn’t be in nursery as much, as was I.

I feel like 150 is a bit stingy and he doesn’t understand that a coffee, for example, is 4.50 at lots of places. Car parking, soft play, it all adds up! I want to suggest he sends over another 50 but I know he will make a comment like get a flask for coffee etc which just makes me feel irritated as it’s hard work being with a toddler all day! For context he’s a high earner, a little over 100k. Am I in the right here?!

£150 a week for coffee, soft play etc is pretty good going - assuming it’s not to include the food shop. If it’s literally fun money, it should be loads.

£600 a month for fun activities seems more than adequate.

£600 a month for fun money with one toddler is plenty.

So £600 per month for fun? Sounds pretty good to me.

That sounds like a generous amount to me if it's literally just for what you've listed. Maybe list a breakdown of where it's all going because I'm struggling to understand why you'd need more and you clearly think he will too.

The other thing is, what are your outgoings and his spends? Can he afford another £50 a week for stuff like that? Is he spending loads on himself while you go without?

Is this a reverse? Can't believe you are serious.

Exactly how many coffees are you drinking?

This can’t be real?

You've chosen to take the career break, and you should be budgeting for your own expenses during this time. Your husband/partner isnt responsible for buying you £4.50 coffees because you feel like you want one. He's already covering all the running costs of the home, you are being extremely unreasonable.

Probably time you went back to work and got a grip on reality.

You mention toys at the supermarket. Are you paying for the supermarket shop out of that OP? If so YANBU at all.

This must be a reverse. £600 for leisure is a generous amount. Surely you dont go to places that cost every day? You go to friends / museums/ walks and the park etc some days? Or even stay home. If you go out to a place with cost 3 days a week you have £50 a day to spend between you and a toddler, that’s good imo

YABU - if it is just for nice things to do week to week as you listed then you are def very out of touch. Surely you don't go out and do these things daily? There are many free things to do and don't need to get a coffee etc.

I hate posts that say this but I could honestly spend a quarter of this doing things mine when they were nursery age.

However if this is for you to buy food shop, own toiletries etc then that's a different story.

£150 a week not enough? Bloody hell.

It's actually £650 per month.

150 x 52 = 7800

7800 / 12 = 650

That's more than I earn.

@HelpMeGetThrough well today for example it’s been 12.99 for soft play, 15 for lunch and coffee, 4 parking, 3.50 ice cream. And it’s not even 2pm. I feel like I’m careful and go to cheap places, I’m not having a luxurious day out!

@Tupaas he brings home ~ £6000

with mortgage, bills (groceries, gas, electric, water, council tax, car ins, car tax, house ins, mot, holidays, broadband, streaming, amazon etc..) + your £600

How much do you think he has as disposible, that you feel hard done by?

That's £35 a DAY!!!! That is ridiculously out of touch

@kittenkipping yes definitely see friends etc but that might be one day a week and it’s still ice cream or a bottle of water etc so not totally free

Well next time don’t get lunch.

That works out at £650 a month - that’s loads and I think you just need to budget what you do better.

I don't think most people take their kids to soft play and have multiple 'lunches out' every week, let alone buy their kids toys every time they go to the supermarket. Six hundred quid a month is a hell of a lot of money to spend on on that kind of thing, FFS.

er... these are luxury days out!

£18.50 on food and drink by not even 2:00 is going some.

Are you seriously BUYING bottles of water?

What are you spending and on what in a typical week? To me it sounds a sensible amount of money for fun with one small child. But maybe a typical week broken down might make me rethink.

TBH things like coffee in a flask I would absolutely be doing so that the bought out coffee feels more like a treat. You do cheap things, then you enjoy splashing out.

I would also ask about how overall money is working. You obviously have less so how are you and DP keeping a similar lifestyle level? Is your all from your savings? Who pays for holidays and joint meals out? It's not necessarily unfair if you are funding this yourself as part of your year off earning, but you are also providing childcare (or are you paying to hold a nursery place?) and that has a value. It's always tricky to work out whats fair here.