Am I out of touch or is he being stingy?

[Tupaas]

Recently agreed between us that I would take a career break. I’m happy with this, I actually have a job to go to so it’s a short break… more like 12 months.

During this time I have obviously been with DS rather than him being at nursery.

DP transfers around 150 a week for activities for me and DS, like soft play, lunch out etc any toys we might get while in supermarket and so on.

He covers mortgage and bills at the moment and at weekends I might get a coffee or a lunch but as I’m not earning this comes from my savings.

Whilst it was my idea to take a year off, I’ve obviously done it with his agreement otherwise I couldn’t have done it. He was happy DS wouldn’t be in nursery as much, as was I.

I feel like 150 is a bit stingy and he doesn’t understand that a coffee, for example, is 4.50 at lots of places. Car parking, soft play, it all adds up! I want to suggest he sends over another 50 but I know he will make a comment like get a flask for coffee etc which just makes me feel irritated as it’s hard work being with a toddler all day! For context he’s a high earner, a little over 100k. Am I in the right here?!

Someone else who doesn't live in the real world. Some people have that to live for everything weekly.

No, me either. Coffee out, is just a coffee out. Where I am at the time. I have a coffee machine at home (faffy sage barista one) which is lovely when I am at home. But it doesn't deliver them where I am! If I happen to be at a soft play, & I want a coffee I'll buy one there (if they make nice coffee!)

And why not?!

there does seem to be some people who get some joy from being as frugal and martyr like as possible. If that’s your thing, fine but don’t feign disbelief at people who don’t wanna live like that.

Oh dear, this post has reached Daily Mail

You serious? £150. You don't need yo go to work!

Oh dear, this post has reached Daily Mail

🫣

I know, it's nuts on here some days!!

if you have to budget & can't afford to buy coffee or lunch out or whatever that's one thing,(have been there!!), but unless they agreed she'd just jump in muddy puddles £ drink puddle water while taking a year out to look after their child. Why should her lifestyle drop if it doesn't need to? How much thought does he put into buying his lunch or a coffee? They just need to discuss their family disposable income.

Oh my you do need to get a grip! Or go back to work Sorry!

So only the partner currently working is allowed to buy coffee?!

But don't feign disbelief that the majority of the population can't afford to live like the OP is doing.

Or at least not at the same time as being able to afford other non essentials, have savings, pay for big purchases like cars without borrowing, be on track with their pension so they can afford a life when they're old, so their partner also has some spending money and they can afford things like holidays.

For the majority, spending like the OP means that the household will be going short in other areas because almost no-one can afford to spend like she does and everything else that they want or need.

There's a huge middle ground between no fun at all and having enough money to be able to spend without thinking in all areas of life.

Do we know that he buys coffee? I work and I make coffee in my work kitchen.
I don't generally have time to go and buy coffee from a coffee shop.

I do understand that feeling of treating yourself but get into good habits before they expect it. My children know that we’ll go to the park and take a snack from home or buy ice creams for the freezer and have one at home. When we do have an ice cream it’s a treat. A toddler doesn’t need to go to a play centre, especially when the weather is good. Get them in a park, going to a stream, forest, beach etc, they’ll learn so much and enjoy it. Then use some of your budget for a coffee.

@Bjorkdidit

im not disputing that but it’s irrelevant in the sense that that is not OP’s situation. I bet her husband buys himself lunch and coffees when at work!

Yes, I agree it’s a matter of opinion, of course it is. And that was my opinion. That’s why I said ‘in my view’.
Quite a few other posters agree I see.
It partly depends on budget.
I do regard a £4.50 coffee as a luxury. Actually, as a bit of a rip off given I can make myself one and sit to enjoy it in less cramped and noisy surroundings for a fraction of the cost. Others may not agree. That’s fine.

If OP can’t afford it, and if her partner has said to take a flask in order to stick to the budget and he’s the only provider, then she has to change her mindset to make her budget work for her better in some other way.

Unless you have a proper barista style coffee machine which usually costs hundreds of pounds the coffee you make at home isn’t going to be nearly as nice. That’s just a fact .

I bought a dolce gusto and whilst it’s not the same it’s much better than an instant and I feel like it’s a treat. Wouldn’t take the op long to save up for a decent machine on £150 a week for fun money.

@Tippertapperfeet

but she can’t transport the coffee machine from home to wherever she is in the day! If she and her husband can’t afford it they can’t afford it but that’s not the case. If the husband is treating himself to regular coffee and lunches out then she should be able to as well. It’s not fair for him to expect her to go without.

More than enough for you plus one toddler!!

If you'd said £50, I'd say, "a bit tight, but do-able." But £150?!? Clearly we must move in very different circles.

We have no information about whether the DH does or does not buy coffee.
My DH works and I know he doesn't buy coffee while at work.
But people do, and unless OP tells us, we don't know either way.

I'd love not to work and be given £600 a month to have fun with my daughter..... Where I live £600 is more than a month's wages.... It honestly sounds like a luxury to me.

This absolutely it is grim having two teenage boys but I would rewind to their toddler days in a flash I miss that so much and I didn’t have £150 per week for 3 of us

Seemingly so. The one looking after their child should be content with jumping in muddy puddles & drinking puddle water!

And be grateful!

I think you can manage rather more than that on a £150 weekly budget

My Sage is much better than instant, but it's not with me at soft play, or the lake or the playground. It's at home & I'm not.

The only thing that matters here is the 'family' disposable income. It should be shared, not him giving her an allowance! Who is earning the money & who is looking after THEIR child is immaterial