Am I out of touch or is he being stingy?

[Tupaas]

Recently agreed between us that I would take a career break. I’m happy with this, I actually have a job to go to so it’s a short break… more like 12 months.

During this time I have obviously been with DS rather than him being at nursery.

DP transfers around 150 a week for activities for me and DS, like soft play, lunch out etc any toys we might get while in supermarket and so on.

He covers mortgage and bills at the moment and at weekends I might get a coffee or a lunch but as I’m not earning this comes from my savings.

Whilst it was my idea to take a year off, I’ve obviously done it with his agreement otherwise I couldn’t have done it. He was happy DS wouldn’t be in nursery as much, as was I.

I feel like 150 is a bit stingy and he doesn’t understand that a coffee, for example, is 4.50 at lots of places. Car parking, soft play, it all adds up! I want to suggest he sends over another 50 but I know he will make a comment like get a flask for coffee etc which just makes me feel irritated as it’s hard work being with a toddler all day! For context he’s a high earner, a little over 100k. Am I in the right here?!

Well spotted!

Because clearly OP would spend £150 a day if she got the chance!

Let’s take a 5 day week with a toddler

Day 1- library visit with activity, coffee and drink while out £15
Day 2- do the food shop, call in on MIL. But toddler a cake at the supermarket. Park on the way home £5
DAY 3. National trust place with friends. Take a packed lunch for kids. Have a couple of drinks and cake £20
Day 4- local free museum. Coffee and cake £15
Day 5- treat day- soft play and lunch out. £40

£95- and I think I have over estimated!

I think you’re massively out of touch or not taking the time to find the free family activities in your area. See friends go to the parks, the beaches the woods. Take packed lunches and be a little more resourceful.

as my lovely mum used to say- you cut your cloth accordingly.

Completely missing the point their money should be one pot

I think it sounds very generous. I’d love to have a spare £150 per week to do activities with the kids. The reality is some people don’t even have a spare £100 per month to do things. Your in a very enviable position to not have to work and have £150 activity money every week.

Blimey are toddler groups in a hall with squash, a biscuit and then back home for lunch not a thing anymore?

I initially thought that this was the budget for the weekly family food shop plus 'fun' spending for your toddler but I see that you are complaining that £150/week isn't enough purely for your leisure activities with your DC. Honestly, I can't believe that you are complaining @Tupaas. Have you never heard of budgeting? It isn't compulsory to have meals, coffees, ice creams and trips to soft play daily just because you are looking after a child. Things like this are a treat for the huge majority of the population. Do you really think that most people have £650/month to spend on having fun with their one child? I expect £50 is more standard!

It's plenty.

Cut back on things like ice cream, lunch, water and coffee (bring stuff with you). That'll save a chunk of money each week without needing to compromise on where you go.

When mine were little I just took them to local playgroups for a couple of quid andaybe went to feed the ducks after.

Honestly I don't think mine went to soft play more than once every 6 months. We were skint though and I don't like soft play haha

Married or not, I wouldn't have a shared pot with someone who spaffed £150 a week on soft play and takeaway coffee and then complained it wasn't enough.

Your mistake was agreeing on an "allowance". You need full access to his bank account. His salary either goes into a joint account or you get an additional debit card for his account.

I know many mumsnetters struggle financially at the moment, but if you are not struggling, I absolutely cannot see why you should not have a coffee and lunch etc.

I love MN for seeing 'how the other half live'.

I mean, not that we are poor anymore. I consider us to be quite comfortable, but can't get my hear round spending £650 a month, every month, on what really isn't anything.

They're not skint so not really the same

Nor would I and I don't think they are married in any case.

Why? He is covering everything, she spends out of control. He needs to endure bills etc are paid.

What about staying at home and doing stuff in the house that cost nothing, or just going to the local playground for a bit?

A PP has hit the nail on the head saying you want the old lifestyle despite the fact you’re one wage down.

Maybe you’d be better off going back to work sooner - nursery might be expensive but with two wages you’d not have to worry about the cost of soft play - plus you’d be going far less frequently.

Would you give someone who spent over 7k a year on soft play and coffee free access to your bank account?

Because I bloody wouldn't.

You sound a bit isolated - I would never have taken DC to soft play on their own: it's boring for them isn't it, if they have no friends there?

As others have said, find friends to meet up with for walks every day or play around each other's houses, and toddler groups (usually run by churches).

I wonder if the partner/husband will be allowed to take a 'career break' and spend a year drinking expensive coffee at the OP's expense.

150 quid A WEEK for one toddler isn't enough?

I spend less than that on 2 primary age kids in the holidays.

Library, park, annual passes, local playgroups are all very cheap or free. You shouldn't be going to soft play and cafés every day.

If they can afford it, yes

If you think £150 a week is harsh, try living on the State Pension.

You must be on the wind up? She’s spending over four months’ worth of my salary a year on things like soft play and coffee.

Then you're absolutely bonkers.

They're not even married - why should she have access to his bank account?

It sounds like you are regretting taking time off work and find looking after your child a chore.
You come across as a high maintenance princess, you have posted almost like you are bragging and it does not do you any favours.
Save the planet and use a flask and water bottle- your waste alone is shameful.