Am I out of touch or is he being stingy?

[Tupaas]

Recently agreed between us that I would take a career break. I’m happy with this, I actually have a job to go to so it’s a short break… more like 12 months.

During this time I have obviously been with DS rather than him being at nursery.

DP transfers around 150 a week for activities for me and DS, like soft play, lunch out etc any toys we might get while in supermarket and so on.

He covers mortgage and bills at the moment and at weekends I might get a coffee or a lunch but as I’m not earning this comes from my savings.

Whilst it was my idea to take a year off, I’ve obviously done it with his agreement otherwise I couldn’t have done it. He was happy DS wouldn’t be in nursery as much, as was I.

I feel like 150 is a bit stingy and he doesn’t understand that a coffee, for example, is 4.50 at lots of places. Car parking, soft play, it all adds up! I want to suggest he sends over another 50 but I know he will make a comment like get a flask for coffee etc which just makes me feel irritated as it’s hard work being with a toddler all day! For context he’s a high earner, a little over 100k. Am I in the right here?!

I think you are very out of touch.

Carry a flask of coffee, that seems like a no brainer. Carry a refillable bottle of water. Who buys these things regularly?

Why are you paying so much on parking? park further away, or walk or use the bus? Why are you buying so many icecreams? They are a fraction of the price to have in the freezer at home. Why are you paying so much for lunch and soft play? Its a lot, surely there are cheaper lunches, supermarket meal deals or bring a pack lunch? Or even go to Spoons or something. I have never heard of soft play costing so much either, but if it is the only one near you, I don't suppose you can do much about that, but how often do you go?

Surely you don’t do stuff like that every day?
Have you heard of free things , like parks or museums , libraries?

Wow! Oh how I wish I had that much to spend a week on fun and lunches! I’m lucky to have 2-3 lunches out a year 😂 we take snacks when we go out and come back home for meals as that’s cheaper!

Also if we are going to be feminist and say childcare is a shared expense (and shouldn't come out of a woman's salary alone), then if the child WAS going to nursery, why should the entire sum come out of the husband's salary in this calculation?
The husband would subsidise only half of that right which is about 600 pounds I think? And then the OP would have to pay for her own coffees and treats while at work, and also contribute to household expenses.
How many parties is a non school going child going to in a year? Even if it's ten parties and you spend 15 per head, that's 150 for the whole year, which is a week's worth of 'fun' money?

And I'm assuming that this covers Monday-Friday and that if you go out with DH on the weekend he pays for things?
So for 5 days a week when you are on your own you have 150 pounds- that's 30 quid a day!

You have no idea do you, to be able to spend £150 a week on whatever you want for you and your child is a luxury most people simply can’t afford

most people don’t do coffee each week, take kids to play areas each week, buy kids a toy each week

You just need to budget better

£150 a week spending money. Is a decent amount

I think people on here either don't remember the soft play days or they've never done it. It's not a cheap do taking them to these places. Yes you could do it on the cheap but you're not allowed to take your own food and drink in most of them.

You could make a packed lunch?
£12.99 for soft play??

£100k household from one earner is not actually that great after tax. It’s not rolling in cash

Soft play might be expensive but it's also not a daily activity.

Sounds like a huge amount already. I'd spend £2 on a church playgroup where you got coffee included, lunch at home, then the local park with friends in the afternoon.

But you dont need to buy lunch and ice cream and bottles of water!

Take water bottle

Dc doesnt care about expensive days out they are happy with parks and packed lunch.
Playing in the garden with water or toys

No bugger could afford it!

@Icanttakethisanymore @NotEnoughKnittingTime I was joking. Sorry for buying all the houses.

@Ilovelurchers

dont be ridiculous. The point is she is not working so childcare is covered, if not BOTH should be contributing to it

as to the rest what’s the mortgage payment ?Food bill? Utilities, Council tax, travel costs, car costs etc? We don’t know do we so you cant say he would have lots left and should give her more

No it isn't. It's because house prices are massively disproportionate to salaries in comparison to the days when you were buying your houses. My parents' first house cost them around 3x my dad's income as a 22-year-old when they got married in the mid-1960s. That house now would cost around 12x as a 49-year-old. That is why young people can't afford houses.

I'm glad my own boomer parents are less ignorant than you about basic economics. I never have to listen to this bullshit from them.

@Scarlettpixie yes we have national trust and that’s usually a cheaper day out but it’s a bit grim being with a toddler all day and not even having a hot drink!

We don’t got to soft play everyday, some days are close to being free but overall I find 150 only just lasts the week

Don't buy icecream. Get cheaper lunch and thats within £30 a day budget

Does this £150 include your fun money too? E.g going out with friends, toiletries, hair appointments etc

I think that it's super stingy considering your circumstances but I don't know why you have to have an 'allowance' anyway?

Tell him it's not enough and you want at least £250. £150 is still a decent amount but he earns plenty and just because others manage on a lot less doesn't mean you should have to as well.

You could spend a lot less or a lot more but it’s all relative to how much you earn, your outgoings and your views on saving vs spending.

As someone in a similar position to OP (but can spend whatever I want), I am a cautious and sensible spender, I would be a bit miffed however, if the household has a healthy budget but I am being told to take a flask for coffee!

So you buy one coffee for £4 and dc have their water bottle.

I think you’ve got into the mindset of wanting the life you had and a career break.

It doesn’t work like that.

You lost a wage. What’s the difference between your wage. Nursery costs and what he transfers you?

£650 fun money is a lot. It’s not a lot of you buy lunch out daily and coffee. But if you take a packed lunch and a flask it saves a lot.

Plus how many times a week are you buying toys?

parks are free. Library is free. Lunch can come out of food shop (packed lunch). Groups are much cheaper than £12.99 (where are you that soft play costs that?!) walks are free as is a back or lake or river or anywhere really that you don’t pay entrance for.

Have a look at your local FB page or Google local activities. There’s usually loads on.

Instead of asking for more of the family share of money look at how you can budget with the share you get.

I was actually also joking to some extent, I just forgot to add the 😂

If the £150 is just for activities, yabu.
Take a picnic to the park.