Am I out of touch or is he being stingy?

[Tupaas]

Recently agreed between us that I would take a career break. I’m happy with this, I actually have a job to go to so it’s a short break… more like 12 months.

During this time I have obviously been with DS rather than him being at nursery.

DP transfers around 150 a week for activities for me and DS, like soft play, lunch out etc any toys we might get while in supermarket and so on.

He covers mortgage and bills at the moment and at weekends I might get a coffee or a lunch but as I’m not earning this comes from my savings.

Whilst it was my idea to take a year off, I’ve obviously done it with his agreement otherwise I couldn’t have done it. He was happy DS wouldn’t be in nursery as much, as was I.

I feel like 150 is a bit stingy and he doesn’t understand that a coffee, for example, is 4.50 at lots of places. Car parking, soft play, it all adds up! I want to suggest he sends over another 50 but I know he will make a comment like get a flask for coffee etc which just makes me feel irritated as it’s hard work being with a toddler all day! For context he’s a high earner, a little over 100k. Am I in the right here?!

jumping in puddles as the days main entertainment would do my head in

People are so hypocritical, it's funny.

During the lockdowns, when all you could do with your toddler was taking them on walks, jumping into flipping puddles, stay home and do craft and other boring activities, everyone was in uproar saying they were ready to blow their brain out.

it was hell on hearth let's be honest.

Now that we're back to normal, people dare advise a woman to be content and start living exactly like she was on lockdown 😂
with possibly 1 or 2 outings at the free library for good behaviour.

Honestly, it's ridiculous.

Allowed to? I don't think so.

Hi There!
What if you did more activities at home?

What "establishments" do you think op and her TODDLER ds go to exactly?

Parks, playgrounds, splash parks, the beach etc all "allow" anyone without any charge and you can eat/drink any food you want without the park police arresting you

Swimming you can't eat while doing anyway. Most cinemas are fine with taking your own food in.

Even with soft play they won't begrudge you drinking out of your own water bottle or eating an apple, ffs. They might prefer you to buy a coffee there rather than drink from a thermos but a) most people can go an hour or two without needing constant caffeine and b) if it was just soft play and one coffee once or twice a week that wouldn't even be a quarter of the £150 budget, so not an issue.

Nobody is suggesting OP goes and sits in a cafe for 4 hours every day without buying anything, why would she even want to do that with a young child?

Regardless of the dp technically being able to afford more (although in typical mn fashion £100k might not stretch as far as assuming after deductions if supporting 3 people) - if Op could limit spending to £50 a week (still pretty generous) that would be £5200 they could save as a family for something that would actually benefit their DS rather than paying a 200% mark up on a watery coffee or a ham sandwich ds will take 2 bites out of

@PerkySnail

Its not lockdown!

its not really about want! 😂 most people don’t have a disposable income of £150-£200 per week to spend on coffees and lunches out. If I did, I would also have them! But I don’t, as neither does op given she isn’t even working. No one has said she should never have a lunch out or a coffee out, just that she doesn’t have to eg have an ice cream out from an ice cream van or parlour everytime the sun is shining!!!! 😂 we often have ice creams out, but we go and buy a box from the supermarket of ice lollies and then we’ve spent £1.50 for all of us to have one. An ice cream van ine is a treat. Not a daily occurrence!! Same for coffee, majority of the time I take my own, occasionally I buy one.
its not about being a martyr but about living within my means, of which the op has no means. She’s earning nothing! And is still spending £150 a week, and wanting more without any attempt to be frugal.

@saffy2

other peoples circumstances are irrelevant to OP at the end of the day. Her husband is a high earner. She is not a single parent. If he is still having treats she too should be allowed them.

And with £150 per week she can have treats…lots of them! Just not as many as she thinks she should have!!! 🤷🏽‍♀️

Well I think we have our answer as to why MN insists that a £100k+ income is 'not that much' if £150 pw for coffee, lunches and soft play is considered normal spending, if a bit on the tight side.

YABU. £150 a week is plenty. You don't need to go out every day to a paid activity. What's wrong with the park, the library or being in the garden with a paddling pool? Picnics were one of my children's favourite things. I would only do a paid activity a couple of times a week otherwise it becomes expected and taken for granted.

What’s happening then OP? Has DH ‘sent over’ the additional £50?

There’s a big middle ground between being frugal and being extravagant, and the OP is being extravagant and doesn’t seem to have much idea what to do with time with her child unless it involves spending money.

You don’t sound very good with money. Do you think that your husband has so much money that you can just start spending what you like? Or you want to keep up with your friends?
Have you ever tried budgeting for the whole family? Pre tax 100k is not so much that you can just start flushing cash down the dunny.
Once he has paid tax, mortgage, bills, food, petrol, clothes etc I can’t imagine there is loads left.

£150 per week of fun money is absolute loads. Can’t you find something less expensive to do?

Yes I know it's not lockdown but you don't have to go out every single day if you're going to complain about the lack of money which isn't true. You have money but choose to spend on coffees and then come on here and complain. There are local parks you know where you can take kids out and then go back home for painting, baking.........and just playing with your children.
Be grateful woman. Enough said.

Thanks everyone. I definitely could cut down on the coffees. He’s said he will send over some extra for this week but I agree that in the long run I need to just make a ham sandwich and save it as it will all mount up in the end

I responded to this thread a couple of days ago. But now I am wondering if the OP is taking the piss?

I don’t know how soft play was so expensive and then you went for lunch. I really don’t.

@Tippertapperfeet well soft play is circa 15 quid depending on the day of the week… then lunch another 15 and parking 3-4 pounds.

Just eat lunch at home.,Most people want a child free cafe lunch anyway.

I think PP's point was why did you spend £15 on lunch when you'd already spent £15 on softplay.

can't you cook? your son seems to live of processed crap (shop bought sandwiches or processed soft play center food)? I wouldn't want to eat my child this sort of stuff so often. You aren't even working and loaded. Surely there is good stuff in the fridge to prepare a meal, and you have plenty of time. no need to eat out so often?

Is this softplay gold plated? wtf is paying £15 for soft play? I’ve just had a look at our local independent softplay at the prices. Under 2’s is £4 at peak times. During term time before 3pm under are £3. The wacky warehouse is free for children under 12 months. Children over 12 months are £5.

Worst advice! OP isn't even married, hence DP, not DH.

Spending just because shows him she's not responsible and could be the thing that makes him not commit to marriage.

As an equal, she should be saving and helping him build a secure future for their child.

Life is swings and roundabouts, he could lose his job, die without a will or break up with OP.

She chose to take time out, doesn't mean she should get the equivalent of nursery fees, that's being shortsighted.

Where the fuck is soft play £15 and surely if you’ve spent £15 on blooming soft play you don’t then spaff another £15 on lunch.

I just checked. The one by me is £6 and the one a little further away is £7.50.